Letters to Lost Love Ones – Part 2
January 28, 2023 § Leave a comment
In September, David wrote a letter in this space to his late wife, Joyce, to begin a series he and Wendy are producing on dealing with loss. That piece marked the six-month mark of her passing. Today, it’s 34 years since David’s father, Bob Olinger Sr. died, so he’s sending his thoughts to his Dad.
We’ll continue the series in the coming weeks. Admittedly, it’s been tough to share personal feelings for loved ones broadly. We hope our letters help others contemplate their losses and find strength. We will also be featuring inclusions from other friends.
Dear Dad,
It’s been quite some time since I’ve written formally to you, though I do think of you often.
As time goes on, I remain very aware of how you helped to shape my life and I know that you continue to influence me from above.
Though I mark your passing every year on this day, it seems even more meaningful today with Joyce’s short illness and death last March. It was a stark reminder of just how precious life is. Unlike with you, I did get to tell her how much I loved her. You were gone instantly and I was three provinces away.
Every time I hear The Living Years by Mike + The Mechanics (https://bit.ly/3HEOA0I), I think of you and the unsaid words I’d love to have imparted on you.
The night you left us all too suddenly, you’d just attended your first NHL game with Bob Olinger Jr., a match between the Calgary Flames and Chicago Blackhawks. Sadly, you never got to see your beloved Montreal Canadiens in person and I have a few times. Alas, our Habs are not doing well again this season and have only won the Cup once since your passing. Maybe next year!
I naturally adopted several aspects of how you lived such as looking out for others. One of the things I learned from observation is to try to balance life, though I know I could have well beyond what I did. You were pretty focused on your job and never found ways to explore pastimes you’d probably have really enjoyed.
I’ve attended many sporting events and concerts and travelled across our country extensively to get more out of life. That I know there was much more to do underlines the importance of not putting off dreams.
The hope is, as each generation passes, we discover ways to emulate the best of those who’ve come before us and see how we can enjoy our time on earth even more.
Joyce and I had hopes of international travel in the coming years. COVID and her illness cut all that short. Ironically, son Peter and his partner, Mara, are in New Zealand as I write. That was a country on our bucket list.
I’ve noticed many more ironies lately. Peter’s been accepted into Vancouver Island University to pursue a teaching degree this fall. You always wanted me to be a teacher. Though I never followed that career path, I did mentor many people in my career, worked within a school system and volunteered for an adult education agency.
I’ve also relocated to Kelowna to be closer to Peter and enjoy a different lifestyle with warmer weather. You didn’t get the opportunity to retire to the place you’d purchased in nearby Westbank. I have connected with some of your brother John’s family to re-establish some missing family linkages.
Dad, I’m pleased I picked up on many of your traits and found ways to live life much more fully. Just as I wonder what Joyce would do in certain situations, I will continue to seek your guidance from the heavens. Please give her a hug for me.
Missing you today and always.
Love, David
Letters To Lost Loved Ones
September 8, 2022 § 4 Comments
Back in May, David wrote in this space that our next blog would focus on loss. Today marks six months since David’s wife, Joyce, passed away. Wendy is very familiar with the subject matter. In 2004, she lost four close family members in the span of nine months, including her older brother, Wayne.
We decided to devote this space in the coming weeks to sharing our feelings about loss through letters to our departed loved ones. We’ve invited other friends who want to remember special people to do so in this manner.
Readers are welcome to add their comments to these blogs if they have feelings that resonate with our words.
David begins …
Dearest Joyce,
They say that time flies when you’re having fun. The last half year has, indeed, flown by. It’s also been the worst time of my life. The only relevant word beginning with fu that comes to mind is one commonly associated with an upraised middle finger to cancer.
It still hasn’t sunk in fully. Some days feel somewhat normal as I pretend you’re just away getting more treatment in Edmonton and will return any days. Others are numbing and I feel nearly paralyzed navigating life on my own.
Your condition deteriorated so fast on that saddest of days in March that I didn’t get a chance to say everything that I’d like to have fit in.
I was fortunate to affirm often in your last few months how much I love you. You knew that I always considered you my best friend and the woman I was happy to call my wife for more than 35 years. You were my only true love ever.
Others are not so fortunate. They lose their wife, husband, mother, father, son, daughter, brother, sister or someone else they’re very attached to suddenly and there’s no chance to share feelings like I was able to.
So this isn’t like the verse in Joni Mitchell’s song Big Yellow Taxi … I did know what I had before it was gone (you had to know I’d draw in a music reference when I write to you).
Instead, there was more that I could and should have said.
You did know how proud I was that you’d become an accomplished potter and instructor. I told you early on when you took up the craft that you’d be able to sell your work. Sure enough, you went well beyond that. I was so delighted to promote your sales.
I was not only honoured to have you as a spouse but you were clearly the go-to for Peter as he grew into manhood. I always deferred to you in parenting matters. You were the heartbeat of our family.
There were other times, however, you perhaps didn’t know how much I appreciated you – that you were always there for me, my protector when I needed it the most. You let me be me and I did the same with you. But it wasn’t always like me to let you know what was troubling me.
It would’ve been easier for me to just tell you. You knew when something was wrong. I have to admit I would clumsily try to work through problems, not wanting to bother you.
This is yet another reminder to tell love ones what you feel about them, to leave nothing important unsaid. It often becomes too late.
