Connecting Opportunity With Reality
February 2, 2010 § 8 Comments
Young people have more opportunities than ever before.
Some people will suggest I’m certifiably nuts for that statement. What about the economy? What about the global uncertainty caused by terrorism? What about financial barriers to post-secondary education?
The fact is there have always been challenges to achieving success. There always will be.
In my own realm in the communications field, the possibilities have grown exponentially over the years.
I have moved from being a newspaper reporter with stops in St. Paul and Grande Prairie, Alberta and Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario to corporate writing and editing for a Crown corporation to operating my own communications firm to communications in the education sector to my current position as Manager of Marketing and Communications at the City of Grande Prairie.
Thanks to technology, someone in the communications field here in Grande Prairie could be producing copy for a company in Warsaw, Poland and never set foot in the country. For that matter, an entire website can be produced for a client in Walla Walla, Washington and no actual direct conversation needs to take place.
When I graduated from college, you could be a print, television or radio reporter. Now, you can have a job reporting completely online. There are companies specializing in advising companies and governments on how to maximize social media opportunities.
At the time I left college, Public Relations practitioners were not nearly as widespread as today. Back then, Marshall McLuhan stating, “The medium is the message” still resonated readily with people. Now, there are a myriad of mediums and there is a general recognition in the importance of communications – and the consequences of it being done poorly.
By merely mentioning Grande Prairie, Sault Ste. Marie and Walla Walla, Washington in this Blog, people who have these place names in their Google alerts will be notified about it.
As far as barriers go, I left college at a time when bumper stickers in Alberta read: “God, grant me another oil boom and I won’t piss it away this time.” This may be the first economic crunch of the generation, but it is nothing new for anyone who’s been in the workforce any length of time.
I grew up listening to news of every morning of political strife in Northern Ireland. I remember watching the American troops pull out of Viet Nam.
A similar explosion of career possibilities has occurred in other professions. A whole industry has sprung up around the green movement – my close friends, Cecilia Lu and Sofia Ribeiro, at Kiwano Marketing have found a niche in green marketing.
So, how does all this relate to young people in 2010?
There needs to be a far better connection to the opportunities and the realities.
Many parents and the education system, to a large degree, still have the mindset that little Johnny and Mary, starting out in Grade 1, will go to university because, after all, they need a high level of education to get a good job.
It really is much more complicated than that – and there are enough taxi drivers with degrees to debunk that notion.
In 2002, 58 per cent of Albertans aged 25-34 reported having completed post-secondary education. The rest? Well some would have started into college or university and dropped out while others went directly into the workforce from high school. A significantly high number of students still do not complete high school – in the 30 per cent range in some areas.
It is clear that the vision many of us as parents have when our children begin Kindergarten and the reality is not at all connected in many cases. Nor should it be.
How can we know what skills and aptitudes our children will have at age 5? In my own case, I didn’t even like school until I was in Grade 12.
My son graduated from high school and has attended college, but has decided to take a break until he determines what direction the schooling is taking him.
I support his decision. No education is lost, but when there is not an unlimited source of funds, there needs to be some focus.
Given there is no end of choices, I want my son to find something he is passionate about – unless, as parenting expert Barbara Coloroso would say, that choice is life-threatening, morally-threatening or illegal.
He might be best suited to travel for while and maybe work overseas. Unlike when I was his age, people backpacked in other countries and had to scrape up jobs to continue their travels, there are now actual programs that will help people line up opportunities and help them make arrangements for living abroad.
Far too many people are bored or stuck in a rut before age 30, despite the opportunities.
Sometimes that is because parents or the students themselves rushed a decision about a career choice. In other situations, people’s likes or circumstances change.
I believe a big improvement in the success rate would be made if co-operative education was mandatory for all high school students, even the ones who are adamant they know their career path. Maybe some time in the workforce in their chosen occupation would save thousands of dollars by students realizing a career path is not for them before it is too late.
There also needs to be more flexibility in the system. We can’t always pigeon-hole students and must allow for diverse interests.
A hands-on student may also have an academic side. In a world that emphasizes entrepreneurism, it would be handy if a young person who’s gifted in electronics could also take business courses. From first-hand experience, I know it is easier to operate a company if you have both practical experience and some courses to help you understand the ins and outs of business.
Although the education system has evolved in recent years, more needs to be done to ensure students are prepared for the realities of the real world, particularly given so many don’t actually attend post-secondary.
I am pleased there is more recognition that students acquire knowledge in a variety of ways and teachers are being instructed in how to address differentiated learning.
More parents need to realize they need to have a significant role in their children’s education. We shouldn’t criticize the education system if we’ve invested little in knowing how it works or supporting the people in it.
Our children’s teachers spend more waking hours with our kids than we do during the week, yet far too many educators get little support. In fact, a lot of people seem to think they could do a better job.
Society needs to do more, too. It was enough that schools were expected to teaching Reading, Writing and Arithmetic. Then it was sex education and drug education. As families became more dysfunctional and social problems became more prevalent, they have had to become part-time psychologists and counsellors.
