It’s all in my head: How visualization has helped me
February 22, 2010 § 2 Comments
I’ve been reading The Secret over the last couple of months. It hasn’t taken me a couple of months to get through it, but I’ve been reading it over and over, letting it sink in, seeing if I could swallow what the author is saying or if I thought she was missing the ball. I think, that like anything else, there is some truth to what she is saying, but there are important elements about myself that I have had to recognize to find a way to make what The Secret is about work for me.
Take, for instance, the idea of visualization. If you visualize what you want, it will become reality. The mind has a tough time differentiating between imagination and reality, so by visualizing what you want, it will come to pass because your mind already thinks it’s real. And to some degree, I think this does work, but, I’ve found that I’ve had to make a few modifications for it to be successful. See, for me, I need to know where that difference is between reality and make believe. I’m all too willing to believe that what’s in my mind is true today. Except that half the time, this isn’t the case. And without recognizing that fact, I would never have believed that visualization could be a successful exercise in getting what I want. Because I wouldn’t have seen that sometimes, visualizing what you want isn’t enough, sometimes the stuff around me needs for me to be present in it and take action in it as well in order for this to work
I live the majority of my life in my own head. That sounds a bit absurd to write, if I wasn’t in my own head, who’s head would I be in? Well, nobody’s. Just my own. But what I’m getting at here is that I have always had an incredibly active imagination. And in some cases, that imagination has gotten me through some tough times. It’s been my cocoon from life’s events that may have otherwise taken me down. But it’s also kept me in a world entirely of my own.
I’ve had some very good relationships in my head. I’ve loved and I’ve lost. I’ve overcome so many barriers… except that many of them never made it past the walls of my cocoon. And that’s where I’ve found the greatest benefit for me with visualization. It’s helped me see where there’s a disconnect between what I see in my mind as true and what the situation around me actually is. It’s reinforced the importance of balance in my life. Balance of work, balance of friends, and balance in the amount of time I spend upstairs, and how much I’m out taking action, ensuring that what I find when I close my eyes is what I will find when I open them.
When they don’t match, that’s when I know I’ve got some work to do. But that’s the easiest place for me to get tripped up – when I think everything is going according to plan, but I’ve only checked in with myself, not with the situation around me.
I’m not sure how many people out there are like me, and how many are the opposite. But I do know that living in either extreme does not get me any closer to having what I see internally and what I see externally mirroring one another. How about you? What kinds of things do you use to keep yourself in check and on track?
I doubt that’s possible… or do I?
February 17, 2010 § 1 Comment
There are times where it can be easy for me to get caught up in the mechanics of a situation. There are details I just haven’t figured out yet, and I get so focused on trying to find a solution that I miss out on everything else that’s going on. Right now, for instance, I’m fumbling. I have an idea of where I’d like to go, and for most of last year I was just out in the world, doing my thing, going wherever the wind took me. Because I figured if that’s where the wind blew me, then that must be the place for me to be.
As much as I talk about being clear about choices, and trusting yourself and your instincts, I think an important part of this process is knowing that at some point, you may fumble. How is it possible to be so sure of oneself if you haven’t spent any time being unsure? The questions milling about in my head right now are ranging on all levels. From relationships, to music, to career. I’m questioning my choices, I’m looking at where I’ve been and I’m wondering if where I’ve been headed all of this time is still where I want to go.
Is it possible to devote my spare time and energy to build a company, write a blog that will turn into a book, follow my heart further down the musical path it loves so much and still have time for quality friendships and relationships? Many people over the last couple of years have told me “no, no it isn’t possible.” And yet, I’ve found some that tell me “of course it is.”
I’m in a moment right now, that I don’t know which one of those sides to believe. I’m doubting the truth of everything I’ve said so far. And yet now that I’ve put those doubts into words, I wonder just how true they are? Or if I’m just looking for a way to prove the rest of the world right. The ones who say it’s not possible. The ones who can lull me back to a spot of complacency.
Part of living the life of my dreams has been about recognizing everything I might be feeling at one moment or another. Knowing that there will be moments that I doubt myself and my abilities, but having the strength to acknowledge it, but not to give in to it.
Doubt is as much a part of the process as belief. It’s as natural a feeling as any other. It can be what gets in our way, what stops us from continuing on down the path to what we want. But it can also serve as a valuable check and balance. Whenever you are at a place of doubt, don’t just banish it from your thoughts, but don’t get caught up in it either. Stop, observe it, explore where it’s coming from. It crept into your mind for one reason or another. Take it as a sign to check in. See what the situation is around you, see if what you want still fits, or if new opportunities have arisen that change your game plan.