During the last year, you apologized repeatedly for the impact your disease was having in our home. I only wish I could have shared your pain as you bravely carried on as a once hopeful prognosis turned into notice that your time would be cut short.
That you continued to work until your final days remains inspiring but you were determined not to be defined by your diagnosis.
Though I was surprised by nothing that was said about you at your Celebration of Life, it was heartening to hear tributes from the many lives you touched, whether family, friends, colleagues, clients, or peers in the arts community.
Facebook memories over the last few months have provided both plenty of triggers and moments to reminisce – wedding anniversaries, our birthdays and other annual celebrations, summer vacations, and photos of locations we’d considered as possibilities for our next home.
You’ll be happy to know that I’ve figured out our online banking and bill payments, things you flourished in managing. The next road trip will be difficult without you and your adeptness for navigating and holiday planning. Your adeptness with technology is greatly missed.
It’s bittersweet that I’m carrying forward with our relocation plans.
A favourite photo of you is prominently displayed on our upstairs entertainment unit. I gaze at it often. As I contemplate life and what to do next, I frame my thoughts in terms of WWJD … What Would Joyce Do. I welcome any guidance you can provide from the heavens.
I miss you and will always love you. You will forever be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Love, David
On The Quest For Purpose
March 8, 2021 § 2 Comments
We’ve been writing in this space for nearly 11 years to develop content for an inspirational/motivational book(s) and that remains our focus. There haven’t been many posts in the last couple of years. That’s not because we’ve run out of topics. Far from it.
We’ve both found ourselves wrapped up in life but it’s also a sign there’s ample material to do more than one book, an online publication – or both.
As a way of getting back on track for 2021 and moving towards our goal, we’ve decided to compose our first blog together. We’ve written many complementary pieces and commented on each other’s posts, but we’ve never actually co-authored a blog.
In this post, we’ll discuss knowing your purpose. In the past, we’ve touched on purpose in a couple of different ways, including the concept of living with purpose.
What made you want to write a blog about finding your purpose?
D: It was the quote below that caught my eye and prompted me to suggest to Wendy we write about purpose together. It really resonated with me, partly because it contains my first name but mostly it reflects how I see myself living.
“Work for a cause David, not for applause.
Remember to live your life to express, not to impress, don’t strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt.”
― Grace Lichtenstein, Inside Real Estate: The Complete Guide to Buying and Selling Your Home, Co-Op, or Condominium
It’s not clear who the David is that’s being referenced, but it had me reflecting, once again, on what my role is in life.
W: For me, I’m at a stage in my life where I feel like I’m redefining my purpose. Back in 2014, I departed on the journey of a lifetime. I took a two-year sabbatical and travelled across 18 countries. It was something on my bucket list for much later in life, but a very big goal that I had geared most of my efforts towards preparing for. Having the opportunity to accomplish it 30 years before I intended, coupled with the experiences I had and people I met along the way, left me with some pretty big questions to answer when I got home. Amongst them being, “Why am I here? What is my purpose?”
Purpose is a big topic and takes on varying meanings for different people. What does it mean to you?
D: For me, purpose is having an influence on other people and events to improve situations, better lives. Coming to terms with that has helped me to understand relationships and why things happen in the way they do. It doesn’t always make negative outcomes easier but it can help you move forward, guide you on what to do next and help you determine what you should do to meet goals.
W: I think there are two sides to the meaning of purpose, or rather a more physical purpose versus one’s sense of purpose. You can do something on purpose, meaning intentional, and you can do something with purpose, meaning on point and aligned with your values, aspirations and overall direction in life.
How do you know when you’re on your purpose? What do you do if you feel like you’ve wandered or fallen away from it?
D: I’ve come to realize that I’m a mentor, someone who encourages others to do their best, to consider all the possibilities and to make the most of opportunities, whether it’s as a parent, a husband, a supervisor, a colleague or as a volunteer leader. I’m meant to be a supporter on the home front, in business and in the community – getting behind important causes and lending my skills where they best fit.
On a professional level, that means being a storyteller, whether it’s doing a feature story on an individual or helping an organization shine.
I’m here to be a positive spirit, motivating others to look at the brighter side of life, to connect people and build community.
Ultimately, my purpose is to leave the world in a better place than I found it.
It’s been increasingly easy to identify my purpose by recognizing when I’m not living it –those times when I get drawn into toxicity in online discussions or conversations with people who know they can set me off in person – and do if I’m not careful.
W: I have some very physical/emotional responses I look for to help guide me to ensuring I’m on purpose, especially right now while I’m still defining and refining my direction, the impact I want to make and what I want my life to mean. When I relax more, when something or someone makes me smile instantaneously, when my eyes light up at a suggestion – these are all the tell-tale signs I use to show me I’m on point. I guess you could boil it down to following my bliss. Being on purpose means doing the things and spending time with the people who make me feel the best.
When I’ve wandered off from or fallen away from my purpose, I can feel the discord. I feel tense, uncertain, untrusting, and lost.
How do you find your purpose if you’ve lost it? What advice would you give others seeking their purpose?
D: When I recognize I’m off purpose, I remind myself I’m of more value when I’m aligned with like-minded people, working toward a common goal or finding a new volunteer opportunity. My advice is to take a step back when you feel off and re-evaluate. Even small things like taking my dog for a walk in the middle of the day clears my mind and I’m refocused on what’s important.
W: When I’m feeling off my purpose, I feel awful. That’s when a self-care day often comes into play where I can take some time to step back and breath, pinpoint what’s going wrong. I don’t try and make a plan to change it though. I’ve learned that once I pinpoint the source of what’s pulling me off purpose, I look back for the things and people that make me feel on purpose.
