Forever In Ink: Free To Be
February 10, 2014 § 3 Comments
I awoke with three words on my mind: Free to be. I shook my head to clear away the confusion I was feeling from waking up in a new place. My eyes focused on the waves crashing against the sandy beach… a dream? No. That is actually what I was waking up to. We were on a private beach in Uluwatu and I had falling asleep in the sun. The words in my head, free to be, would become my next tattoo.
Last April, on a trip to Hawaii, I bought a piece of driftwood that someone had burned “Free To Be” into. I had intended the driftwood as a gift, but the more I looked at it, the more I connected with it. It came home with me and spent the next 9 months on my bedside table. I awoke every morning to it.
Last summer, I remember heading out for a walk and watching a couple of dogs running as fast as they could through the park. Carefree, ears flapping in the wind behind them. I wanted to feel like that, energized and happy to be running as fast as I could for no other reason than the sheer enjoyment of it. But even the walk was work at that point. It just seemed so far away.
You know my story from following previous blog posts. I worked my ass off, settled the rest of my commitments and set off on my travels. I found myself in Bali with a group of women I had never before met, only been on conference calls with prior to the trip and stalked them on Facebook. We were all participants in a trip called the Magical Bali Bucket List tour with Spices Tours. Two weeks in Bali together. It could be a wonderful experience or a terrible nightmare. It was a wonderful experience.
My tattoo in Bali from Sailor July at Lady Rose Tattoo.
I wasn’t planning on getting a second tattoo–at least not in Bali. But, one of the gals on the trip and I got to talking about tattoos–she’s a vibrant canvas of so many beautiful ones! One thing lead to another and soon there were 5 of us who all signed on for a Bali tattoo. Now the hard part… what do I get? I do what I always do when I don’t know an answer yet. I slept on it… in the sunshine on the private beach in Uluwatu.
Two tattoos. On the same arm. Not small. Extremely prominent. Two tattoos that are just so… me.
Free to be. It’s about many things. It’s giving myself permission for this journey I’m on. Even though I’ve gone ahead with it, there’s still a part of me that feels guilty for not taking the path more travelled by. The path so many others take. I tried it for a long time because I thought I was supposed to, not because I ever really wanted to. This tattoo is about following my heart and being whoever it is I want to be in any given moment.
We’re all free to be.
It’s also about reminding myself that if this is a principle I’m living by, it applies to everyone else too. Every friend who may or may not see what I see; loved ones who struggle with my alternative lifestyle choices; past, present or potential partners… everyone. We’re all at where we’re at and we’re free to be there as much or as little as we want. Whenever I find a monologue in my brain that’s anything other than cheering somebody on in the choices they’re making, all I have to do is look down at my arm and remember, “Oh right… we’re free to be.”
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Right after I scheduled this post to publish, I came across this TED Talk about modern slavery… obviously I have some opinions there, unfortunately that discussion didn’t quite fit into the flow of this post.
If You’re Stuck, Get Unstuck By Getting Unclear About The How
October 22, 2013 § 1 Comment
“All it takes is faith and trust… and a little bit of pixie dust.”
– Peter Pan
I had a thought as I was falling asleep last night. So much has been falling into place for me lately–and falling with little effort. My plans to travel are very quickly taking shape… as are the means to support me financially as I globe trot. As I lay entranced in that place between consciousness and unconsciousness, I wondered what specifically had changed inside of me to bring me into my life flow. As I pondered, a little voice spoke up and said, “You’ve surrendered to what you want… rather than what you think you should have.”
Once upon a time I was trying to make my way through life in the image of what others had told me was what life “should” look like. Go to school, get a good job, work my way up, buy a house, get married, have babies, go on a few trips, renovate the house, make my yard pretty, visit a cabin on the lake and work my way to retirement.