Now, in many schools, kids are being fed at the school before classes get under way in recognition that children learn better with a full stomach.
There is an old African proverb that it takes an entire village to educate a child.
If we expect little Johnny and Mary to capitalize on the opportunities, then all of us must do more to make it happen. We need to be willing to change our thinking about how reality and opportunities can better connect.
As author and motivational speaker Tony Robbins notes, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
How Big Is Your Change?
January 11, 2010 § 2 Comments
It’s early January and many people are trying to follow through on New Year’s resolutions. Some have vowed they’ll stop smoking. Others have begun an exercise regime. Many of these pledges will fail. Numerous people have already thrown in the towel by now.
Not all significant lifestyle changes occur as a result of a promise to one’s self on Dec. 31. Sometimes people just realize that it is time.
However personal improvement occurs, it is most heartening to see that people really can overcome major obstacles, whether hurdles life has thrown at them or their problems were self-inflicted.
I was inspired about a year ago as I was contemplating my entry into the writing competition being held by the Grande Prairie Public Library. The theme was Winning and Losing.
The angle of my story was the reverse … losing and winning.
I told readers how a friend’s daughter lost everything – her children, her job, her house – through drug abuse, becoming addicted to crack at age 30.
Interviewing the subject of the story and writing it, gave me a picture I had never seen so up close and personal. I had never experienced the depths people will go to feed and addiction. It brought tears to my own eyes to see the story turn into one of her winning her family back, regaining employment and having the opportunity to buy a home again.
So, while we are considering whether we can make life-altering changes to improve, the answer is … yes we can. Just ask Marcie:
Marcie Wins Back Family, Loses Drugs
My idea of winning and losing has always been pretty simple – did my Montreal Canadiens or Toronto Blue Jays win last night? . . . Or how am I doing in the hockey pool?
Occasionally, the competitive juices would boil if I was vying for a coveted job and, hey, who likes to come out on the short end in an argument?!
But catching up with my friend, Theresa, and her, daughter, Marcie, recently gave me a whole new perspective on winning and losing.
Not since I experienced the birth of my son and death of my father, both in 1989, have I faced such a pronounced rollercoaster of emotions when hearing those two words together.
Theirs is story of a mother and daughter basking in the glow of a renewed life together thanks to Marcie overcoming drug abuse – a five-year addiction to crack cocaine.
Marcie’s definition of winning includes her ability to hold a job now. Being reunited with her two children, now 20 and 12, is another win. Probably the most important victory is the respect she’s earned from her children.
“They know they just have to call me and I will be there.”
For her to regain that connection, Marcie had to be completely open about the ordeal she’d put herself and her family through.
“I also know the tell-tale signs of drug abuse now and have that awareness. I feel more responsibility and more pressure. It is me that stops me from going back,” she says.
For her to achieve these wins, Marcie had to lose her home, place her sons in her mother’s care, and give up much more.
“You lose yourself and your goals,” she says of her addiction. “You lose track of what’s important, your values, your self esteem, and then you hit rock bottom.”
It becomes a vicious circle. The crack makes things feel better, but only for so long. Then reality sinks in. Marcie is fortunate she didn’t spiral into further despair or sink deeper into the world of drug abuse.
“When you start hating the way you feel and the way your life is going, turning to drugs is a way to cope because when you are high, you don’t feel,” Marcie explains.
“When you are living a life of chaos, your focus is on getting and using drugs. You are always on the go, people are always around you partying, and people want to be your friends without judgement. The excitement was the feeling of being important and on top of the game. People needing drugs will make you feel like you are important and they respect you when, in fact, all they want is your drugs.
“The winning side of this is that once you are in rehabilitation, you can learn to deal with your feelings of despair and learn how to cope with the guilt of choosing drugs over your children. You then become able to focus on what is important like family, and getting healthy, both mentally and physically.”
Marcie knew it was time to check into detoxification when she was sitting in a camper, with nowhere to go. It was 11 p.m. on her 34th birthday.
“I had nowhere to celebrate my birthday. I gave myself a present. I knew if I made a bad decision at that point, I would go even lower. If I stopped, I would be able to get help. I called my mom and said, ‘Please come and get me. What have I become?’”
Theresa recalls that moment, too. Was it real this time? Would she ever have her daughter back?
For four long years her grandmother, her mother and father, her sister and her children were forced by this awful drug to live in fear of never having Marcie back.
“She called to say she was done and could no longer face the horrible life she had now and wanted me to pick her up and take her to detox,” recalls Theresa.
The anger welled up in her because she’d heard Marcie’s promises to reform before, only to be disappointed.
“She never followed through and I was getting tired of the let down every time. This time, though, there was something in her voice that was different, and because I love my daughter with all my heart, I went to pick her up.”
Theresa had a lump in her throat when she met Marcie. She couldn’t believe what she saw.
“I found this skinny, dirty, hollow-faced stranger standing under a streetlight,” Theresa recalls. “She was the most pitiful thing I have ever seen. I drove her to detox, walked her into the first set of sliding doors where she met with someone from AADAC.