Like David, reminding myself of my value and what characteristics help me align with other like-minded people is especially helpful. If I’m too overwhelmed or distraught by something to get there, I quite literally start with a nap followed by 10-15 minutes of meditation and then some journaling to help me process whatever is going on in my head and give me some much needed perspective to get back on track.
You get more of what you focus on, right?
Can you have more than one purpose? Or does your purpose change? How do you support that?
D: I’ve reflected on my own purpose as life has changed, from being a husband and father to job changes, individual and team successes, accolades and awards, operating a communications firm, volunteering, and living life, in general.
In more recent years, I’ve had a renewed sense of accomplishing my purpose. When I relaunched my communications consultancy in 2018, some of my initial employees in the late 1990s and early 2000s passed along congratulations and reminded me I’d hired them for their first jobs. They shared their gratitude for giving them a chance.
There’s been great joy in imparting career and life advice to our son and encouraging my wife to pursue greater heights in her pottery hobby.
W: I do think it’s possible to have more than one purpose, but I think they’ll have varying degrees of importance. I think, generally, people have one main purpose (or theme) for what they want their life to be about and then other, more specific purposes come in to play to support that. “Sub-purposes” to play on David’s love of storytelling.
For some people, I think they’ve been blessed with a strong sense of purpose that stays with them their entire lives. For others, I think our purpose changes as we change and grow. I know I resonate more with the latter. My purpose continues to evolve as I deepen my understanding of myself and what I’m capable of.
Supporting an evolving definition of my purpose is literally like trying to make sure the pants I bought 10 years ago still fit… or acknowledging that it’s time for a new pair. It’s, at minimum, having an overall goal or theme for my life and then making my plan of action each day or week to check in to make sure it stills fits. If it doesn’t feel right anymore, I need to determine if I’m off track or if it doesn’t fit and choose my next steps accordingly.
My purpose setting is not like goal setting where it should be quantifiable and measurable. If a person wants to make it that way, that’s up to them. But for me, I feel my way forward where my purpose is concerned and my only requirement is that whatever my decision, it feels good to me. This also requires a good degree of surrender and self-compassion because it’s a continual work in progress and I don’t think it’s one that ever ends.
What are the benefits of having a strong purpose? How about the dangers of not having one?
D: It helps me live with focus and to get back on track when I’ve gotten derailed. Businesses and organizations having values, vision and mission statements by which to live and it’s good to have a compass.
W: Purpose gives me a guiding light to live my life and make decisions by. Much like David, knowing my purpose helps me find the right organizations to work with to ensure I’m doing work I feel good about and identify the kinds of people I want to spend more time with.
I don’t know that everyone feels the same need for a strong sense of purpose. I’m someone who needs to connect into a bigger meaning to find my reason to get out of bed in the morning. Without a strong sense of purpose, I think I run the risk that when I get to the end of my life I’ll look back at it and think, “What a waste.” I want to feel like I have juiced every bit of human experience I can while I’m here.
What about you? If any of the questions above resonate for you to answer, add them to our discussion in the comments below!
What Is Your Vibe?
November 12, 2019 § 2 Comments
A fe
w months ago, Larry Arrance, an employment workshop facilitator colleague in Kelowna, B.C., put out this question on LinkedIn: “If you’re not spreading hope, what are you spreading?”
I’ve been pondering that question a lot since then and now is a great time to explore the subject. Co-author Wendy Peters and I have reached the 10-year anniversary of The Muse and Views, created to build content for an inspirational book(s). Larry’s query fits perfectly into our theme.
I asked Larry recently to spell out what his take was on the question. He responded, “For myself, I’ve found hope to be a powerful catalyst to get people to be open to positive changes. A hopeless situation or attitude causes people to take no action because it’s hopeless – so why bother?”
Hope on its own is an empty word unless there is action behind it. If I say, I hope to on holidays next July, there is no chance of that happening without planning a trip, booking accommodations and travel arrangements and setting the time and taking other necessary steps to leave home.
What Larry is talking about is a belief that positive things can and will happen through our own actions and attitudes – and further, that we will exude confidence to others.
As we head into 2020, it’s easy to feel less positive – there is economic, social and political upheaval in our country and around the globe.
However, the late great radio broadcaster Paul Harvey once reminded us, “In times like these it helps to recall there have always been times like these.”
As a communications consultant 20 years ago at this time, I was preparing content for a client in preparation of a potential Y2K catastrophe.
Guess what? Those communications materials weren’t needed. We moved smoothly into the Year 2000 without a global online crisis.
Are we going to get every job we apply for? No. Sometimes that’s a good thing. Do we get every house we put an offer on? No. We are disappointed but then find another and make a home out of it with the friends and family we choose to enjoy it with. Do unforeseen circumstances, good and bad, occur? Of course. How we react either way is what matters.
I appreciate the spirit of a quote by author Louisa May Alcott when she remarked, “Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them.”
As this author of Little Women alluded to, not everything is going to go our way, whether on the home front or in the workforce. However, how we answer Larry’s question has implications in our personal and professional lives.
Negativity hangs over us like the smoke those of us in Western Canada are all too familiar with from wildfires. It sucks the life out of you and you feel uninspired.
There is a much greater probability of finding success and opportunities if we have a positive outlook and encourage others. If we’re negative and spreading discontent to those around us, the people who come into our lives will tend to be miserable and down on life, too.
