Finding My Own Reasons To Remember On November 11
November 11, 2014 § 1 Comment
Remembrance Day hasn’t meant as much to me in past years as it does today. I would pay my respects at a local ceremony, wear my red poppy on my collar, observe my moment of silence for those who’ve given their lives to give me mine… I knew in my head that it was a significant day, but my only connection to why came from textbooks in school, articles I read in newspapers or magazines or stories told through TV shows or movies. It’s difficult to grasp the heart of why we remember when it wasn’t something I had experienced first hand.
This morning, my first read was from Peter Mansbridge on why he remembers on November 11th. I thought about the many sites I’ve visited during my travels this year that have caused me pause.
Paseo de los Canadienses in Malaga, Spain, a tribute to Canadian Dr Norman Bethune for the humanitarian aid he provided during the Spanish Civil War in 1937.
In May, I spent two weeks in Malaga, Spain. One day, I took a walk out along the beach and followed the path on past the city limits and along the coast. After walking about an hour I looked up to see a sign that read “Paseo de los Canadienses.” It’s a promenade in tribute to the humanitarian aid Canadian Dr Norman Bethune provided during the Spanish Civil War in 1937.
In September, I found myself in Germany. A walking tour through Hamburg brought us to what had once been an impressive cathedral, now left in ruins after it had been hit by a bomb. We also visited a chocolate factory that was once the location where the gas for the gas chambers in the Nazi camps was made.
A week later, through the vivid storytelling of my tour guide Kate with Fat City Bike Tours, I visited the Berlin Wall and the Cold War era of Berlin.
The tour took us through the division of Germany and Berlin after WWII, the tensions between East and West that lead to the creation of the Berlin Wall in 1961, many of the stories of families separated and its unforeseen fall in 1989.
The Cold War is said to have ended in 1991. I never realized how close I came to growing up in a world entangled in another World War.
We also visited the Sachsenhausen Memorial and Museum, a concentration camp a short train ride outside of Berlin. It was a heavy day, retracing the footsteps of WWII prisoners, standing within feet of a gas chamber used in the last 80 years for mass murder.
Past and present, the temporary pontoon bridge in Antwerp, Belgium.
In early October, I walked across a pontoon bridge in Antwerp with thousands of other Antwerpians. It was the 100th anniversary commemorating a pontoon bridge that was built that same weekend in 1914 to help the Belgian King and many of the city’s inhabitants escape invasion by the Germans in WWI. More than 1.5 million people fled the city–many thousands via that bridge, waiting in a lineup a lot longer than the one I was in to cross the 370 metre temporary flotation.
I imagined having to leave many of my belongings behind, not having the weeks to go through them that I had as I prepared to pack up my house and put what I wanted to keep in a storage unit.
A plaque on the backside of the Steen in Antwerp commemorating the role Canadian troops played in the liberation of Antwerp in WWII.
Also in Antwerp, around the back of The Steen Castle, the oldest standing building in the city, I came upon a plaque commemorating the role Canadian troops played in the liberation of the city during WWII.
The plaque reads:
On 16 September 1944, 550 soldiers of the Royal Hamilton Light Infantry (RHLI), 2nd Canadian Infantry Division, under the command of Lieutenant Colonel Denis Whitaker, DSO, advanced into Antwerp to prevent the enemy from destroying the port facilities. For the next three weeks the RHLI, supported by the Belgian Resistance under the command of Colonel Eugene Colson, fought a number of actions to secure the harbour’s vital equipment. Accompanied by the Resistance, the Canadians then began the advance to Woensdrecht and Zuid-Beveland (The Netherlands) as part of the overall offensive to free the approaches to Antwerp.
On 28 November 1944, a Canadian supply ship became the first vessel to steam up the river Scheldt into Antwerp harbour, bringing the essential materials that contributed significantly to the Allied victory. Of the almost 13,000 allied casualties in this campaign, 6,500 were Canadian.
4 September 1944-4 September 2004
When you turn a corner and find a tribute to one or many Canadians who’ve given their lives to impact that part of the world for the better; when you sit in a centuries-old cathedral that is nothing now but shattered walls and rubble and still wears the black marks from an exploded bomb; when you walk in the footsteps of people who only 100 years ago were fleeing a city under fire; when you encounter a wall that came down in your lifetime but you were too young to understand what was happening and what it meant at the time; or when you read the more recent headlines about the targeted attacks on Canadian Parliament and military, the reason why we remember becomes crystal clear.