Just as light cannot exist without dark, the good is never good unless measured against the bad, belief cannot exist without doubt. Use it to your advantage and then decide which one you’d like to prove right… what you believe… or what you doubt. Consciously pick one. And I think you’ll find your proof either way.
Connecting Opportunity With Reality
February 2, 2010 § 8 Comments
Young people have more opportunities than ever before.
Some people will suggest I’m certifiably nuts for that statement. What about the economy? What about the global uncertainty caused by terrorism? What about financial barriers to post-secondary education?
The fact is there have always been challenges to achieving success. There always will be.
In my own realm in the communications field, the possibilities have grown exponentially over the years.
I have moved from being a newspaper reporter with stops in St. Paul and Grande Prairie, Alberta and Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario to corporate writing and editing for a Crown corporation to operating my own communications firm to communications in the education sector to my current position as Manager of Marketing and Communications at the City of Grande Prairie.
Thanks to technology, someone in the communications field here in Grande Prairie could be producing copy for a company in Warsaw, Poland and never set foot in the country. For that matter, an entire website can be produced for a client in Walla Walla, Washington and no actual direct conversation needs to take place.
When I graduated from college, you could be a print, television or radio reporter. Now, you can have a job reporting completely online. There are companies specializing in advising companies and governments on how to maximize social media opportunities.
At the time I left college, Public Relations practitioners were not nearly as widespread as today. Back then, Marshall McLuhan stating, “The medium is the message” still resonated readily with people. Now, there are a myriad of mediums and there is a general recognition in the importance of communications – and the consequences of it being done poorly.
By merely mentioning Grande Prairie, Sault Ste. Marie and Walla Walla, Washington in this Blog, people who have these place names in their Google alerts will be notified about it.
As far as barriers go, I left college at a time when bumper stickers in Alberta read: “God, grant me another oil boom and I won’t piss it away this time.” This may be the first economic crunch of the generation, but it is nothing new for anyone who’s been in the workforce any length of time.
I grew up listening to news of every morning of political strife in Northern Ireland. I remember watching the American troops pull out of Viet Nam.
A similar explosion of career possibilities has occurred in other professions. A whole industry has sprung up around the green movement – my close friends, Cecilia Lu and Sofia Ribeiro, at Kiwano Marketing have found a niche in green marketing.
So, how does all this relate to young people in 2010?
There needs to be a far better connection to the opportunities and the realities.
Many parents and the education system, to a large degree, still have the mindset that little Johnny and Mary, starting out in Grade 1, will go to university because, after all, they need a high level of education to get a good job.
It really is much more complicated than that – and there are enough taxi drivers with degrees to debunk that notion.
In 2002, 58 per cent of Albertans aged 25-34 reported having completed post-secondary education. The rest? Well some would have started into college or university and dropped out while others went directly into the workforce from high school. A significantly high number of students still do not complete high school – in the 30 per cent range in some areas.
It is clear that the vision many of us as parents have when our children begin Kindergarten and the reality is not at all connected in many cases. Nor should it be.
How can we know what skills and aptitudes our children will have at age 5? In my own case, I didn’t even like school until I was in Grade 12.
My son graduated from high school and has attended college, but has decided to take a break until he determines what direction the schooling is taking him.
I support his decision. No education is lost, but when there is not an unlimited source of funds, there needs to be some focus.
Given there is no end of choices, I want my son to find something he is passionate about – unless, as parenting expert Barbara Coloroso would say, that choice is life-threatening, morally-threatening or illegal.
He might be best suited to travel for while and maybe work overseas. Unlike when I was his age, people backpacked in other countries and had to scrape up jobs to continue their travels, there are now actual programs that will help people line up opportunities and help them make arrangements for living abroad.
Far too many people are bored or stuck in a rut before age 30, despite the opportunities.
Sometimes that is because parents or the students themselves rushed a decision about a career choice. In other situations, people’s likes or circumstances change.
I believe a big improvement in the success rate would be made if co-operative education was mandatory for all high school students, even the ones who are adamant they know their career path. Maybe some time in the workforce in their chosen occupation would save thousands of dollars by students realizing a career path is not for them before it is too late.
There also needs to be more flexibility in the system. We can’t always pigeon-hole students and must allow for diverse interests.
A hands-on student may also have an academic side. In a world that emphasizes entrepreneurism, it would be handy if a young person who’s gifted in electronics could also take business courses. From first-hand experience, I know it is easier to operate a company if you have both practical experience and some courses to help you understand the ins and outs of business.