Friend Lynsey Dalen has a phrase to describe this: “Your vibe attracts your tribe.”
Lynsey is an inspiring, driven woman who I’ve watched with admiration advance from radio advertising sales to associate advisor at Neil & Associates.
Earlier this year, she also launched Elle Bell Sales Co. which provides online sales training designed specifically for women. In addition to being a wife and mother of two girls, Lynsey is the women’s clothing buyer for S3 Boardshop.
Lynsey responded with tribe line after I posted a meme on Facebook that I told her reminded me of her actions and style. It cited Five Types Of People To Surround Yourself With: The Inspired, The Motivated, The Open Minded, the Passionate, The Grateful.
Indeed, part of your success in spreading hope is having other people to hand your torch to – like-minded people.
I asked Lynsey to share her thoughts on Larry’s question and the Vibe attracting Tribe statement. Here’s what she says:
“I’ve always been a believer in the law of attraction and that you get back what you put into the universe.
Our energy and our mindset matter because we have the ability to control those things. We can’t control what happens to us, but we can always control how we respond to those things. I 100% believe that happiness is a choice and it has to be a conscious one or else it’s too easy to get caught up in what’s happening around us and to soak up the negative energy of others. It’s not always easy to choose happiness but the result is always worth the effort.
That being said, I try to be conscious of the energy I’m putting out to the people in my life. If I were a negative, pessimistic and discouraging person, those are the type of people I would have in my life because they would feed off that energy. However, I CHOOSE to be a positive, optimistic and encouraging person and so those are the people I have attracted into my circle. Your vibe absolutely attracts your tribe and we are all the product of the people we spend the most time with so I think it’s important to choose wisely. Time is a limited resource and I have zero interest in wasting it!”
I thank Lynsey for sharing her powerful words. There is always hope. Will you join friends like Lynsey, Larry and I to help spread it? Together, we can make a difference.
Everything In Its Time
December 4, 2017 § 1 Comment
At the end of October, I authored a blog that had taken months to complete, and even then, the eventual inspiration came from wanting to pay tribute to a former supervisor. While it was a struggle to finish off, I wasn’t frustrated or discouraged. I knew the piece came together the way it should. It had its time and place.
I was immediately re-energized to start work on another blog that had also been in the back of my mind for some time – and this turn of events was most fitting. I wanted to express how there isn’t necessarily a right time for things to happen in life, whether it’s doing something you’re passionate about like writing, checking off a bucket list item, a career achievement, or a life decision, like when to get married.
Perhaps that spark came from highlighting my memories of Bill Scott, former editor of the Grande Prairie Daily Herald-Tribune, who’d passed away earlier in the month.
It may have also been our mutual joy of writing that reminded me not to focus on how many blogs I write but rather on the fulfillment I get as well as the reason Wendy and I started The Muse and Views eight years ago.
Our goal is to build content from our musings and reader comments for a motivational/inspirational book(s). There’s no doubt we have more than enough writing to fill a couple of books – themes have developed on topics ranging from goal setting to meaningful people to our love of music.
Wendy and I need to meet up again soon to sort through all of our work and go from there.
It will happen in its time. The finished product may not be the traditional book we originally contemplated. It may be an online publication and some podcasts or a combination of mediums. There are no limits to the possibilities. The fact we both continue to write in this space, albeit intermittently, will give rise to more food for thought and means that goal remains very much alive.
Ultimately, we need to decide what success looks like.
American businesswoman Anne Sweeney helps to put things in perspective with this quote: “Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.”
Writing a book isn’t the only item on my bucket list (I also continue to tinker with the short story on my late dog Jasper who had a penchant for demonstrating he thought he was human). Among other things is my desire to have a flat tummy.
Though that goal is health related, it’s another thing where I have taken steps in the right direction, but admittedly haven’t made a full commitment. I work out twice a week with a personal trainer who even comes by my house to capitalize on the workout equipment in our basement.
Often I finish Thursday’s workout thinking I am going to exercise at least three times by the following Tuesday and typically it turns out to be once or none.
So, to really accomplish that bucket list item, and achieve even higher levels of fitness in the process, I need to work out at least twice more per week.
Again, I could get down on myself for not doing more, but then I ask myself if I was working out a year ago. The answer is no. Were my blood sugars higher? Yes.
So, there is always more we can do toward a goal, but I think of it as success if we continue to move towards that target, whether the steps are large or small.
As Nido Qubein, motivational speaker and president of High Point University said, “Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.”
I met Edmonton colleague and friend Elizabeth Severson several years ago at an economic development conference in Yellowknife. She’s documented on Facebook her challenges of staying on course with a healthy regimen.
Here’s a post from Oct. 30 that shows how progress is often an ebb and flow affair: “When I started my weight loss journey a few months ago, I weighed the heaviest I had ever been … I finally said enough is enough and started making some drastic changes to my lifestyle…less junk food, less eating out. More portion control, meal prep, healthier choices and going to the gym. The result of these changes: more energy (for the most part lol), less headaches, less body aches, and not needing as much medication around cold/flu season. I sleep better too!
“The biggest change however is that I am down 16 lbs!! And while I have another 50 lbs to go, I know I can do it! Yes, it’s tough, I have my ups and downs, over-indulge at times, but I am human am trying not to beat myself up over it. I am grateful for the supports I have in my life (my husband, my family and friends) and look forward to being the healthiest version of me.”