I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for the country in which I live, for every person who has stood up to protect the rights and freedoms that support the life I’m fortunate to lead and for the past and present roles Canadians play in protecting those rights and freedoms beyond our borders.
Wisdom from the Passing Torch
June 16, 2014 § 1 Comment
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
Legendary basketball coach John Wooden
Photo credit: Flickr User Tom Bech
The quote above was so meaningful to me that I put it up in my office at work. Its power was underlined over the past few weeks as I attended two celebrations of life.
At the first, the funeral of a colleague’s father, the pastor encouraged those in attendance to consider how we would want people to talk about us when it is time for our lives to be celebrated.
Of course, we have no way of knowing when that will be. Our time could come tomorrow or decades from now so living life to the fullest will provide a strong legacy to those we leave behind.
While, I live with no regrets, the second funeral – that of my mother-in-law – Mary Black, highlighted the life of someone who was as much of a role model as anyone could ever be.
Mary was soft-spoken but ever so strong. She was kind, gentle and compassionate. I can’t think of anyone else who no one would have a negative word to say about them.
She was the ideal mother-in-law and, in turn, she has my ultimate respect.
Mary’s way of life can probably be summed up best by what could be found on her refrigerator: pictures of family and friends and the Serenity Prayer.
She lived a simple life and her gifts were always thoughtful, often home-made.
One such present was delivered to my wife, Joyce, for Mother’s Day 14 years ago.
It was a journal filled with memories and answers to life questions.
It contained some sage advice which I’ll share:
- What is the most important message you have to pass on to others? “Be honest, don’t be lazy, do your best. Learn to laugh at yourself. We really are funny.”
- What is the secret of good health? “Have good genes, drink lots of water, eat sensibly, and keep moving.”
- What is your advice to those younger than you? “If there is something that you really want do to, don’t put it off too long. If there is something that you know you should do or say, don’t put it off. Find something good about every day.”
- What is your child-rearing philosophy? “Love them all the time, even when you hate what they are doing. Somebody has to be boss, so it better be an adult. Expect the best of them.”
- One word on how to live successfully? “Love. I would say live by the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do to you.”
- What are your most deeply embedded values? Honesty, love, truth. I would love to live in a world where everybody has enough to eat and no one was hungry, cold or lonely. I believe selfishness and greed cause all the problems. I am a Christian and try to live a life that will hurt no one else and maybe even help other people.”
Mary lived in her own home until she was 89 when a stroke would hit and lead to her eventual deterioration.
It was always a pleasure to visit her place. The calming atmosphere and inclusiveness she fostered were an attraction as were the cinnamon buns.
She was a fine example where the reputation matched the character.
Goodbye, Mary, thanks for the memories and the lovely daughter.
A Successful Cross-Continental Search
June 9, 2014 § 2 Comments
There’s nothing quite like a series of old photographs to remind us of places we’ve been, friends we’ve been there with and the person we were ourselves at the time.
I’ve been on the road for 5 months to the day. My explorations have taken me across 9 countries and 5 continents, I still have just over a month to go before I’m home for the summer.
When I was leaving, one of my friends commented on Facebook, “I hope you find what it is you’re searching for!” I hoped so too. An epic trip like this had been my only real end goal since I came back from a 4 week trip to Italy and southern France in 2004… and now was the time to do it. I was lost.
Back in 2010, I had a moment. A moment where, like a ton of bricks, the reality of my brother’s death came crashing down on me. I’ve never had a moment that dark before (and thankfully haven’t since). In the days after that moment, I found myself reaching for my friends. Emails, messages, phone calls and notes, apologizing for being a “horrible” friend for feeling like I hadn’t been present for them in a long time. Most everyone just gave me a hug or an encouraging note back, except for two long time friends. They were hurt because they felt like they had lost a friend.
This point is only important now because I’ve been circling on our conversation a lot, trying to understand their perspective, looking through their eyes, remembering.
In these last 5 months, I’ve been clearing out a lot of lingering cobwebs like old beliefs come back for another go and nooks and crannies I hadn’t quite gotten to on my last internal sweep. But I’ve also been able to take a full step outside of my life and do a proper evaluation on what happened. My diagnosis–I suffered from a really, really, really broken-heart.