All I can say is thank GOD for the internet… for people with ideas of how life doesn’t need to be the one our parents lead, it doesn’t need to resemble what we’re shown in today’s media or the lifestyle our friends are choosing to lead. There are so many different examples out there of people who are living the life they’ve always wanted that it’s become impossible for me to think of my dreams as only dreams–they are tangible visions that I can turn into my reality.
This voyage that I’m embarking on has been the thing I’ve wanted to do for more than a decade. All of my efforts have been geared towards giving me the freedom to go. Even when I wasn’t consciously focused on creating the opportunity to travel, it seemed as though some part of me held on to that dream, dug in and gripped so hard I carried it with me through the years.
Even just a few months ago, it still seemed so far away… it was a dream I wasn’t sure I’d get to realize. That is, until I committed to it… I just didn’t know how I was going to make it happen. The secret is in the commitment. Get yourself to that point where there’s no way in hell you’re turning back… and surrender.
To me commitment looked like giving notice at my job and at the apartment I was renting as well as letting everyone I knew… I mean everyone… that I was headed off around the world and I didn’t really know what else the picture entailed… but short of illegal activities, I was open to any and all possibilities.
The minute I surrendered the mechanics and gave up any notion of strategizing and planning before I began taking action… the minute I opened myself up to possibilities I couldn’t even fathom, guess what showed up? The means and the opportunities to take me forward.
Writing, online marketing, social media and web design contracts, volunteer organizations, websites with workplace opportunities, people to travel with, people to stay with, offers for reduced airfare and other contra opportunities, travel guides in different countries, joining friends for weddings around the globe… and I haven’t even boarded a plane yet.
If you’re stuck, get clear about the dream, but get unclear about the how. Like a magic eye, when things get out of focus, sometimes you can see the underlying message more clearly. Open your heart, step into the thing or the way of life you’ve always dreamt of, take care of anything you’ve put in your way to hold you back (pay off, sell or rent your home… have that conversation with your spouse… decide to take your kids out of school and go sailing for a year) and soak it all in!
You can’t know what’s waiting for you until you open the door, step outside and take flight!
They Call Me The Wanderer
September 23, 2013 § 4 Comments
Photo credit: divadsci1
There’s something about being on the verge of the next big thing that gets my blood pumping. Three years ago it was launching an incredibly vibrant community of urban explorers when I began my adventure as the Yelp Calgary Community Manager. Now, I find myself saying goodbye to the community I’ve built of some of the friendliest and coolest people I’ve ever met and embarking upon a new journey, one I’ve been dreaming up for more than a decade.
I’m a wandering spirit. I have been ever since my first trip overseas to Indonesia when I was 14. Multiple trips throughout my teens and early 20s shaped my young world views and inspired me to achieve my Bachelor of Commerce in International Business from the University of Alberta. I wanted to travel.
Many twists and turns and detours have brought me to where I’m at. Deaths in the family; the thrill and naivety of my youth that subsequently had me spending the last four and a half years paying off nearly $72,000 in debt (final payment last week!); various people and positions and jobs that have shaped my views on how the world works and brought some incredible people into my networks along the way…
David and I talk a lot about following our passion. I love to inspire people to choose their dreams and live them. The only effective way I’ve found to accomplish this is to follow that same mantra myself.
And so last week, I tendered my resignation in pursuit of my big hairy dream. Come January, I’ll be a wanderer, a wayfarer. I’ve fulfilled any commitments that once prevented me from going. Now, I wander.
It’s fitting that the first trip on my books is back to the land that first inspired my desire to travel. I’ll be headed on a “bucket list” trip to Bali as I do some work with a local tours company, Spices.
Stay tuned… I’m sure I’ll have many insights and inspirations to share as I make my way!
I Love You.
June 17, 2013 § 1 Comment
Today, I looked myself in the mirror and I wouldn’t budge until I was able to say something to myself that I’ve been longing to hear.