Since this post, Elizabeth has shared news of how she’s faring. Sometimes, there have been setbacks but then I encourage her to look at other good things that have happened in the meantime, like her husband getting partial custody of his daughter.
Our success towards goals also have to be put into perspective with what else is happening in life.
For Jackie Dawson, another Edmonton friend, getting married wasn’t something to do just because her friends were getting hitched. If that meant waiting until age 36 to say yes, so be it.
“I could have been married in my 20s, I was proposed to, but I knew I wasn’t ready. I had lots I wanted to do still and I was still trying to figure out who I was,” she says.
But I waited…then I figured it would never happen because I hadn’t met the right guy. Then when I met my fiancé I knew right away that I’d marry him.
I’m glad I waited and didn’t settle. When you know, you know. Some people are lucky enough to find that person early on but I was never 100% on seeing myself with any guy I dated for the rest of my life.”
Jackie and I are both huge sports fans, so I thought it fitting to sum up with this quote by former NBA coach John Wooden who once said, “There’s a choice in everything you do, but in the end, the choice you make, makes you.”
Inspiring And Being Inspired
February 2, 2015 § 5 Comments
Photo credit: Lauren Nelson
Co-author Wendy and I started this blog more than five years ago to create content for a motivational/inspirational book(s). While we’re devoted to encouraging others, our thoughts are naturally shaped by events, people, situations, and the moving words of others.
I’ve reflected on some people who’ve inspired me in the past and even in recent days.
I was reminded of the first individual on Jan. 24 when alerted on Linkedin to Ian Nielsen-Jones’ birthday.
Ian was the president of the Ontario Lottery Corporation when I signed on in 1992.
The message he conveyed during new employee orientation sticks with me to this day and has been a strong influence on how I do my job.
Ian told new staff that if someone saw them in a store wearing a company jacket and had a lottery-related question, they should either be able to answer the enquiry or know how to direct the customer.
Now a senior competition expert at the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development, Ian encouraged us to consider ourselves as ambassadors. I have adapted that thinking to every job since, particularly when dealing with the public.
Inspiring Global Leaders
At the City of Grande Prairie, I strive to engage residents in recognizing their voices count.
Who better than Nelson Mandela to illustrate how an individual can make a difference? In December, we marked a year since the death of the former South African president.
Mandela could have easily given up after 27 years in prison. Instead, he would see to the end of apartheid.
He once stated, “There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”
Teachers Guiding The Way
I have a soft spot for teachers, having worked in the education sector for many years.
The work of two friends inspired me to tell their stories.
Natalie Richer, a Grade 5 teacher in Ottawa, is a leader in the Be the Game leadership and mentorship program. It’s an initiative to end the cycle of bullying while building strong character in elementary and secondary students.
“I see the effects of bullying and, more particularly, cyber-bullying in my class every single day,” she says.
“In January 2013, I was looking for a solution when CTV Morning Live Ottawa tweeted they would have Joe Drexler on their show to talk about his program. I quickly searched more about it to see if it was something I could implement in my classroom.”
The program is geared towards acts of kindness. By shifting the mindset of students towards the positive, bullying can be decreased.
Always an optimist, Natalie wrote Drexler for details, including whether the program was available in French.
“While it wasn’t, yet, we started to exchange emails about my views on his program, as a teacher. I learned more and tried a version of the program by myself in the classroom. The 21 Day Challenge is simple, yet effective.
“I got more and more involved and offered my input and ideas. The program evolved, the partners are growing and we are touching more and more students. I had the chance to see Joe in action with different age groups and while the messaging differs, appropriately, he manages to impact so many students with his inspirational presentation.
“Especially with high school students, he has an extremely touching story of a young girl that took her life after months of cyber-bullying. It touches them in ways we never thought possible and pushes them to make real, long-lasting change. We believe that talking about the real issues and effects is what makes this program worthwhile.
“The kids want to be better and sometimes don’t realize how powerful their words are. Because they’re so good at manipulating electronic devices, doesn’t mean they know the possible effects of spreading online hate. They want to talk about it and to learn more. I truly believe that our programs make a difference and that every school should get it. With the help of today’s youth, I truly believe that, together, we can create change and make a difference!
Julianna Oligny is a teacher to be. She’s also destined to be a great educator.
“What got me into special education was my work at the summer camp where I helped autistic and children with Down syndrome. I simply fell in love with them and their joy of life, so I can say that my biggest inspiration is them,” she says.
“I love to make people happy and I try my best to help anyone who needs it. Pay it forward is my way of thinking.”
Julianna actually began studying to be a graphic designer but after the first summer camp, she knew what her future was meant to be.
“I finished my studies in that domain and I knew that that’s not what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to do something better, to help the world.
She’s now in her third year of her bachelor in Special Education at the University of Montreal.
“My goals are to be someone that kids look up to, to inspire them to never give up no matter how hard it can be. I want to be that person who won’t give up on them like so many did before.”
Promoting Mental Health
#BellLetsTalk was an overwhelming success for raising funds to address mental health needs and creating meaningful conversations. It encouraged people to reach out to those requiring help and for those in need to get assistance.
I made many new connections through promoting the campaign in late January, including Natasha Bustos, a student, who lives in Ontario. I was impressed with her as a #BellLetsTalk warrior on twitter.
“I have been very passionate about the importance of mental health for as long as I can remember,” she says. “I’ve always cared about making sure that my friends and family are doing well, and helping them in any way that I could if they weren’t.”