I’m on my own out here. Being on my own has given me ample time to feel, to reflect and to heal. I circled back to that conversation with those two friends to help me understand that part of me (my feeling heart) disappeared for a long time. It wasn’t lost exactly, it had just buried itself so far away from everyone that I had to go looking across continents for it.
The good news is that I found it somewhere back in Spain and today, looking back at all of my old photos and reconnecting with the person I was in them, I think I’ve convinced it to make the trek back with me this summer. I miss me and the friends and family I’ve surrounded myself with too!
I promise to keep a closer eye on it from here on in… and to let you help me by bringing it out more often!
Goodbye But Never To Be Forgotten
March 3, 2014 § 11 Comments
Jasper soaking up a sunbeam.
I had absolutely no intention of getting another dog after Sammi went to Canine Heaven in July 2002.
The idea certainly wasn’t on my mind that Sunday afternoon just two months later when I was off to Staples with Joyce to get some office supplies for the communications business I operated at the time.
She suggested we stop in at the Humane Society along the way. I recall thinking there would be no harm in looking.
I didn’t buy the printer cartridge and paper I’d set out to purchase that day. Instead, it would be the start of another wonderful journey with a very different dog from the smart-as-a-whip, loyal and protective, but timid girl who’d been part of our family for 15 years.
Check out the blog I authored four years ago profiling the short story I penned about Jasper for a writing competition.
We had to say goodbye to him this past Thursday before I finished turning it into a book. It was sudden and much too soon.
Once you read the blog, you’ll know that Jasper would want his story to be told. It is one that deserves to be shared with the world.
Jasper was just eight weeks old when we met him. Joyce and I were immediately drawn to him but we didn’t make any impulse decisions as we are known to do.
In the ensuing days, Peter and I went back and looked at dogs and then the three of us returned within a week. I remember wandering around the Humane Society looking at other possibilities while Joyce and Peter had turned their attention back to the floppy eared Golden Lab/Shepherd/mutt.
They brought him to me to make a final decision.
I was trying to make a serious choice as I took him for a brief walk and then picked him up. It didn’t take long for that happy face to make the response a resounding Yes.
Like any puppy, Jasper created his fair share of frustration, including eating some heirloom books and an autographed Jean Beliveau autobiography. A neighbour lady politely referred to him as rambunctious.
However, once Jasper became a person, as he clearly thought of himself, he turned into my hero.
The world would be a better place if more people had Jasper’s qualities. He lived life to the fullest and made sure those around him enjoyed his company. He could make me laugh even on the crappiest days.
If he was a regular school child, Jasper would have been the class clown, but always to amuse others. He was always himself – gregarious, happy-go-lucky and fun but equally there if you needed to talk to someone.
A co-worker who came by to express her condolences described Jasper as a character and related a story that made me smile.
When she and her daughter took a walk with us once, the girl hopped onto a park bench to rest and Jasper jumped up right beside her as if he were just another child.
Even in his waning days, Jasper knew how to capture a heart.
We took in a boarder in early January and it didn’t take long for Brianne and Jasper to be fighting over space on the couch. Once territory was established, he would cuddle in just like he did when he assumed his one-third of the bed with Joyce and I.
Even on his last night with us, Jasper gave us glimpses of his old self. We tried to distract him with treats. He was pacing around after his first of multiple seizures. He chowed the morsels down like he did as a puppy.
He was eager to go with us on a walk down to the mailbox. Jasper’s tail wagged spritely and he even surged ahead, something he hadn’t done much lately. Perhaps he knew the end was near and he wanted to give us a final gift.
I will end with excerpts from Facebook tributes Peter, who is attending college in Kelowna, and Joyce wrote:
“Today I was informed that one of my best and oldest friends was unfairly taken from this plane of existence. Jasper was the only being to always show his overwhelming excitement to see me and tolerated moods both good and bad. He never once judged me for coming home in the wee hours of the morning, even if I had had a few too many drinks.
He, as all the best dogs do, had a great sense of emotional ESP and never failed in cheering me up after a bad day. He was a great wrestling opponent and a decent snuggler. He was a barrel of laughs and a cauldron of joy. I will endlessly miss his adorable furry face.