“I wished her a happy birthday, told her I loved her no matter she has done, kissed her on the cheek and walked away.”
But she didn’t get far.
“I sat in my car in that parking lot for two hours, sobbing and praying that this nightmare would finally be over.”
Marcie would be in detoxification for five days in Grande Prairie. She then went to rehabilitation for three months in Edmonton where she spent a year getting counselling. She also became a member of Narcotics Anonymous.
Although she was no stranger to alcohol and had smoked pot, Marcie didn’t begin using crack until her 30th birthday, at the invitation of her then boyfriend and that started her downward spiral.
“It was fun. It was exciting, but when the money was gone, I was left with an addiction. That is what I remember and I think of how far I’ve come.”
She thinks back to how things fell apart. She had a house and a car and would be the safe place for her friends to do drugs.
“Every penny went to keeping up the drug habit. Then the car broke down and I was out of a house,” she says.
“I spent every pay cheque and child tax cheque, borrowed money from family, friends, and acquaintances. I’d estimate that I spent $1,000 a month minimum . There were the parties that went on for days and everyone would bring drugs and do them until they were gone.”
Marcie has seen herself at her worst and knows there is a long way to go on her journey, but there are also more wins on the way. She has had some setbacks, but has learned to deal with them without going back to crack. It’s been two years without it.
“It’s not a nightmare now. Everything I have been through has made me a better person. I feel better now than before I started on drugs. I have a wonderful career now. I have a great relationship with my children, my sister and the rest of my family.”
Theresa is overjoyed to be on the good side of the winning-losing equation now. There were times she was ready to give up on her daughter. But she never did. Theresa always found strength in remembering Marcie before her addiction.
“She was my first born and the apple of my eye, and as she got older – my best friend. She grew up to be a person of integrity, honesty, and had a heart of gold. She was always helping out friends, even when she had little money for herself or her children,” says Theresa.
“I often remarked that her kindness was being abused by some of her friends and her reply was, ‘if they need it more than I do, I will help wherever I can.’”
Theresa says with that big heart, Marcie would get into relationships with men who seemed to always need something.
“She would always say, ‘I can change them. I will help them to become better people.’ The unfortunate part was she couldn’t and ended up hurt and in financial trouble. After three bad relationships and the loss of her home, she became upset with the way her life was going and, I think now, she gave up. Marcie said once that she was a failure as a wife and a failure as a mother.”
Theresa realizes now that she, like many parents of drug abusers, was in denial.
“I didn’t realize at the time how bad off she was,” Theresa says.
However, Theresa was faced with that reality when she had to pick up her two grandsons from school in January 2004 and then didn’t hear from her daughter for almost five months.
“My life changed dramatically as I then had to become legal guardian to both children,” she says.
“I was angry, scared, mad, confused, hurt and every emotion imaginable. This is something that a mother should never have to go through – not knowing if your child is hurt, scared, cold, hungry or has a warm place to sleep or, if someone has hurt her, or even worse yet killed her.
“I worried about the lifestyle she was in – the dark side of life – and I couldn’t even find her to bring her home.”
Added to this, Theresa had plenty of advice telling her to let go.
“I had many friends who said that “tough love” was the way to go but until you have to go through something like this, you will never know how hard that is,” she says.
Theresa did have to take some action for Marcie’s own good and the safety of the family.
“I eventually had to do and say things to her when she did get in contact with us. I had to cut off all access to money; I had to tell my own flesh and blood that she was no longer welcome to come home to have Christmas dinner with her family because of drugs.”
Buying Marcie gifts became pointless because Theresa knew they would just be sold for drug money.
“My daughter went from a beautiful, healthy, loving human being to a thin, dirty shell of a person with no goals, no hope and no laughter in her heart. Crack turned her into someone else. There were times that I almost wished she was dead so that at least I knew she was finally safe and out of pain.”
Theresa smiles when she thinks of her daughter now and is thankful she never, deep down ever threw in the towel on Marcie.
“I am very proud of my daughter as she has worked her way back to not only being the way she was, but I believe even a better person than before because of what she had to go through to get here,” Theresa says.
“I never, never, ever gave up on my daughter and truly believe that all addictions are a disease and the only way back from the bowels of hell called addiction is to have someone on the other side – waiting and supporting them in any way they can.”
Marcie agrees. “I wouldn’t have been able to do it without my mom. Some people have nowhere to go after they get out of rehab. I was lucky she would take me back. I wasn’t a perfect person, but she hadn’t grown to hate me.”
Marcie, now 37, was also motivated by the opportunity to have her family reunited after being separated for the better part of four years.
“I wanted to get myself back, but I wanted to get us back as a family.”
Her big dream is to once again own a home.
“I want a place for my grandbabies to visit.”
Winning and losing really is more important than last night’s sports scores. A whole lot more.
The first step to wealth is health
December 21, 2009 § 15 Comments
“The first step to wealth is health.”
That rhymes, I told my doctor as he was chiding me for letting a period of extreme stress get in the way of effectively managing my diabetes. He hadn’t considered that, he said, noting he is not a poet. It would to me as a writer.