At first, the words wouldn’t come. Blue eyes were staring back at me expectantly. A lump formed in my throat. My bottom lip began to tremble. My eyes welled with tears. I wanted to look away, but I didn’t. This was too important. The blue eyes still looking at me, also red and brimming with tears. So long as I was there, they weren’t going anywhere. Try again.
“I…” I faltered and broke down once more. But with renewed courage I tried again.
“I love you.” I stumbled on the words at the end, but at least this time it was out!
I did it again. And again. And again. Until the words were loud and clear and resounding from a place inside of me I do my best to ignore. If I could’ve hugged the figure in the mirror, what an embrace it would have been. As it was, we stared back at one another, each with a grateful smile curling on our lips. I picked up a hand towel and dried her tears.
“I love you. I see you.” She smiled back. We’ve made contact.
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“If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anybody else.”
– Jennifer Lopez
People around me are falling in love. And I’m paying attention. A colleague recently shared a scrapbook she made for her partner – full of words of love, affection and celebration. I flipped each page, looking at the photos, the mementos, the laughing eyes and faces brimmed with happiness.
“This is beautiful!” I said as I handed the scrapbook back to her.
Inside I thought, “Is this what people in love look like?” I’ve known this girl for a long time. I’ve never seen her eyes dance like this before. I think it must be.
My best friend and I have joined forces with another of our friends to complete a book study of Calling In The One by Katherine Woodward Thomas. 7 weeks of exercises and contemplation. At the centre of just about every exercise… you (me). The book is about learning to love yourself, because as J Lo pointed out, true love isn’t possible until we first love ourselves.
I met a man once in the midst of a messy marriage. As I listened to his story, all I could feel were the pain behind his words. A woman he shouldn’t have married, a house that wasn’t creating a space of love for either of them or their children. As we talked, I found myself relating to his pain. Not his situation, but the feeling behind the situation. As he told his story, I could see the parts in mine where I could take the initiative to turn all that around. Most of his story was about learning to stand up for himself and step into his light rather than skulking in his shadows.
I’ve done a great deal of work on my self-image and self-esteem, but I went deeper. I got right down next to the me that was still hurting and I watched what made her cower, made her hide, made her afraid to show her beautiful face. Anything I do that makes her feel like less of a person, I stop. Now we manage our eating habits, our spending habits, our relationships and our thoughts with much more awareness and intention. Because when I slip up, she hides.
I slip up when I’m not listening to her. She knows exactly what she wants, what she needs.
Last night as I lay in my bed, it dawned on me that I could give her what she wants.
“I love you, Wendy,” I whispered into the darkness.
This morning I woke up, all warm and snuggled in my blankets.
“I love you, Wendy.”
And then I had the brilliant idea that I should look myself in the eyes while I said it.
I trudged upstairs, hair a mess, bits of eyeliner still lining my eyes from what I didn’t wash off the night before. I looked myself in the mirror and I wouldn’t budge until I was able to say something to myself that I’ve been longing to hear.
Eyes brimming with tears, lips trembling, it took a few tries, but I did it.
“I love you, Wendy.”
Contact.
Be Bold. Be Beautiful. Be Undeniably You.
February 18, 2013 § 3 Comments
It’s been some weeks since I started the Year of the External Me. Focusing on myself like that, on the things I want to achieve, the people I want in my life, it’s intimidating how quickly everything begins falling into place. Before any of it did, however, there was one key factor I was missing.
English: Charles the Bold (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Last month was community manager appreciation day. It’s a day I love because, well, I’m a community manager! I was pondering community building and what it really boils down to. Building community is creating something that people want to be a part of. I brought that down a level further to my own life. How can I create a life full of genuine connection with people I love? By creating a life and a space that they want to be a part of. In that, it’s something I’ve got to love so deeply and so strongly that I never want to leave it and that I can’t help but want to bring more people into.