Now, he is leaping across the Rainbow Bridge, past the gates of Asgard and into the mighty halls of Puppy Valhalla to receive a Kong from Odin himself, filled with the finest peanut butter in all 12 kingdoms.
So long, Jasp-articus. It was a slice.”
Joyce wrote:
“Today we said goodbye to our funny, crazy, wonderful, cuddly, loving and always entertaining Jasper. He was the best thing at the end of the day … coming home to that wagging tail, happy face and overwhelmingly enthusiastic nature.
I’m sure that for a long time we will hear the jingle of his collar as he woke up, the click of toenails on the floor coming to check out what was interesting in the fridge and his distinctive “hooting” when we came home too late or were ignoring his more subtle hints that it was time for a walk.
“Rest peacefully my sweet boy.”
Forever In Ink: Free To Be
February 10, 2014 § 3 Comments
I awoke with three words on my mind: Free to be. I shook my head to clear away the confusion I was feeling from waking up in a new place. My eyes focused on the waves crashing against the sandy beach… a dream? No. That is actually what I was waking up to. We were on a private beach in Uluwatu and I had falling asleep in the sun. The words in my head, free to be, would become my next tattoo.
Last April, on a trip to Hawaii, I bought a piece of driftwood that someone had burned “Free To Be” into. I had intended the driftwood as a gift, but the more I looked at it, the more I connected with it. It came home with me and spent the next 9 months on my bedside table. I awoke every morning to it.
Last summer, I remember heading out for a walk and watching a couple of dogs running as fast as they could through the park. Carefree, ears flapping in the wind behind them. I wanted to feel like that, energized and happy to be running as fast as I could for no other reason than the sheer enjoyment of it. But even the walk was work at that point. It just seemed so far away.
You know my story from following previous blog posts. I worked my ass off, settled the rest of my commitments and set off on my travels. I found myself in Bali with a group of women I had never before met, only been on conference calls with prior to the trip and stalked them on Facebook. We were all participants in a trip called the Magical Bali Bucket List tour with Spices Tours. Two weeks in Bali together. It could be a wonderful experience or a terrible nightmare. It was a wonderful experience.
My tattoo in Bali from Sailor July at Lady Rose Tattoo.
I wasn’t planning on getting a second tattoo–at least not in Bali. But, one of the gals on the trip and I got to talking about tattoos–she’s a vibrant canvas of so many beautiful ones! One thing lead to another and soon there were 5 of us who all signed on for a Bali tattoo. Now the hard part… what do I get? I do what I always do when I don’t know an answer yet. I slept on it… in the sunshine on the private beach in Uluwatu.
Two tattoos. On the same arm. Not small. Extremely prominent. Two tattoos that are just so… me.
Free to be. It’s about many things. It’s giving myself permission for this journey I’m on. Even though I’ve gone ahead with it, there’s still a part of me that feels guilty for not taking the path more travelled by. The path so many others take. I tried it for a long time because I thought I was supposed to, not because I ever really wanted to. This tattoo is about following my heart and being whoever it is I want to be in any given moment.
We’re all free to be.
It’s also about reminding myself that if this is a principle I’m living by, it applies to everyone else too. Every friend who may or may not see what I see; loved ones who struggle with my alternative lifestyle choices; past, present or potential partners… everyone. We’re all at where we’re at and we’re free to be there as much or as little as we want. Whenever I find a monologue in my brain that’s anything other than cheering somebody on in the choices they’re making, all I have to do is look down at my arm and remember, “Oh right… we’re free to be.”
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Right after I scheduled this post to publish, I came across this TED Talk about modern slavery… obviously I have some opinions there, unfortunately that discussion didn’t quite fit into the flow of this post.
If You’re Stuck, Get Unstuck By Getting Unclear About The How
October 22, 2013 § 1 Comment
“All it takes is faith and trust… and a little bit of pixie dust.”
– Peter Pan
I had a thought as I was falling asleep last night. So much has been falling into place for me lately–and falling with little effort. My plans to travel are very quickly taking shape… as are the means to support me financially as I globe trot. As I lay entranced in that place between consciousness and unconsciousness, I wondered what specifically had changed inside of me to bring me into my life flow. As I pondered, a little voice spoke up and said, “You’ve surrendered to what you want… rather than what you think you should have.”