Natasha found dealing with her own personal strife over the past year has given her a greater understanding of mental health issues.
“What makes me so passionate about mental health though, is that it doesn’t receive as much attention as physical health. I truly believe that our mental health is just as important as our physical health which is why I am trying to bring awareness to it and want to help people in any way that I can.”
Bucket List Or A Game Plan?
September 15, 2014 § 3 Comments
Being on vacation recently, I had a chance to talk to a lot of people – family, friends and even some new contacts.
Some of my older friends and family are in the throes of determining how their futures should unfold. Often, they have been busy caring for others – children, spouses and elderly parents – and have never really carved out their own niche.
A few younger friends are also busy charting their own courses, trying to weigh all the possibilities and capitalize on opportunities. One young marketing and communications professional has a small business sideline. Another is employed in the restaurant sector contemplating how to parlay her post-secondary education into a relevant career. A third is exploring human resources related prospects in between positions.
I noted that while decades separate the people involved in these conversations, one thing is common – bucket lists include some similar themes: world travel, seeing favourite entertainers live and even pursuing new hobbies or interests.
This got me thinking of my own bucket list and I determined that in order to qualify, entries must be achievable – without intervention of circumstances such as lottery wins or acts of God – thankfully I don’t cheer for the Toronto Maple Leafs.
For brevity, I have narrowed my list to 10 and there are some commonalities with friends, young and old. These are in no particular order:
- Bruce Springsteen is a favourite performer and I’ve seen him do a solo acoustic show but now I want to see him play with the E Street Band.
- Like my friends, global travel is on my list, but I will be specific: I want to travel to Belgium and Luxembourg – my grandmother and grandfather on my dad’s side were from those respective countries. I have no links there, but would love to see where the Olinger legacy began.
- I also want to travel to every region of Canada. I have yet to visit Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, Newfoundland and Labrador, Nunavut, and the Yukon so I have a great start.
- Now that I have begun going to the gym, I want to get rid of the pot belly.
- Eliminating my dependence on diabetes medication and pills for related afflictions, for that matter.
- To ride in a hot air balloon.
- For blogmate Wendy and I to complete a book(s) from the content of these blogs.
- My short story on my dearly departed furkid Jasper will be published as a book.
- Retirement to Vancouver Island. Joyce and I have travelled there four of the last five years and a few times earlier. It appeals greatly to both of us as a place that has it all.
- Finding another #furkid for our home. This is not just a matter of getting another dog. Both of our previous pooches and their personalities have been an integral part of our family life.
Now, of course, achieving any goal means setting realistic action steps.
In his Book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey referenced the second of these as: Thinking with the End in Mind.
Completing a book, for example, takes investments of time, money and courage – we need to be certain others will be as excited about our writing as we are. Similarly with Jasper tale, I have to take the necessary publishing steps, most importantly, completing the task of converting the short story into book form.
Committing to bring another dog into the home, likely a puppy, takes a lot of time and energy since we truly believe pets are part of the family.
Taking on diabetes with a plan of eliminating medications means a daily commitment to exercise, managing diet and controlling stress (the heredity factor is already there). Admittedly, the necessary dedication has not been there.
I must admit that health-related items really shouldn’t be on a bucket list. They should be musts to pursue. However, having them there helps to set priorities.
So, the question I have to ask myself or anyone else, what are you willing to do to cross items off your list?
Since most of us have multiple things we want to achieve, maybe we should view our bucket lists as an action plans.
It’s Okay To Get Help Achieving Goals
July 10, 2014 § 2 Comments
Flickr credit: Jinx!
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So I’ve started a new venture. Well, actually going to the gym is not unknown to me. I had a membership once before without success.
This time, however, I’ve taken on a personal trainer to help me realize my goals – the first of which is to not suck air by doing minimal physical activity and the second is to make fitness part of a daily routine.
My first attempt at getting in better shape occurred in 1998. After I started my communications business, I really embraced the change in my career by taking on a few personal development pursuits, including going to the gym and enrolling in Toastmasters.
I made a valiant with both in the beginning, but as I got busy building the business, I began rationalizing why I couldn’t go. Eventually I dropped both because I had felt the need to be going all the time as part of my new lifestyle.
It didn’t occur to me that doing something less frequently but still regularly was better than doing nothing at all. The required commitment just wasn’t there for either.
Fast forward to 2014
I decided to buy a bike in May. My last one died in 1997 as I pedaled to work at the Ontario Lottery Corporation one morning. I hadn’t cycled since.
Despite initial excitement about even cycling to and from work, I have only gone for one spin.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, I was contacted via LinkedIn by Taylor Jarvis, a personal trainer who works at Winston’s Health and Fitness Centre. She’d heard through a mutual acquaintance that I might be looking for someone to coach me at the gym.
I thought there would be no harm in going to speak with her and doing an initial orientation.
The first time out was frustrating. I wasn’t able to get through what I felt were easy exercises on some of the equipment without help and I bailed out of lunges.
It also felt awkward to have someone coaching me on something I felt should be up to me to take care of – my own fitness.
In the workplace and out in the community, I am a mentor to numerous people. I wasn’t sure about this turnabout. I am very independent, competitive and take pride in everything I do. I rarely seek help on anything unless I have a problem with technology.
Taylor checked in that first evening to see how I was feeling and to make sure that I’d enjoyed working out. She told me had done well even though I was disappointed.
That encouragement helped make sure there was a next time.