Though I’ve enjoyed many parts of my life to date, I wasn’t in that space at the beginning of the year. I had some work to do learning to love everything about who I am now and where I’m at. Meaning participating fully in the friendships and relationships (both personal and professional) that I’m engaged in and to just, excuse the language, but stop giving a shit what any of them think. Instead, I began operating from a space where my approval is the only one that matters. It’s powerful stuff!
Note: It doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped caring about the wants and needs of others, just that I put mine first. If I can meet theirs after that? Cool! But never to my detriment.
Almost as soon as I started focusing on internal rather than external approval, the domino effect began. The first result? I relaxed. Like, really relaxed. I remember a time last year where I’d wake up in the morning and my jaw would be clenched. Now, I still get tense, but I use that as a signal from my body that there’s something that requires my immediate attention. As soon as it’s taken care of, we’re on our merry way. Other noticeable changes? I sleep solidly. The time I never felt I had to spend with friends and family is suddenly there. The help I was looking for before is showing up. And I’m experiencing a shift in my relationships. The ones that don’t serve me are either falling by the wayside or evolving into something deeper and more supportive. I feel like I’ve become a part of something bigger than just myself. Like I’m contributing, but I’m not doing it alone.
And to think, it’s all because I’ve given myself permission to be bad at the things I’m bad at (like a perfect inbox. That’s just not in my cards) and to shine as brightly as I can shine where it’s easiest (writing and people!). So if you’re struggling or things in your life just aren’t falling into place like you keep wanting them to, I really have only one piece of advice for you:
Stop whatever it is you’re doing, whoever it is you’re trying to be. Instead, focus on who you actually are and accepting every single piece of you, whether you think it’s a flaw or a gift. Go for the glory, reach for the stars. Be bold. Be beautiful. Be undeniably you.
The Year Of The Internal Me
December 31, 2012 § 5 Comments
This year started out as… well, I can’t remember exactly what it started out as. It ended up being the year of the internal me. I worked long and I worked hard to uncover many of the beliefs that have been holding me back from being the person I so desperately wanted to be. The result? Self acceptance for everything I am, everything I want and permission to make it all come true.
The first of the indulgences I’ve allowed myself was getting my very first tattoo just last month in Saskatoon. I’ve been talking about it for the last four years. I quite literally wanted to put my heart on my sleeve. I had begun researching tattoo parlours in Calgary, but hadn’t gone so far as to visit them yet. I wanted the right person, the right opportunity. The “right” things in my life just seem to fall into place when it’s time (like how David and I met and began this blog). I had a feeling this tattoo would follow a similar path.
Photo credit: Reginald Tiangha
Back in September, my friend Dan got his first tattoo, his parrot Baub. I made a promise that I would follow through with mine before my 31st birthday, which is in March. Wouldn’t you know it, Dan and I planned a road trip to Saskatoon in November and he mentioned he was going to add some foliage to Baub while we were in town. His friend Baillie owns a long-standing tattoo shop called Eye Of The Needle.
“Do you think Baillie would have time to slip me in too?” I asked Dan.
A quick text message to Baillie confirmed that she thought she could do it.
I found an image of the anatomically correct heart that I wanted. The “real” shape of the heart reminds me to keep at least one foot planted in reality as I have a tendency to spend my time with my head in the clouds. We emailed it to Baillie and a couple of days later showed up for our tattoos. The heart took about an hour and a half to ink onto my upper arm. It didn’t hurt exactly, it felt more like many incessant and annoying mosquito bites. Every chance I got after that, I’d peer down at my arm. Yep, it was still there. It’s been over a month and it hasn’t washed off yet. I think this thing might be permanent.
I haven’t worn a long-sleeved shirt since the day my heart appeared on my arm. I didn’t want to cover it up. I’ve been doing that most of my life. Hiding my emotions. Pretending I don’t feel strongly about something when really I do… I feel strongly about a lot of things… but always trying to be the peace keeper. Trying not to rock the boat.