Once upon a time I was trying to make my way through life in the image of what others had told me was what life “should” look like. Go to school, get a good job, work my way up, buy a house, get married, have babies, go on a few trips, renovate the house, make my yard pretty, visit a cabin on the lake and work my way to retirement.
All I can say is thank GOD for the internet… for people with ideas of how life doesn’t need to be the one our parents lead, it doesn’t need to resemble what we’re shown in today’s media or the lifestyle our friends are choosing to lead. There are so many different examples out there of people who are living the life they’ve always wanted that it’s become impossible for me to think of my dreams as only dreams–they are tangible visions that I can turn into my reality.
This voyage that I’m embarking on has been the thing I’ve wanted to do for more than a decade. All of my efforts have been geared towards giving me the freedom to go. Even when I wasn’t consciously focused on creating the opportunity to travel, it seemed as though some part of me held on to that dream, dug in and gripped so hard I carried it with me through the years.
Even just a few months ago, it still seemed so far away… it was a dream I wasn’t sure I’d get to realize. That is, until I committed to it… I just didn’t know how I was going to make it happen. The secret is in the commitment. Get yourself to that point where there’s no way in hell you’re turning back… and surrender.
To me commitment looked like giving notice at my job and at the apartment I was renting as well as letting everyone I knew… I mean everyone… that I was headed off around the world and I didn’t really know what else the picture entailed… but short of illegal activities, I was open to any and all possibilities.
The minute I surrendered the mechanics and gave up any notion of strategizing and planning before I began taking action… the minute I opened myself up to possibilities I couldn’t even fathom, guess what showed up? The means and the opportunities to take me forward.
Writing, online marketing, social media and web design contracts, volunteer organizations, websites with workplace opportunities, people to travel with, people to stay with, offers for reduced airfare and other contra opportunities, travel guides in different countries, joining friends for weddings around the globe… and I haven’t even boarded a plane yet.
If you’re stuck, get clear about the dream, but get unclear about the how. Like a magic eye, when things get out of focus, sometimes you can see the underlying message more clearly. Open your heart, step into the thing or the way of life you’ve always dreamt of, take care of anything you’ve put in your way to hold you back (pay off, sell or rent your home… have that conversation with your spouse… decide to take your kids out of school and go sailing for a year) and soak it all in!
You can’t know what’s waiting for you until you open the door, step outside and take flight!
Focusing On Your Foundations
September 17, 2013 § Leave a comment
“Tough times don’t last. Tough people do.”
That’s a lyric from Tough People Do, performed by singer Brett Kissel during the first of two August fundraising concerts to raise money for flood-stricken Southern Alberta.
His words really have resonated with me ever since. Thousands of people in our province were devastated by Mother Nature, including four deaths.
I have been reminded several times over the last few weeks that even though my wife and I have had personal and family setbacks this year, encouraging things have also occurred. Needless to say, the above noted tragedy had its own way of underlining that other people can always be worse off.
First, blogmate Wendy wrote me about advancements she’s been exploring in digital publishing. This was great news since we’ve been discussing for a few months how to turn this blog into the intended motivational/inspirational book. We started writing together in fall 2009 with the goal of building content for this publication, but have yet to determine a format or platform for taking our writings into a broader realm.
That really pumped me up because although I have had ideas to write about in the last few months, I have lacked the drive to put pen to paper, so to speak.
The very next day, a teacher friend contacted me to advise that she had read the most recent draft of my story about Jasper, our dog. I am turning a short story I authored for a writing competition three years ago into a book. My friend adored the story and would love to have Jasper and I visit her classroom to read the story and encourage students to write.
That is very cool on a couple of levels. It means I will have a target group to test out what ages the book should be directed to. I also enjoy any opportunity to work directly with the education system, whether that’s doing school tours of City Hall or my former work as a school board communicator in Sault Ste. Marie, Ont.
Again, that energized me because I have only puttered with the story since I first penned it in spring 2010. I have mulled over whether to lengthen it, if I should turn it into a series of vignettes or simplify the script for younger audiences. Getting a meaningful endorsement was a big boost to get my dream of getting Jasper published.
Within days, I had an inspired lunch with a close friend and colleague who provided some timely calm and perspective on some dilemmas.