“There will always be jobs,” the doctor continued. “But if you don’t take care of yourself, that won’t matter.”
For someone who several others readily call a mentor, the motivator had allowed himself to be distracted from Looking out for Number One. He who has pushed others to be positive has lost his own focus.
No excuses. I know better. If I am to remain competitive in the battle against the D word, then I have to do better. Every day. It has already taken its toll in varying ways.
I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes 10 years ago this fall. At first, my doctor felt I could address it with proper exercise and diet. After five years that didn’t work, primarily because I didn’t do the work, and I was prescribed two medications for that as well as pills for cholesterol and high blood pressure.
Diabetes can best be described as juggling four balls – there are four main contributing factors – heredity, stress, diet, and exercise. The first, I can do nothing about. My dad was “borderline” diabetic. When I told the diabetes nurse this, she laughed. “That is like being borderline pregnant. Either you are or you aren’t.”
Then there is stress. Mostly, I am able to use this in a positive sense, feeding my natural drive and energy but lately I have found myself distracted by it, letting things over which I have little or no control bother me.
Speaking of feeding … although I don’t eat horribly, my diet management is not great, mostly in terms of portions and timing. Before I learned I am diabetic, I didn’t eat breakfast so that was an improvement.
The exercise has improved lately, walking the dog almost every day for at least a half hour, often more.
The bottom line is, diabetes is a silent disease. It is not necessarily going to give you a daily reminder like a lump or chronic pain do. But holding it at bay does take daily attention.
So, while I am great at fostering motivation in others, I must accept the responsibility for managing my own stress, diet and exercise. It is MY blood that needs to be monitored and MY doctor appointments that must be kept.
Others can provide encouragement, but it is me who must take charge of my own health.
And, ironically, the best prescription to stress has been at the forefront all these years.
On the side of my mother-in-law’s fridge (for the record, the least reason for me to have stress and, no, my wife is not standing over me as I write) she has posted the Serenity Prayer … God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
My mother-in-law learned in her late 70s that she, too, has diabetes, and has done a much better job of monitoring the disease.
Why?
Perhaps, even though I know I have the disease and know the consequences, I’ve been just too busy worrying about other things.
The doctor was right.
The first step to wealth is health.
Motivating takes more than me.
December 7, 2009 § 12 Comments
I had a Eureka moment the other day during a training session. Now the point of attending workshops and taking courses is to learn new skills be exposed to new ideas. In this case, however, one of my fundamental thoughts about being a supervisor was challenged.
It had always been my thinking that I can and have motivated people.
It turns out, I have only paved the way.
Kris Robins, one of the facilitators of the Essential Skills for Supervisors Program through Northern Lakes College, told our Staying Positive – Rewarding and Energizing Employees class last Thursday that, as supervisors, we can only create the environment where people will be motivated, we don’t motivate people ourselves.
I have to agree when it is put that way. You can’t wave your magic wand and, presto, your employees will be motivated.
I suppose that is much like the old adage that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.
On the other hand, Kris noted, we can de-motivate people with a single action or word.
The class was asked to cite examples of what motivates and de-motivates us.
Motivating situations include the opportunity to make a difference, having varied and challenging assignments, a sense of pride in the organization, decisive leadership, the opportunity to learn, and the ability to reach new levels of achievement.
De-motivators cited include negativity, no flexibility, minimal or no communication, lack of variety, poor direction, bureaucracy, and employees thinking in terms of their own department and not the good over the overall organization.
I believe the best employees are self-motivated and our job as managers and leaders is to fuel their fire, to nurture their growth and to give them opportunities to succeed to even greater heights than they can on their own. Essentially, we need to take steps to eliminate items on the second list from our workplaces.
Enabling employee motivation to flourish must be an ongoing effort, not something we contemplate once a month or a few times a year.
Author and motivational speaker Zig Ziglar summed this up well.
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.”
It was also interesting to note that many of the points cited on the de-motivator list are also factors in employee burnout.
I have been blessed with many good employees over the years, including when I operated my communications company full-time.
It is a thrill to work with people who are highly motivated. It is much like a sense of lighting a torch and then when your own torch flickers, having the employee regenerate your fire.
Working with motivated people is motivating to me!
It has always been my approach that I work with people, they don’t work FOR me. I contend that if people feel like they are stakeholders in the company, they will want the business or the organization to succeed just as much as you.
I am taking the Essential Skills Program to gain a certificate through Northern Lakes College.
There are nine components to the program, including:
Leadership – Giving Employees What They Need to Succeed
Effective Supervision – Directing, Coaching & Facilitating Employees
Communication – Getting the Message Across
Working Together – Building Effective Relationships in Your Workplace
Performance Management – Optimizing Results
Intervention – Managing Employees with Personal Problems
Resolving Conflict – Reaching Agreement at Work
Managing Time – Scheduling People, Paper & Priorities
Leadership – Giving Employees What They Need to Succeed
I’m eager to complete the program in the next few months and continue on to the advanced level. It is great to see how people from other workplaces operate and the challenges that they face. The beauty of this program is that while the facilitators provide instruction, you learn as much from others in the class.