Now it’s out there. It’s out there for everyone to see. It’s my reminder to check in with myself regularly. To ask myself what my true feelings are about the situation I’m in, the decisions I’m making, the people I’m hanging around with. And it’s my opportunity to speak up for myself, to say what’s on my mind and to stand firmly in the person I am.
Now, with another New Year on my doorstep, I can proceed with creating even more of the life I want. Without a lot of the BS I used to tell myself along for the ride, it will likely come my way a whole lot faster.
May you also find the courage to be honest about what you want, where you want to go and the inner strength to make it your reality.
Happy New Year!
Once Upon A Time…
November 12, 2012 § 2 Comments
Flickr credit: Pascal
Have you ever listened to the stories you’re telling yourself? Sure you have. They replay in our minds all the time. Stories about the kind of people we are, what our lives are like, where we’ve been and who we are striving to become. We tell ourselves stories about the world around us, what our friends, teammates, coworkers and others are like, or what parts of the world are going through. It’s how we gain perspective, how we make sense of things and how we build a foundation to move forward with.
Stories are such an incredible part of how we build meaning and connection in our lives. And yet, when these stories run unchecked, when we don’t say them out loud and share them with someone, they have the potential to become dangerous truths we embed in our hearts.
Two weeks ago, I wrote a blog post about a skewed story I made up about myself and where I’ve come from in the last decade. I’m thankful for the support network I’ve built and the skills I’ve been honing to unravel limiting beliefs. They’ve helped me identify the story and come full circle.
After I settled back into the picture of coming from a family that wanted me, I began recalling so many good memories. I remembered when my mom spent hours sewing and making my princess costume just right for Halloween when I was a young girl. I remembered tagging along with my dad and hanging out on a red stool at the Skylark Café in Millet. I was pretty little, but it was one of my favourite things to do with him. And then there were all of the trips my grandparents would make to come out and visit us. I was always tickled pink when they made it down for one of my skating recitals. My parents drove my brother and I to and from our various activities… plenty of hockey games and tournaments for him. Dance lessons, skating competitions and tests, rugby games and piano lessons for me. The hours they invested in nurturing our talents and doing their best to provide as much as they could for us… when did I let myself forget about all of that?
If I had known then what I know now, I would’ve spent a whole lot more time talking about the feelings and thoughts happening beneath my surface. I would’ve installed a few checks and balances to guide me in the right direction and tell me when I’d fallen well of course. The good news is, I’ve got those checks and balances now. A carefully curated group of individuals I can bounce my story off of and see if it rings true from their perspectives. It’s like using my own sonar to create my images, sending out pulses and seeing what bounces back. Often, it’s a much different picture than the one I painted for myself.
Whatever story it is you’re telling yourself, I encourage you to run it by a few people before deciding it’s something you’re going to stick with. Whether it’s in evaluating a situation you think will help you, something that builds you up, or attempting to assess the challenges standing in your path, often an outside perspective can help identify the holes in what you’re weaving. It may take a bit of time to go through the prep, but ultimately, you’ll be able to move forward better equipped to navigate successfully to your next destination.
A Picture’s Worth 871 Words
October 28, 2012 § 3 Comments
My mom is magic. Really, she is. I haven’t given her nearly enough credit for the woman she is and the influence she’s had in creating the wonderful person I’ve become.
She’s recently taught me yet another valuable lesson, though I think I’ve expanded on it a bit further than she intended me to. (Such are the joys of an active thinker, trust that I will take any concept you give me and stretch it far and wide!)
The lesson she intended to instill in me is that I am wanted and loved.
I’ve been doing an incredible amount of work on relationships lately, with a much stronger focus since the spring. It’s one of the areas of my life I’ve seemed to struggle with the most and so I’ve been delving deep behind the scenes to see what can be done about strengthening the foundations I’ve built.