Our recent vacation to the West Coast and Vancouver Island provided some much-needed relaxation and a break from work and volunteer activities. It was an opportunity for Joyce and I to enjoy some couple time and to discuss future plans away from the hectic day-to-day lives we live.
It also allowed time to reconnect with some family and friends some of whom are as close as family. These connections are the most important of foundations.
One of these people, is someone I admire greatly for her toughness and perseverance.
While in Richmond, we celebrated the retirement of Fran Hunter, who operated a family day home for 35 years, many of which were as a single parent of two daughters.
I first met Fran as a college student. I was a boarder in her home for three years as I attained my diploma in journalism and certificate in communications at Kwantlen College.
She was much like a sister to me and we’ve remained close friends since.
Small in stature, Fran battled through numerous odds to complete a respected career and has earned the next, unwritten chapter in her life.
Speaking of enduring hardship, I end with another quote that Fran might have found helpful. It certainly hit home with me.
“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” ~ novelist C.S. Lewis
I Love You.
June 17, 2013 § 1 Comment
Today, I looked myself in the mirror and I wouldn’t budge until I was able to say something to myself that I’ve been longing to hear.
At first, the words wouldn’t come. Blue eyes were staring back at me expectantly. A lump formed in my throat. My bottom lip began to tremble. My eyes welled with tears. I wanted to look away, but I didn’t. This was too important. The blue eyes still looking at me, also red and brimming with tears. So long as I was there, they weren’t going anywhere. Try again.
“I…” I faltered and broke down once more. But with renewed courage I tried again.
“I love you.” I stumbled on the words at the end, but at least this time it was out!
I did it again. And again. And again. Until the words were loud and clear and resounding from a place inside of me I do my best to ignore. If I could’ve hugged the figure in the mirror, what an embrace it would have been. As it was, we stared back at one another, each with a grateful smile curling on our lips. I picked up a hand towel and dried her tears.
“I love you. I see you.” She smiled back. We’ve made contact.
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“If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anybody else.”
– Jennifer Lopez
People around me are falling in love. And I’m paying attention. A colleague recently shared a scrapbook she made for her partner – full of words of love, affection and celebration. I flipped each page, looking at the photos, the mementos, the laughing eyes and faces brimmed with happiness.
“This is beautiful!” I said as I handed the scrapbook back to her.
Inside I thought, “Is this what people in love look like?” I’ve known this girl for a long time. I’ve never seen her eyes dance like this before. I think it must be.
My best friend and I have joined forces with another of our friends to complete a book study of Calling In The One by Katherine Woodward Thomas. 7 weeks of exercises and contemplation. At the centre of just about every exercise… you (me). The book is about learning to love yourself, because as J Lo pointed out, true love isn’t possible until we first love ourselves.
I met a man once in the midst of a messy marriage. As I listened to his story, all I could feel were the pain behind his words. A woman he shouldn’t have married, a house that wasn’t creating a space of love for either of them or their children. As we talked, I found myself relating to his pain. Not his situation, but the feeling behind the situation. As he told his story, I could see the parts in mine where I could take the initiative to turn all that around. Most of his story was about learning to stand up for himself and step into his light rather than skulking in his shadows.
I’ve done a great deal of work on my self-image and self-esteem, but I went deeper. I got right down next to the me that was still hurting and I watched what made her cower, made her hide, made her afraid to show her beautiful face. Anything I do that makes her feel like less of a person, I stop. Now we manage our eating habits, our spending habits, our relationships and our thoughts with much more awareness and intention. Because when I slip up, she hides.
I slip up when I’m not listening to her. She knows exactly what she wants, what she needs.
Last night as I lay in my bed, it dawned on me that I could give her what she wants.
“I love you, Wendy,” I whispered into the darkness.
This morning I woke up, all warm and snuggled in my blankets.
“I love you, Wendy.”
And then I had the brilliant idea that I should look myself in the eyes while I said it.
I trudged upstairs, hair a mess, bits of eyeliner still lining my eyes from what I didn’t wash off the night before. I looked myself in the mirror and I wouldn’t budge until I was able to say something to myself that I’ve been longing to hear.
Eyes brimming with tears, lips trembling, it took a few tries, but I did it.
“I love you, Wendy.”
Contact.