When it comes to energizing my staff, it’s important for me to continue acquiring tools that ensure I’m providing the best environment possible – today and every day.
Part of that is providing those in my charge opportunities to thrive through their own growth opportunities.
That’s a given. I am a firm believer that when you quit learning, you quit living.
Retreat, Recharge, Resume
November 19, 2009 § 13 Comments
As much as I love to work, there comes a time when I want nothing more than to seek shelter from everything that is swirling around me and do a complete shutdown. There are a couple of favourite places for this.
These are not far off, exotic locations, although they have become more distant since I returned to Alberta.
And I had the wonderful experiencing of returning to both of them in October while on vacation.
One such place is the Lake Superior region, which I described in my Ode to Lake Superior (found below). It was published in 2008 by Diane Sims in her book Rider of the Clouds. I wrote this piece before relocating back to Grande Prairie in 2007. At the time of its writing, I did not know yet that my career would involve a return to this community.
The other place is Ripley, Ontario, where my mother-in-law lives.
No, she is not standing over me as I write this!
Ironically, entering the village, there is a sign that proclaims: Ripley, Ontario’s Natural Retreat.
Now, I would not actually choose to live there because I generally do thrive on a faster pace and ready access to any dining, shopping or services that I require nearby and, with a population of less than 1,000 people, Ripley is short on these.
That being said, when I want somewhere to go where I am bound to forget even what day it is, Ripley is the place to be.
Of course, I enjoy the company of my mother-in-law – my wife is not watching what I say – and other nearby family members. However, in this community, I have found I can just wind down and not even consider what will happen later that day, let alone what is in store in the weeks ahead.
I have asked friends and colleagues if they have such places. They do, although sometimes these are locales involving special people, too.
Lori Goodman, a workmate at the City of Grande Prairie, describes Jansen, Saskatchewan as the “best place ever in small town Saskatchewan.”
Jansen is where her grandmother is located and Lori enjoys returning both for the people and the sense of family. Like Ripley for me, Jansen has a slower pace and it’s a community where she does not feel judged, where people are not expecting something of you and there is a sense of trust with folks.
Sherry Lawler, a friend and colleague who operates Alpha Proofing in Edmonton, says these special places for her can be found along a trail in the mountains or by visiting her grandfather in Kelowna.
Do you have a special cove somewhere? A place where you can forget everything and recharge your battery for a day, a week, a month?
Here’s my tribute to my favourite place of all.
A Superior Power – My Ode to Lake Superior
Kersplash!
The waves thunder up against the beach along spectacular Lake Superior, pounding the shoreline, with the mighty force of nature. These roiled waters retreat, only to crash up on the rock and sand again and again.
I never get tired of this scene. Even in mid-winter, it plays back in my mind as vividly as if I were there in person.
It is no wonder Lake Superior is dubbed Gitchee Gumee. In the Algonquin language this means all-powerful lake.
As much as I love the breath-taking beauty and the majestic snow-capped mountains of my native Western Canada, there’s nothing like finding a favorite spot along this greatest of the Great Lakes to go and contemplate life.
Sometimes I sit and watch, closing my eyes and letting my mind go free.
On other occasions I walk for miles with my wife, or alone with my dog. When I look back, I see my fresh footprints fill up with water. Maybe this is symbolic for how my pent up thoughts have disappeared after I have left them behind.
Pancake Bay and other spots along this largest of the Great Lakes have provided that space many times to disengage a muddled collection of details. These range from what I have to do upon returning to the office to the more prevalent past events that I have dwelled on with no solutions, regardless of the amount of reflection.
For someone who doesn’t embrace the winter wonderland that can last up to five or six months at a time in this region, there are precious few weeks to visit these favorite haunts to let go of those thoughts that have build up in the crevasses of the mind over those long months of snow and ice.
Even pounding up against the shores as I contemplate what this lake means to me, these waves pose no threat. Not like they can – and have. The date November 10, 1975 is one fixed firmly in the minds of most locals. That is when the Edmund Fitzgerald was swallowed up in a storm nearby with all 29 crew members aboard.
Like a moody, but close friend, you have to know when to approach this companion.
It is difficult to fathom how those crashing whitecaps can transform into a surface almost like a sheet if ice at other times, as loons and other waterfowl take their turn visiting this friend. Or kayakers glide out to deeper waters, perhaps looking to dump their stresses in even greater depths.
On the summer visits I yearn for with great anticipation each spring, the waves are most often like extra playful friends, splashing up against you.
What I find most endearing about this friend is that no matter how busy it can be dumping water ashore or in perhaps its own pensive moments in those times of calm, I always leave knowing I have been listened to … the clutter is gone, washed away to the great depths of the Lake.
The shores themselves have special meaning.
They offer refuge from those oh so chilly waters – it takes until the dog days of summer to feel at all comfortable even wading in … Yet I always tell people who complain about this that I prefer this to camp along or to spend a day at the beach … I remind them that is nice to be able to look in the water and to see the sand bottom, versus the murky water at other Lakes.
