Letters to Lost Love Ones – Part 2
January 28, 2023 § Leave a comment
In September, David wrote a letter in this space to his late wife, Joyce, to begin a series he and Wendy are producing on dealing with loss. That piece marked the six-month mark of her passing. Today, it’s 34 years since David’s father, Bob Olinger Sr. died, so he’s sending his thoughts to his Dad.
We’ll continue the series in the coming weeks. Admittedly, it’s been tough to share personal feelings for loved ones broadly. We hope our letters help others contemplate their losses and find strength. We will also be featuring inclusions from other friends.
Dear Dad,
It’s been quite some time since I’ve written formally to you, though I do think of you often.
As time goes on, I remain very aware of how you helped to shape my life and I know that you continue to influence me from above.
Though I mark your passing every year on this day, it seems even more meaningful today with Joyce’s short illness and death last March. It was a stark reminder of just how precious life is. Unlike with you, I did get to tell her how much I loved her. You were gone instantly and I was three provinces away.
Every time I hear The Living Years by Mike + The Mechanics (https://bit.ly/3HEOA0I), I think of you and the unsaid words I’d love to have imparted on you.
The night you left us all too suddenly, you’d just attended your first NHL game with Bob Olinger Jr., a match between the Calgary Flames and Chicago Blackhawks. Sadly, you never got to see your beloved Montreal Canadiens in person and I have a few times. Alas, our Habs are not doing well again this season and have only won the Cup once since your passing. Maybe next year!
I naturally adopted several aspects of how you lived such as looking out for others. One of the things I learned from observation is to try to balance life, though I know I could have well beyond what I did. You were pretty focused on your job and never found ways to explore pastimes you’d probably have really enjoyed.
I’ve attended many sporting events and concerts and travelled across our country extensively to get more out of life. That I know there was much more to do underlines the importance of not putting off dreams.
The hope is, as each generation passes, we discover ways to emulate the best of those who’ve come before us and see how we can enjoy our time on earth even more.
Joyce and I had hopes of international travel in the coming years. COVID and her illness cut all that short. Ironically, son Peter and his partner, Mara, are in New Zealand as I write. That was a country on our bucket list.
I’ve noticed many more ironies lately. Peter’s been accepted into Vancouver Island University to pursue a teaching degree this fall. You always wanted me to be a teacher. Though I never followed that career path, I did mentor many people in my career, worked within a school system and volunteered for an adult education agency.
I’ve also relocated to Kelowna to be closer to Peter and enjoy a different lifestyle with warmer weather. You didn’t get the opportunity to retire to the place you’d purchased in nearby Westbank. I have connected with some of your brother John’s family to re-establish some missing family linkages.
Dad, I’m pleased I picked up on many of your traits and found ways to live life much more fully. Just as I wonder what Joyce would do in certain situations, I will continue to seek your guidance from the heavens. Please give her a hug for me.
Missing you today and always.
Love, David
Letters To Lost Loved Ones
September 8, 2022 § 4 Comments
Back in May, David wrote in this space that our next blog would focus on loss. Today marks six months since David’s wife, Joyce, passed away. Wendy is very familiar with the subject matter. In 2004, she lost four close family members in the span of nine months, including her older brother, Wayne.
We decided to devote this space in the coming weeks to sharing our feelings about loss through letters to our departed loved ones. We’ve invited other friends who want to remember special people to do so in this manner.
Readers are welcome to add their comments to these blogs if they have feelings that resonate with our words.
David begins …
Dearest Joyce,
They say that time flies when you’re having fun. The last half year has, indeed, flown by. It’s also been the worst time of my life. The only relevant word beginning with fu that comes to mind is one commonly associated with an upraised middle finger to cancer.
It still hasn’t sunk in fully. Some days feel somewhat normal as I pretend you’re just away getting more treatment in Edmonton and will return any days. Others are numbing and I feel nearly paralyzed navigating life on my own.
Your condition deteriorated so fast on that saddest of days in March that I didn’t get a chance to say everything that I’d like to have fit in.
I was fortunate to affirm often in your last few months how much I love you. You knew that I always considered you my best friend and the woman I was happy to call my wife for more than 35 years. You were my only true love ever.
Others are not so fortunate. They lose their wife, husband, mother, father, son, daughter, brother, sister or someone else they’re very attached to suddenly and there’s no chance to share feelings like I was able to.
So this isn’t like the verse in Joni Mitchell’s song Big Yellow Taxi … I did know what I had before it was gone (you had to know I’d draw in a music reference when I write to you).
Instead, there was more that I could and should have said.
You did know how proud I was that you’d become an accomplished potter and instructor. I told you early on when you took up the craft that you’d be able to sell your work. Sure enough, you went well beyond that. I was so delighted to promote your sales.
I was not only honoured to have you as a spouse but you were clearly the go-to for Peter as he grew into manhood. I always deferred to you in parenting matters. You were the heartbeat of our family.
There were other times, however, you perhaps didn’t know how much I appreciated you – that you were always there for me, my protector when I needed it the most. You let me be me and I did the same with you. But it wasn’t always like me to let you know what was troubling me.
It would’ve been easier for me to just tell you. You knew when something was wrong. I have to admit I would clumsily try to work through problems, not wanting to bother you.
This is yet another reminder to tell love ones what you feel about them, to leave nothing important unsaid. It often becomes too late.