Everything Happens For A Reason?
May 13, 2013 § 4 Comments
Scanning my timeline on Twitter, recently, I saw my friend Stephanie in Vancouver had made a rather profound statement related to things happening in her life.
I remarked that her description of what had occurred shows that everything happens for a reason. More on Stephanie below.
Even this blog results from me meeting Wendy four years ago this month at a Website Strategy Conference in Calgary. We kept in contact and began discussing how to create an inspirational/motivational book and, voila, The Muse and Views.
It all started with a question about Twitter!
Often in the moment, especially if we’re in strife, we search for reasons of why life is unfolding as it is.
Sometimes it’s immediately obvious. On other occasions, it takes a while. Sometimes we may never know the reason. It may not be a good reason.
My career is a continuum of successive opportunities from weekly reporter to my current position as Manager of Marketing and Communications with the City of Grande Prairie.
It was a chance thing I even learned about this position being available back in the fall of 2006. I did occasionally check out the Daily Herald-Tribune online from Sault Ste. Marie to check back on the community I’d lived in for 3.5 years back in the 1980s.
But I was meant to have a second stint in Grande Prairie.
During one of my interviews for the position, I was asked why I would want to return to Alberta. I responded, “You can take the boy out of the west, but you can’t take the west out of the boy.”
Now I wasn’t yearning to return to my western roots. In fact, big changes weren’t on my radar at all. I had just been in a school board communications job full time 1.5 years, a position I had always imagined myself in.
However, I am always ready for change and opportunities. I know now that I was meant to grow in my management capabilities on a bigger stage.
Later this year, it will be 30 years since I met my wife-to-be by interviewing her for a newspaper feature. Clearly my going through the Town Directory in St. Paul and deciding to do a feature on the daycare administrator was designed to connect me to Joyce.
The statement about everything happening for a reason resonated with Stephanie: “Maybe that is why that person I was good friends with 10 years ago has all of a sudden entered my life again,” she says.
Stephanie has reflected on her own circumstances and relationships and has found herself making sense of things by putting them in perspective.
“I’m making the best of each and every day because we aren’t in godly positions to control what comes next. Letting go is the key to happiness.”
Stephanie remarked that we don’t have all the answers, especially when it comes to relationships.
That is true. There is the saying that people come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime and once you figure out which it is you will know what to do.
Another friend, Mandy, who lives in Quebec, found that an unsuccessful marriage has actually paved the way for the person she realizes she was meant to be.
“I wouldn’t have had the kind of work opportunities I have now. I likely would not have done much out in the community such as volunteering and serving on committees.”
Mandy recalls an incident in her childhood that has her convinced there is reason behind actions.
When she was five, her family was travelling through New York State. After hitting an icy patch, their van slid off the road and toppled over. The portion of the roof over which her infant brother had been located in his car seat was severely dented in. Luckily, her mother had removed the child to nurse him and he emerged unscathed.
All of these circumstances, either personally or stories of others make sense to me. Where I struggle with this concept of things happening for a reason, is when I cannot fathom why something has happened when everything seems so right.
A friend recently lost a child at birth. There was no sign the baby was not healthy, the umbilical cord simply strangled the baby.
I always ask myself why things like this happen to people who so richly deserve to have more children when there are so many kids born into families of abuse, poverty or to teenaged parents who can sometimes seem to get pregnant through a snow suit.
Where is the justice? My friend was so looking forward to this second child. She and her husband deserve to have as many children as they want.
Will we get the answers later on? Could the baby have had some undetected serious disease? Will it make this couple focus more on their one child? Will it make them appreciate what they have to a greater degree?
And then there were the recent bombings at the Boston Marathon. What is the reason for two brothers to carry out such heinous acts?
Their actions apparently are not linked to any higher level world issues. We do know that the spirits of Boston residents were galvanized during this ordeal. There was tragedy but also heroes. Lives were forever changed.
I attended a riveting keynote address by Amanda Lindhout, a former Canadian journalist, while at an International Association for Public Participation conference earlier this month. She told her story of being kidnapped in Somalia, tortured and released 15 months later.
Her message is one of forgiveness and she plans to find ways of improving conditions in that country.
In the bigger scheme of things, why did Amanda have to endure all of that to want to make a difference in the world?