By my second visit to the gym, I was feeling sore. I knew that was in part because I hadn’t worked some of my muscles hard in years. In between, diabetes had taken its toll on my body, too.
After that workout, Taylor asked me how I felt. I told her the dilemma was that I could quit and the soreness would go away or I could get stronger and it would also go away.
She said I could think of it as a good hurt.
Today, the role reversal came full circle.
After going through my first exercise, Taylor asked me how I felt. I replied, “Okay.” She countered with: “You mean, not awesome or great?”
That’s exactly how I might speak to someone who provided a less than enthusiastic reply. I wondered if Taylor had read one of my first blogs which was about banning iffy word and phrases like hope, try, may, might, if and would like to. She hadn’t. I usually cringe when others use the word okay as is equivalent to mediocre to me.
Inspiration to Continue
It was after this third workout that I decided I’d continue going to the gym regularly and that I would carry on with Taylor to coach me to higher levels of fitness. I realize that, in time, I can be more self-directed and work out on my own some of the time or at home.
I just know this time, I want to maintain fitness as something I just do and not let things get in the way. The one bit of exercise I did get in recent years was Jasper’s need for daily walks. As his health waned up until his death in February, we’d been taking shorter, less invigorating jaunts.
This spring, Joyce and I began walking up to 10 km per day which, combined with workouts, will put me in much better condition.
This fitness venture has reminded me that it’s okay to get help setting goals, reaching them, establishing new ones and measuring success. While I was skeptical that a personal trainer would be the solution, it helped to click with someone whose encouragement has already kept me going.
Reinforcement From Others
I tweeted out about my fitness pursuit today and received a lot of encouragement. I will share some of the responses:
Glenna Cross, a communications consultant in Calgary said: “Keep going David. Just pace yourself. Listen to your body’s messages about limits.”
Another communications colleague, Dan Huang, who lives in Edmonton, said, “keep going to the gym, sitting on our butts is shortening our life span daily…just going to the gym is half the battle.”
Friend Samantha Evans in New Jersey who also described the soreness from workouts as a “good hurt” told me how much she cherishes her gym time.
“It’s worth it, trust me. Think of it this way: You are bettering yourself. Push yourself, just not to the point of harming yourself.”
With the help of Taylor and encouragement from friends and colleagues, I’m sure to succeed this time.
One thing is for sure, I am not a woulda, coulda, shoulda type person.
Where Are We Meant To Be?
August 26, 2013 § 2 Comments
I was at a party recently where one of the attendees was turning 30. He told a group of us he wasn’t where he’d imagined being at that age in terms of achievements, but that he’d come to terms with it.
It was pleasing to hear this fellow had found perspective, especially since he’d just landed a new job and has a lovely girlfriend. He has lots to look forward to.
This is not an uncommon scenario. Whether it’s our own expectations or those of others, there are threshold ages at which certain achievements are supposed to have occurred. I realized long ago there is no set time for things to happen. We should avoid comparisons between generations.
I remember once sitting with a guy on his 30th birthday. He got totally wasted feeling he’d accomplished little worthwhile in his life. He’d somehow overlooked that he was a part owner of a business and had been married in the previous couple of years.
Needless to say, when I reached that age, I was waiting for the sky to fall. It didn’t. Nor did it when I reached age 50.
When I turn 53 on Aug. 28, I will be at a baseball game in Seattle while on vacation. No chance of the blues on that day, either, unless there are some musicians playing one of my favourite genres of music.
Goal-setting is a great tool toward reaching objectives but we can get so consumed with what are “supposed to do” by a certain milestone, we forget to enjoy the journey.
I told an outgoing colleague that I was writing this blog. I just had to include her reaction.
Lucy Ramirez began as a City of Grande Prairie Municipal Intern and left last week as the Education Co-ordinator in the Environmental Sustainability department. I had always found Lucy to be mature beyond her years and admire her for doing things in her own unique ways.
When I learned she’s going to pursue further education to transition to a career in planning, I was not surprised. Lucy has always been her own person.
“Age 30 is the right time for me to be returning to school,” she proclaimed in our parting chat.
Lucy will go as far as her ambition takes her, following her own cues as to the right time to do things.
Our current Municipal Intern Divine Ndemeye had some great food for thought when I told her what I am writing about.
“I wonder if the pressure or excitement, in some instances, is our own choices or if it’s purely societal expectations,” she says.
She notes where people are at by certain ages can be influenced by family, religious or cultural traditions.
“So I suspect that those emphasis put on certain ages are just ways for all of us to feel validated in society and not necessarily always to ourselves,” she added.
“We all know the questions and comments that we get asked at some point in life:
- “When are you going to settle down?”
- “You should think about buying a house”
- “Your clock is ticking”
“All those are associated with a time constraint or some ‘deadline’ to be met. Individual deadlines and targets aren’t usually as expressed as the societal ones. Most people speak of external pressure to be ‘somewhere’ in their life, according to whatever age they are.”
Emilie Lepage, a friend in Quebec City going to medical school to be a doctor, says it’s true how a lot of us have a mindset that at a certain age we should be somewhere in our lives.
“For myself, I imagine being 30 and starting to feel comfortable with my work and hopefully with a man I love, starting a family. But who knows? I can’t predict my future.”
She says it’s most important to focus on happiness and being open to various experiences, including the potential to travel.
“I just don’t have any set goals in where I want to be. I want to see what life has in store for me.”