During the last year, you apologized repeatedly for the impact your disease was having in our home. I only wish I could have shared your pain as you bravely carried on as a once hopeful prognosis turned into notice that your time would be cut short.
That you continued to work until your final days remains inspiring but you were determined not to be defined by your diagnosis.
Though I was surprised by nothing that was said about you at your Celebration of Life, it was heartening to hear tributes from the many lives you touched, whether family, friends, colleagues, clients, or peers in the arts community.
Facebook memories over the last few months have provided both plenty of triggers and moments to reminisce – wedding anniversaries, our birthdays and other annual celebrations, summer vacations, and photos of locations we’d considered as possibilities for our next home.
You’ll be happy to know that I’ve figured out our online banking and bill payments, things you flourished in managing. The next road trip will be difficult without you and your adeptness for navigating and holiday planning. Your adeptness with technology is greatly missed.
It’s bittersweet that I’m carrying forward with our relocation plans.
A favourite photo of you is prominently displayed on our upstairs entertainment unit. I gaze at it often. As I contemplate life and what to do next, I frame my thoughts in terms of WWJD … What Would Joyce Do. I welcome any guidance you can provide from the heavens.
I miss you and will always love you. You will forever be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Love, David
What Is Your Vibe?
November 12, 2019 § 2 Comments
A fe
w months ago, Larry Arrance, an employment workshop facilitator colleague in Kelowna, B.C., put out this question on LinkedIn: “If you’re not spreading hope, what are you spreading?”
I’ve been pondering that question a lot since then and now is a great time to explore the subject. Co-author Wendy Peters and I have reached the 10-year anniversary of The Muse and Views, created to build content for an inspirational book(s). Larry’s query fits perfectly into our theme.
I asked Larry recently to spell out what his take was on the question. He responded, “For myself, I’ve found hope to be a powerful catalyst to get people to be open to positive changes. A hopeless situation or attitude causes people to take no action because it’s hopeless – so why bother?”
Hope on its own is an empty word unless there is action behind it. If I say, I hope to on holidays next July, there is no chance of that happening without planning a trip, booking accommodations and travel arrangements and setting the time and taking other necessary steps to leave home.
What Larry is talking about is a belief that positive things can and will happen through our own actions and attitudes – and further, that we will exude confidence to others.
As we head into 2020, it’s easy to feel less positive – there is economic, social and political upheaval in our country and around the globe.
However, the late great radio broadcaster Paul Harvey once reminded us, “In times like these it helps to recall there have always been times like these.”
As a communications consultant 20 years ago at this time, I was preparing content for a client in preparation of a potential Y2K catastrophe.
Guess what? Those communications materials weren’t needed. We moved smoothly into the Year 2000 without a global online crisis.
Are we going to get every job we apply for? No. Sometimes that’s a good thing. Do we get every house we put an offer on? No. We are disappointed but then find another and make a home out of it with the friends and family we choose to enjoy it with. Do unforeseen circumstances, good and bad, occur? Of course. How we react either way is what matters.
I appreciate the spirit of a quote by author Louisa May Alcott when she remarked, “Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them.”
As this author of Little Women alluded to, not everything is going to go our way, whether on the home front or in the workforce. However, how we answer Larry’s question has implications in our personal and professional lives.
Negativity hangs over us like the smoke those of us in Western Canada are all too familiar with from wildfires. It sucks the life out of you and you feel uninspired.
There is a much greater probability of finding success and opportunities if we have a positive outlook and encourage others. If we’re negative and spreading discontent to those around us, the people who come into our lives will tend to be miserable and down on life, too.
Friend Lynsey Dalen has a phrase to describe this: “Your vibe attracts your tribe.”
Lynsey is an inspiring, driven woman who I’ve watched with admiration advance from radio advertising sales to associate advisor at Neil & Associates.
Earlier this year, she also launched Elle Bell Sales Co. which provides online sales training designed specifically for women. In addition to being a wife and mother of two girls, Lynsey is the women’s clothing buyer for S3 Boardshop.
Lynsey responded with tribe line after I posted a meme on Facebook that I told her reminded me of her actions and style. It cited Five Types Of People To Surround Yourself With: The Inspired, The Motivated, The Open Minded, the Passionate, The Grateful.
Indeed, part of your success in spreading hope is having other people to hand your torch to – like-minded people.
I asked Lynsey to share her thoughts on Larry’s question and the Vibe attracting Tribe statement. Here’s what she says:
“I’ve always been a believer in the law of attraction and that you get back what you put into the universe.
Our energy and our mindset matter because we have the ability to control those things. We can’t control what happens to us, but we can always control how we respond to those things. I 100% believe that happiness is a choice and it has to be a conscious one or else it’s too easy to get caught up in what’s happening around us and to soak up the negative energy of others. It’s not always easy to choose happiness but the result is always worth the effort.
That being said, I try to be conscious of the energy I’m putting out to the people in my life. If I were a negative, pessimistic and discouraging person, those are the type of people I would have in my life because they would feed off that energy. However, I CHOOSE to be a positive, optimistic and encouraging person and so those are the people I have attracted into my circle. Your vibe absolutely attracts your tribe and we are all the product of the people we spend the most time with so I think it’s important to choose wisely. Time is a limited resource and I have zero interest in wasting it!”
I thank Lynsey for sharing her powerful words. There is always hope. Will you join friends like Lynsey, Larry and I to help spread it? Together, we can make a difference.
The Muse and Views 