And there is also nothing quite so refreshing after a hike on a steamy afternoon as diving into Lake Superior and having the dust and sweat immediately wash away.
The land against this enormous body of water represents a symbol of arrival to me. I often wonder what the voyageurs must have thought when they climbed out of their canoes for a rest.
The shore here makes me think of a favorite passage in a verse I have posted in my office. It speaks of how if you help others across the river, you will get to shore, too.
It really is true!
Lake Superior represents an even greater challenge than the symbolic river. When I have really thought about it, my most rewarding moments have come while working as part of a team effort or helping a younger colleague find success.
You realize important things like this when you stop and allow yourself to find meaning in life, that things do happen for a reason and, as Mahatma Gandhi once said, be the change you want to see in the world.
Lake Superior does not count amongst the Wonders of the World. It is not an exotic location or have a sophisticated name, or have any mythical stories attached to it.
I have come to know its healing powers on many occasions. When I have permitted Gitchee Gumee to take me in her grips, I have allowed those wasteful thoughts to be washed away for positive new ones.
Lake Superior, my friend, I knew the first time I saw you that we would be spending a lot of time together. And we have. I have delighted in even visiting for the day. We have brought friends and family from afar. They also marveled at you.
If I were ever to move to some other location, I know you would always be there. I would never forget the strength you have given me. I will always return.
Everyone should be blessed to have a friend like you.
The Journey Continues
November 10, 2009 § 13 Comments
Canadian rocker Tom Cochrane had it right: Life Is A Highway.
My blogmate, Wendy, won’t be surprised I’m using a musical reference in my blog. We both do that with regularity to explain things.
In her last post, Wendy described the search for herself as a long one. She wondered if she would stand still for a moment or if she’s destined to keep moving and to continue in search of herself along the way.
I’m certain Wendy’s journey toward more knowledge of herself will be ongoing, just as mine about me will.
Anyone who constantly looks for more out of life, who is not content with the status quo, is bound to wonder what role they play in the scheme of things. There is going to be an ongoing search of who we really are because we continue to evolve and grow with the new circumstances in which we find ourselves.
Yes, life is a highway. Mine is just significantly longer than Wendy’s since I am several years older.
Sometimes we can whip into fifth gear and zip into the fast lane on our life’s highway – things are going great and we haven’t a worry in the world. Other times there is road construction and we are forced to travel along at a snail’s pace – perhaps we are overwhelmed with competing life or work priorities that are bogging us down. Sometimes there is a blizzard and we are storm stayed, stalled from moving forward – a death has occurred in the family or maybe we’ve had a relationship go south.
Events and people along the way can serve as jet fuel to thrust us ahead while some individuals and circumstances can clog up life’s carburetor. It is always a good idea to do a maintenance check to see our personal engine is firing on all cylinders.
In my case, I was flying through my 20s. I had the fortune of meeting my bride-to-be and my best friend by interviewing her for a profile while I was a newspaper reporter in St. Paul. I was married at age 25 and she has been my rock ever since. If I had any doubts, having my wife follow me across the country for my latest job when she loved her work and the people she worked with would have removed any questions.
My life euphemistically veered for the ditch when my father died in January 1989. Somehow I knew when I moved to Ontario, that I would never see him alive again, but you can’t live life on premonitions.
It wasn’t that my father and I were that close. We were alike in many ways – our work ethic, values, kindness, our friendliness once we get to know people, and our concern for the underdog. But we had little else in common in terms of interests, other than we shared the Montreal Canadiens as our favourite hockey team.
My father’s death became something of a Circle of Life moment in that we knew he had plans to come and see my son once he was born in April 1989.
Although I have never developed the prototypical work-life balance we are reminded to find, his untimely passing did underline for me that it is important to live in the moment.
I was able to launch my communications consulting business, The Write Stuff!, and have some flexibility in my life because my father had left an inheritance. However, I would give all that back to have seen him live longer. He was just learning how to enjoy himself when he died. In fact, Dad just attended his first NHL game on the night he passed away.
I have strived to find my own level of conformity with the work-life balance ideal, but I do love what I do, so it is not a 50-50 proposition to me.
So, I have found myself working hard like he did, but playing hard when it came time to see some of my favourite performers in concert. Between 2005 and 2006, I saw the Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen and Bob Seger live. I have also taken in numerous hockey and baseball games over the years.
After my mother died in 1991, it was back into the fast lane again. I refocused my career to move from newspaper reporting to corporate writing, editing and photography at the Ontario Lottery Corporation. Five years moved by quickly and I learned a lot of things that would help me find opportunities down the road.
When restructuring began occurring in 1997, I knew it was time for me to revamp my career. It was in that year that I started my company. That led to my position with the Huron-Superior Catholic District School Board, which in turn, paved the way for my current position with the City of Grande Prairie as Manager of Marketing and Communications.
When I think back, my highway of life has been mostly bare and dry, allowing me to travel at top speed most of the time, changing gears as needed. Setbacks, such as my diagnosis of diabetes in 1999, have not been debilitating.