I was initially inspired to write this piece when Alina, a Canucks fan in Vancouver who follows me on Twitter, shared with me her thoughts in June about graduating from high school and what might lie ahead.
Her outlook is refreshing. I hope others look at what they are doing as worthwhile and not be totally consumed by timelines set by themselves or others.
I’m reminded of the lyrics from Garden Party, a 1972 song by Ricky Nelson: “Ya can’t please everyone so you got to please yourself.”
Check out Alina’s story:
“So I just threw my graduation cap in the air yesterday, and watched as people who I have known since my childhood leave the auditorium to every corner of the world –California, Hong Kong, Toronto, France, and even Russia.
It’s a weird feeling; it never really hit me until I was sitting in the car heading home from the night. Everyone is going down their own separate paths, with each their own aspirations and dreams without the security of a group of people who were essentially like their second family.
“What does my future have in place for me? I really don’t know. Signing up for courses at university, I did know ‘Yeah, I love science’ and that somehow I will manage to incorporate that in my life.
However, university is just another step in education, and since I was a child I was already aware that “Yeah, I’m going to go to university!” and would even answer the home phone calls with “Hi, Dr. Alina here’.
“I think I’ve come to realize that I spend a plethora of my time on textbook knowledge and not enough on true life knowledge – about what it means to challenge yourself, test yourself, do more for people who are always by your side and for people you know that need it.
“When in life am I going to need to know who Arthur Miller’s father was? I mean, it’s interesting to know about the lives of others but maybe – just maybe – I should be spending a little more time on my own?
I want to look back and tell myself that “hey, I actually did go zip lining” even though the thought of being high up in the air puts my brain at unease.
All I know about my future is that I do not want a cookie cutter life. I do not want to graduate high school, then graduate from university, then get a boring job sitting at a desk all day with ugly grey walls swallowing me up followed by getting married and having two kids as well as a dog named Rufus in a home surrounded by a white picket fence.
“It may be the American dream, but if there is one thing I know it’s that it’s definitely not my dream. You only get one chance. Why not leave a meaningful – even if small – mark on the planet?”
Alina has her eyes on being a biologist, a haematologist or a genetics researcher. She will shine at whatever she sets out to do – and whenever she does it.
I Love You.
June 17, 2013 § 1 Comment
Today, I looked myself in the mirror and I wouldn’t budge until I was able to say something to myself that I’ve been longing to hear.
At first, the words wouldn’t come. Blue eyes were staring back at me expectantly. A lump formed in my throat. My bottom lip began to tremble. My eyes welled with tears. I wanted to look away, but I didn’t. This was too important. The blue eyes still looking at me, also red and brimming with tears. So long as I was there, they weren’t going anywhere. Try again.
“I…” I faltered and broke down once more. But with renewed courage I tried again.
“I love you.” I stumbled on the words at the end, but at least this time it was out!
I did it again. And again. And again. Until the words were loud and clear and resounding from a place inside of me I do my best to ignore. If I could’ve hugged the figure in the mirror, what an embrace it would have been. As it was, we stared back at one another, each with a grateful smile curling on our lips. I picked up a hand towel and dried her tears.
“I love you. I see you.” She smiled back. We’ve made contact.
**********
“If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anybody else.”
– Jennifer Lopez
People around me are falling in love. And I’m paying attention. A colleague recently shared a scrapbook she made for her partner – full of words of love, affection and celebration. I flipped each page, looking at the photos, the mementos, the laughing eyes and faces brimmed with happiness.
“This is beautiful!” I said as I handed the scrapbook back to her.
Inside I thought, “Is this what people in love look like?” I’ve known this girl for a long time. I’ve never seen her eyes dance like this before. I think it must be.
My best friend and I have joined forces with another of our friends to complete a book study of Calling In The One by Katherine Woodward Thomas. 7 weeks of exercises and contemplation. At the centre of just about every exercise… you (me). The book is about learning to love yourself, because as J Lo pointed out, true love isn’t possible until we first love ourselves.
I met a man once in the midst of a messy marriage. As I listened to his story, all I could feel were the pain behind his words. A woman he shouldn’t have married, a house that wasn’t creating a space of love for either of them or their children. As we talked, I found myself relating to his pain. Not his situation, but the feeling behind the situation. As he told his story, I could see the parts in mine where I could take the initiative to turn all that around. Most of his story was about learning to stand up for himself and step into his light rather than skulking in his shadows.
I’ve done a great deal of work on my self-image and self-esteem, but I went deeper. I got right down next to the me that was still hurting and I watched what made her cower, made her hide, made her afraid to show her beautiful face. Anything I do that makes her feel like less of a person, I stop. Now we manage our eating habits, our spending habits, our relationships and our thoughts with much more awareness and intention. Because when I slip up, she hides.
I slip up when I’m not listening to her. She knows exactly what she wants, what she needs.
Last night as I lay in my bed, it dawned on me that I could give her what she wants.
“I love you, Wendy,” I whispered into the darkness.
This morning I woke up, all warm and snuggled in my blankets.
“I love you, Wendy.”
And then I had the brilliant idea that I should look myself in the eyes while I said it.
I trudged upstairs, hair a mess, bits of eyeliner still lining my eyes from what I didn’t wash off the night before. I looked myself in the mirror and I wouldn’t budge until I was able to say something to myself that I’ve been longing to hear.
Eyes brimming with tears, lips trembling, it took a few tries, but I did it.
“I love you, Wendy.”
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