Last week, I called my mother in a moment of impatience and frustration. “I’ve been putting myself out there, meditating, making my lists, making space in my life both in my schedule and in my house… hell, I’ve even cleared out a drawer. Come on! What else is it I need to do???”
A little voice in the back of my mom’s mind told her that there’s something she’s been needing to tell me, something critical that would help me over this last part, but she didn’t know what that message was. Coincidentally, she’s been on a similar purge, preparing herself to let go of many of the items she hasn’t been ready to release for one reason or another. A couple of weeks back she got to her old photo slides. She tossed many of them without even opening the box to find out what was inside, but there was one in particular that she couldn’t bring herself to throw out. As she pulled out a sleeve of slides, one of them caught her eye. “I need to get a print of that photo made,” she thought. “No, I need to get two prints made.” One was for me.
She knew what the message was.
Just after I finished my little temper tantrum, mom told me about the photograph. It was a photo of her and my dad – before they had Wayne and I – and it was a picture of them just being really happy together. Her insight? Somewhere along the line, I became jaded about the relationship my parents had. The photo is a reminder for me that they started out in a happy place… that I came from a happy place. They wanted children together, they very much wanted my brother and I, we were a happy family for quite some time. But between what I viewed as them bailing on the relationship (I was 19 when they split up), and my brother leaving this planet for whatever is beyond a few years later, the family I was born into collapsed around me and I felt like the only one left standing, the only one who still wanted to be there.
As my mother told me more, like how my father was there in the room to hold me when I was first born and how he used to ride around Millet with Wayne in the truck beside him, tears were streaming down my face. My mom saw what I was in the middle of, but what I couldn’t see. My assumption had become that nobody wanted me or what I had to offer. And yet, as she painted the picture of the happy family I had actually come from, there was the belief, plain as day, staring me in face. It’s influenced everything I’ve done and every acquaintance, friendship and relationship I’ve had. I’ve entered each believing I wasn’t wanted in the first place.
After percolating on this point for a few days and deciding it was safe to send this belief out with the rest of the trash I’ve been getting rid of, I put on my new lenses and really took a look at each of the relationships I’ve had in the last few years. I had always believed the ending of each was a reinforcement that the entire relationship wasn’t right and a part of me thought it shouldn’t have happened at all. But my new lenses were showing me my next lesson.
The meaning and beauty I’ve attached to a particular person or moment needed be tarnished by subsequent actions or results. It can shine on with the same significance it previously held.
I find myself now enjoying this new space. It’s one where I can appreciate a moment independently of what is happening around it. Regardless of the final outcome of any given situation, I’m no longer allowing myself to diminish my significance or that of another in my life for the sake of defending an old belief that doesn’t serve to lift anyone one up anyway. Instead, I’m now surrounding myself with these happy memories. They are the soft cloak of love and support with which I move forward. They are my reminder, regardless of what’s happening, that a life full of joy and happiness is a choice I can make today and everyday.
Note: The photo’s still printing. I’ll share it soon!
Pop Your Cherry
October 11, 2012 § Leave a comment
Flickr Credit: Richard Thomas
The new ‘do.
Today, I was out visiting my bestest Barb. Barb and I met through a common friend once upon a time at a concert. I couldn’t imagine my life without her now. Funny how that works. Anyway, that’s besides the point.
Today, I was out visiting my bestest Barb so we could catch up AND she could have some fun with my hair. By fun I mean what you see to the right. Yes, some colour. She had so much fun playing and all I could think about was how much fun I was having… and my life before life got fun.
I’m so lucky to have found a space where it’s expected that I’ll be 100% myself… more if possible. The less I bring of myself to the table, the less successful I am.
I remembered back when I was in my yonder, younger years, everyone would fawn over my long blond hair. “It’s so gorgeous, why would you ever want to do anything with it?” they’d often comment. In high school, I let my friend Marla give me highlights once. They were exactly two shades darker than my current hair colour. You couldn’t even see them unless the light hit them just so.