When I found out I had diabetes, I said that the D word is a whole lot better than the C word – cancer.
My good friend and best man, Darrell Skidnuk, was not so fortunate.
He was taken from us after a lengthy battle with cancer in April 2004 at the very young age of 42. Darrell and I met as reporters at the Daily Herald-Tribune in Grande Prairie. He would become associate publisher of Fort McMurray Today. Darrell was the consummate professional, husband, father, volunteer and citizen.
Even though I believe in God, I have not been able to rationalize why He would let a great guy like Darrell suffer and perish when he had so much to offer the world. Many others hate their existence and wish to die.
Darrell was one guy I could talk to about anything, so it seems natural now to wonder when I am having a dilemma, “What would Darrell do?”
Another friend, Diane Sims, has ovarian cancer and multiple sclerosis, along with other related ailments, yet still has a strong spirit to continue writing and helping others through their pain.
Again, I wonder, “Why Diane?” Is it that there are certain people put on this earth simply to inspire others?
So, how does all this relate to me and my life?
I have been motivated by them and try to be better at what I do when I think of them.
Although I don’t know where my highway is taking me, I know my role is to make every workplace I have been to better and to encourage others to be the best they can be. I am here to foster better lives for others who have not had the same fortune as I have while constantly raising the bar for myself.
Wendy is right, we only have one shot at life. Darrell packed a lot into his short existence. Diane continues to fight the odds.
I haven’t always lived up to their standards, just as I don’t always heed the Serenity Prayer when I should.
But as long as I remember where I should be on that highway of life and follow the signs, I will enjoy a rewarding journey.
Who Are Your Friends?
October 27, 2009 § 6 Comments
There is a saying that people come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime and once you figure out where they fit, you will know what to do.
I have always enjoyed the verse because it has helped me numerous times understand others better and made sense of situations, sometimes after the fact, even years later.
People who you think you may enjoy lasting relationships with, you don’t for whatever reason, perhaps differing priorities. Often these folks move to another community and time and distance take their toll. A falling out can end what one might have thought was a lifetime friendship. Other individuals linger in your life a little longer and you realize later that they had a definite purpose and helped you grow from your experience with them. Then, there are people who seemed inconsequential with little in common when you first meet them … individuals you thought were simply fulfilling a reason or, at most, there for that symbolic season, who’ve endured, not just as friends, but almost like family.
For me, those lifetime people easily fit the bill with words I expect to see in a true friendship or even a business relationship – trust, respect, honesty, loyalty, and dependability.
The verse came to mind on my recent holidays to Ontario.
I was reminded of it after my wife, Joyce, and I went for dinner with two couples in Sault Ste. Marie that we have known for many years. And as one year has led into another and then we returned to Alberta after 20 years away, nothing has changed when we get together with these people after two years living in Alberta. These are definitely in the lifetime category.
They are genuine people that you know you could always call on, no matter what, and vice-versa. All friendships are to be treasured, especially ones you have built up for years. But it really is priceless to just be able to pick up where you left off.
With some people, even family members, there seems to be a reaquainting you have to go through before you get into your visit. Not with these friends. It was like we had never left.
One of the couples, we had known longer and spent more time with than the other – in fact we’d become so close that every year for about 16 years, we took turns hosting Christmas back and forth between our homes. If members of our respective families happened to be visiting, they were welcomed in. Summers were never complete without at least one camping trip together at Pancake Bay Provincial Park, north of Sault Ste. Marie, on the shores of Lake Superior. Here’s to you, Jeni and Jim!
The other couple had invited us to their wedding and that was already a dozen years ago! Wow. Nothing had changed with Johnny and Maria Murtha. Always the same down-to-earth, kindhearted people. Cheers to you, too. Actually, it is more like good luck. With two precocious daughters, they will have their hands full in a short time, Dad with a shotgun.
How does it happen that some people just become these kinds of friends that you can so easily reconnect with after two or three years apart?
Technology will certainly help, whether email, Skype, Facebook, Twitter, to keep the ties strong. And we can even pick up the phone every once in a while.
Speaking of technology, it was my interest in learning more about enhancing our City of Grande Prairie website and examining the potential of social media that connected me with my now friend and blogmate, Wendy Peters.
We met by attending the Website Strategy Conference last May in Calgary and hit it off immediately while waiting for one of the presentations to start. More chat ensued after and we exchanged business cards and agreed to stay in touch. I was interested in the validity of getting into the use of Twitter and she encouraged me to try it out. The rest is history.
We intend to write books together and seek other business opportunities, so the status of our relationship has to be at least in the reason category. Perhaps we will go our separate ways after we make a few million dollars together. However, every time we talk on the phone or chat on Facebook, more ideas come out, so it seems more likely that further opportunities would arise.
In fact, what really got our partnership started was my noticing on Twitter how profound some of Wendy’s sayings are. I felt these should be in a book. Wendy immediately jumped at the thought. We decided blogging would be the best way to develop our material together, and faster.