It’s good if we can find relationships between events to make life make more sense, but we can be left scratching our heads until we have no hair if we get too wrapped up in wondering reasons behind things.
Often, we are looking for good reasons for events when there are more complex issues at stake.
The best we can do is be adaptable to situations and be ready for what life throws at us. Whatever that is may not make sense at the time, but chances are, it will in time.
It’s also a reminder to take charge of as much as we can in our lives.
The late Peter Drucker, a renowned management consultant, educator and author Peter once said, “The best way to predict the future is to create it.”
The Mentor in Me
April 12, 2013 § 1 Comment
“A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you, than you see in yourself, and helps bring it out of you.” ~ Bob Proctor, Author, Speaker and Success Coach
It recently occurred that the first two letters in the word mentor are ME. I was musing on that after a colleague told me she sees me as a mentor and thanked me or my support.
When Angie Saltman, who operates Saltmedia, a web development company in Grande Prairie, mentioned this, I hadn’t realized I’d had an impact through our discussions about business.
But that’s the way it is with mentoring. You can be teaching without necessarily realizing it. It was particularly noteworthy because Angie is someone out in the community as there was no thought of providing anything more than casual advice.
“When we first met, I was taken with how confident you are and I realized I needed to work on that part of me,” Angie told me. Saltmedia has been in operation for three years. “I appreciated how you’ve taken time to share your career and business experience.”
That’s why I love the Bob Procter quote. It’s truly a thrill to recognize someone will thrive at an undertaking even with limited experience and confidence, and then watching them flourish.
Now I’ve won awards for my work and led a fruitful career. I’ve supervised numerous people, including employees with my own communications business. I certainly know I’ve made a difference to several people’s futures if by no other measure than the number of references I’ve provided. I know, of course, it has gone way beyond that and for someone to outright tell me how I’ve helped them is touching.
Although I’m not about to slow down, this feedback has happened enough lately from younger co-workers and associates that I feel at the pinnacle of my career.
Having colleagues recognize my role in shaping their careers is acknowledgement that I’ve invested time and energy as they find their way in the world. I think of it as my own way of giving back to a life that’s been rewarding to me.
What I have learned and pass on to others becomes the foresight of those with less experience. The true joy comes when mentees challenge and question what I have said and offer their own ideas. Even more thrilling are the times when I know I am learning from my younger colleagues.
A mentorship doesn’t have to involve someone in the same community or even direct involvement in their day-today work. I met Mary Leong, a student at UBC, three years ago while she was working in Grande Prairie. She’d been assigned to visit me to at City Hall to discuss a partnership with the agency employing her during the summer.
We’ve kept in touch over the last couple of years and I always enjoy hearing Mary’s latest news. She’s one of those people who you know will go as far as their ambition takes them. I look forward to saying, “I knew Mary Leong when …”
She wanted to contribute to what I had to say on this topic since she felt I’d influenced her career direction.
“To me, David is a long-distance mentor who checks in every once in a while to deliver news and information on the new initiatives he’s working on, but also to provide encouragement and support in a sometimes very rocky field.”
She recalls travelling to Grande Prairie to pursue a career path which she soon realized was ill-suited to her personality and interests. At the same time, she was discovering an interest in new media and communications.
“Our initial conversation was brief, but the topic of communications in a changing media landscape was brought up. I was surprised when David followed up with information about how the city was using new media and technology to connect with its citizens, which I found fascinating. That, for me, was the turning point as I realized that someone was taking an interest in my career development and providing information that could support my journey.
“These discussions provided a holistic view of the day-to-day tasks in a communications job, and spurred me to seek out opportunities to grow in the field.”
Mary is completing her Political Science and Psychology degree at UBC, and will be working for a year before starting the Politics and Communication Master’s program at the London School of Economics in September 2014.
Her goal is to work in the field of media and communications for a non-profit she’s passionate about to help enact policy change.
Mary’s own passion is to be a mentor to young minority girls to ensure they have the tools to succeed at whatever they set out to do, whether as a CEO, a politician or an entrepreneur.
Knowing Mary, those young ladies will be fortunate to have that leadership.
I thought this quote would be a most appropriate way to end this post:
“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter. Going to bed knowing we have done something wonderful is what matters to me.” ~ Steve Jobs
The Muse and Views 