When I was in university, I got bold one day on a road trip to Seattle with an old class mate and chopped my hair off from my long blond locks to a cute little bob. When we got home, I found the bestest ever stylist (before I met Barb) at Swizzlesticks in Edmonton. He was brave enough to take artistic liberties with my hair. His name was Dave. I loved him (for his scissor skills – not to be confused with scissoring skills – and because he always called me his Nordic princess). He popped my colour cherry. As in… he was the first one to add anything more than those little highlights to my hair. Who knew a hairstyle could be so freeing? In later years, I looked back on this time as being the time when I was the most “me”.
Speaking of the most me, guess who’s back to super short hair and experimenting with colours? I repopped my colour and short hair cherry when I jumped ship from corporate Calgary and joined ranks with Yelp – and the more comfortable I am in my own skin, the better things seem to get.
On popping your cherry…
Whatever it is… just go do it. It’s like your first. You’re nervous and you don’t really know what to expect. But it’s something you’ve heard your friends doing and it sounds like it could be a lot of fun. So, what’s holding you back?
No matter your first encounter, finding a new cherry to pop in your life will always add some pizzazz and excitement. You got over your “real” first time and now have a blast in those encounters, right? It’s time to apply the same feelings and experiences elsewhere! (Well… metaphorically-ish). So… POP!
I Did It On Purpose!
September 30, 2012 § 4 Comments
Yes… I was a dancing turkey on purpose. Why? Because I wanted to…
I’ve recently begun to live my life on purpose. You know, like, deliberately. With one full month of life happening because of me rather than to me, I’ve got to say, I’m pretty confident in my process so far. All it requires is one little question, “Why?”
For every action I perform, I ask myself, “Why?” And if the answer is anything other than, “Because I want to,” I scrap it. From the work I’m doing to the food I’m eating to the activities and people I’m engaging with, I’m not living the way I’m supposed to, I’m living the way I want to. That one simple change has brought me, by far, the most fun and stress free month I can remember. I feel like a kid that’s just gotten off the best ride ever and is taking a quick breather before she jumps right back on!
Do you want to hear the best part? Despite all the fun, everything still got done. I’m healthier, I’m happier, my relationships are stronger and I’m more effective in all areas of my life. All because “no” and “can’t” and “shouldn’t” simply don’t exist as options. Neither does “hard”. Oh, and “because that’s the way it is”… yeah, I took a sledgehammer to that one.
I’ve been reading Lost And Found by Geneen Roth. She makes many resounding observations, but one in particular sticks with me. It’s the idea that well-intentioned lessons repeatedly told to us throughout our lives morph into ugly, limiting beliefs. For instance, when I was a kid, I was told that I was chubby and that I had to watch what I ate. I’ve been fighting with food and my own self-image ever since.
So, what changed? I looked at the behaviour. Whenever I caught myself trying to manage myself around food, I asked, “Why do I want that?” or “Why can’t I have that?” Most often, the answer was, “Because I’m not supposed to.” I dug deeper. “Why?” The reply, “Because I have a weight problem and if I allow myself one bite of that donut, chocolate, piece of cake, etc. I won’t be able to stop myself.”
Bullshit.
I dug deeper and found no memory of this ever happening. What I did find was a particular moment in my childhood when I felt ashamed after being scolded in front of relatives at Thanksgiving dinner for reaching for a second piece of dessert.
I’ve subsequently thrown any weight loss goals out the window. If I want cake for breakfast, I eat it. Most often, though, what I really want is a bowl full of strawberries or a bit of granola. If I don’t want anything, I don’t eat it. I’ve lost 7 lbs in the last month.
Doing what we’re supposed to do or attempting to keep up appearances for the sake of appearances does nothing more than serve to take up space and keep us from attaining that which we want most. Make a list. Check it twice. And ask, “Why?” Rinse and repeat for any areas of your life you aren’t attaining what you want.
The Muse and Views 