What is really neat is how in sync we are, despite our distance. I live in Grande Prairie and Wendy in Calgary. A reader of The Muse and Views noted that Wendy and I clearly have a lot of chemistry. We both agree wholeheartedly with that statement. It seems comparable to being a figure skating pair who produces great results together. What we do away from the “ice” does not matter and we might have little or nothing in common.
As it turns out, Wendy and I have become great friends and talk regularly on the phone and online. But I was floored when she told me that she had been a figure skater growing up, feeding direcly into my analogy.
In fact, it seems that every time one of us says something, the other has a complementary experience or idea to relate.
How does such magic occur? Why do two people with very different circumstances work so well together and feed off each other so readily? At times, it has been freaky.
I am not going to question the magic. I just want to ride this train to success. On the other hand, just like with our friends Jeni and Jim, the relationship cannot be taken for granted, either. Good friendships and business partnerships are nurtured.
And when Wendy realizes her dream of working in Africa for a while, I better be ready to either go visit or have the ability to conquer even greater communication challenges.
I don’t think there are too many ice rinks in Africa.
Word Bans
October 12, 2009 § 14 Comments
There are words I would like to ban, not necessarily for their being negative, but more because they are not positive. Words and phrases like may, hope to, will try, could, and so on. Most often, these phrases could be replaced with WILL.
While we do fall short in our expectations from time to time, I think a mindset develops around the not-so-positive phrases I alluded to. But in the words of Yoda of Star Wars fame: “Do or do not. There is no try.”
We should train ourselves to talk and think in terms of “I will” versus “I will try” or “I hope to” … more positive things may happen.
I have found that often what follows after the hope to, may, will try, etc. is a coulda, shoulda, woulda.
Oh yes, I know some people feel the word hope is important because they say it is all some people have. There are people who have led challenging lives. There are others who have overcome incredible odds. I want people to realize there can be more than hope.
Another phrase to eliminate is … I think. Either you know or you don’t know.
Wendy is right about the different interpretation of words. I think people sometimes just don’t realize the meaning of what they are saying. How many times have we been in a restaurant and the server has asked us, “Is everything okay?” In some diners, I have been tempted to respond, “shouldn’t it be?”
I know I can be anal, but okay to me is mediocre, nothing to write home about. When I have received exceptional service, I have even tried to do my part to train the server by responding, “Everything is much better than okay. It’s great, especially the service.”
Of course, the server should be rephrasing the question away from putting a standard on dining experience in the first place by getting the patron to describe their own feeling about the visit to the restaurant. Something like, “How is your meal?” Or “Have you enjoyed your visit to our restaurant?”
To me, okay is just … okay.
I’ve never worked a day in my life
September 21, 2009 § 11 Comments
“Find a job that you love and you will never work another day in your life.” – Confucius
I guess that quote from the great Chinese philosopher makes me the biggest slacker in the world because I love what I do. I always have. And I always will.
Oh sure, there have been days where I have not wanted to deal with a certain issue. And there were times when I knew an individual was going to be bothersome. But I can say, without a doubt, I have found enjoyment in every position I’ve ever held.
And there have been a few along the way.
I think this lifetime passion has happened for a few reasons.
I see what I do as a continuum of skill building and experiences. While I have had several positions, and operated my own business in the communications field, everything I’ve done has been a clear stepping stone to the next stage in my employment.
I’ve found variation in what I’ve done and have never allowed myself to get bored or stuck in a rut – common phrases from people who need a change but are doing nothing towards it.
New opportunities, creating greater challenges have always arrived for me long before complacency has had a chance to set in. You can always return to what you were doing before, but if you don’t examine the possibilities, you will likely be saying, “what if” some day.
You will notice I haven’t used the word “job” yet. I see what I do to be more of a calling or a vocation – to distribute information and to tell the stories that need to be told.
In my current role, that means promoting the City of Grande Prairie. When I began my career, my duty was to tell readers about the exploits of the St. Paul Jr. Canadiens. And profiling the local daycare director in the St. Paul Journal would also land me a future wife.
Perhaps my Dad rubbed off on me. It’s always been instinctive to challenge myself to do my best, and then some every day. I have never lost that thirst, that motivation. It was his attitude of striving to always come home having a job well done that inspired me.
Now no one will ever say I am the life of the party. But I do seek to find fun in what I do. And I figure, if you are going to spend most of your waking hours doing something, enjoy it.
I am also not one for setting one-, two- or five-year goals, but I do encourage readers to take action when they know it is time to move on or to move up in the organization.
Don’t wait for your supervisor to recognize you want to do more or that you are seeking new opportunities. As a manager, I try to be in tune with my employees, but I am not a mind reader. A good supervisor will be only too willing to listen to your career aspirations.
And if you really are in a poor work environment, don’t allow yourself to be mired in drudgery. As the words from a popular Trooper song remind us:
If you don’t like what you got, why don’t you change it?
If your world is all screwed up, then rearrange it.
Raise a little hell, raise a little hell, raise a little hell!
I am not recommending you go postal … just be the master of your own destiny so you can find satisfaction in your own career.
The Muse and Views 