Although the education system has evolved in recent years, more needs to be done to ensure students are prepared for the realities of the real world, particularly given so many don’t actually attend post-secondary.
I am pleased there is more recognition that students acquire knowledge in a variety of ways and teachers are being instructed in how to address differentiated learning.
More parents need to realize they need to have a significant role in their children’s education. We shouldn’t criticize the education system if we’ve invested little in knowing how it works or supporting the people in it.
Our children’s teachers spend more waking hours with our kids than we do during the week, yet far too many educators get little support. In fact, a lot of people seem to think they could do a better job.
Society needs to do more, too. It was enough that schools were expected to teaching Reading, Writing and Arithmetic. Then it was sex education and drug education. As families became more dysfunctional and social problems became more prevalent, they have had to become part-time psychologists and counsellors.
Now, in many schools, kids are being fed at the school before classes get under way in recognition that children learn better with a full stomach.
There is an old African proverb that it takes an entire village to educate a child.
If we expect little Johnny and Mary to capitalize on the opportunities, then all of us must do more to make it happen. We need to be willing to change our thinking about how reality and opportunities can better connect.
As author and motivational speaker Tony Robbins notes, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
Our four legged friends
January 18, 2010 § 8 Comments
Last fall, David asked me for my opinion and some ideas on a piece about pets. The library in Grande Prairie does a writing competition every year, and this year pets were the topics. I’ve always felt that pets are an important part of a person’s life for those of us that have them. They can bring us great joy, they can disarm even the most protected person, and we can learn so much from them.
It was my last at home (home being my mom’s place) over the holidays before heading back to Calgary. I had just returned home from Edmonton and there was a cute waggily tail waiting to greet me at the back door. I let Tetris into the back porch so we could properly greet one another without the discomforts of the cold outdoors. That waggily tail continued to wag, and as usual, Tetris was beside herself with joy to see me. She eventually calmed down and became the sweetest dog in the world (and no I’m not biased at all).
As I sat in the doorway petting her and scratching her belly, I noticed just how relaxed and at peace I was with her. It’s taken me a long time to become that way with other human beings, but with a pet it’s just so natural. I remembered a friend in Calgary mentioning once that she wished she could be as at home with herself with the rest of the world as she is when she’s hanging out with her four legged friend. What is it about a pet that can only bring out the best in us?
A dog operates from only one place. They don’t know how to lie or deceive, they are easily hurt, but trust again just as readily. They will always be home to greet you, even on the days you may have parted on a harsh word because they left a spot on your tie… or chewed up one of your favourite shoes. And yet, they remain a source of love and affection. That’s what being on the receiving end of unconditional love is like. Imagine if most people operated from the same plane. Where those you interact with are not a source of distrust or stress, but such an unfathomably endless well of joyful emotion, that you know no matter what you do, they love you anyway.
This is the lesson I learn and relearn from Tetris every time I’m back home. The ability to open myself up and accept her the way she is… holes in the backyard, mud on my jeans and everything… and allow her to accept me the way I am… messy apartment, laundry that’s never done… and everything. It is easier done with a dog, they don’t have the capacity to judge. But what if we refrained from judging one another as well? How much easier would it be? How much farther ahead would the world be because we trusted one another and weren’t scared to be who we are?
How Big Is Your Change?
January 11, 2010 § 2 Comments
It’s early January and many people are trying to follow through on New Year’s resolutions. Some have vowed they’ll stop smoking. Others have begun an exercise regime. Many of these pledges will fail. Numerous people have already thrown in the towel by now.
Not all significant lifestyle changes occur as a result of a promise to one’s self on Dec. 31. Sometimes people just realize that it is time.
However personal improvement occurs, it is most heartening to see that people really can overcome major obstacles, whether hurdles life has thrown at them or their problems were self-inflicted.
I was inspired about a year ago as I was contemplating my entry into the writing competition being held by the Grande Prairie Public Library. The theme was Winning and Losing.
The angle of my story was the reverse … losing and winning.
I told readers how a friend’s daughter lost everything – her children, her job, her house – through drug abuse, becoming addicted to crack at age 30.
Interviewing the subject of the story and writing it, gave me a picture I had never seen so up close and personal. I had never experienced the depths people will go to feed and addiction. It brought tears to my own eyes to see the story turn into one of her winning her family back, regaining employment and having the opportunity to buy a home again.
So, while we are considering whether we can make life-altering changes to improve, the answer is … yes we can. Just ask Marcie:
Marcie Wins Back Family, Loses Drugs
My idea of winning and losing has always been pretty simple – did my Montreal Canadiens or Toronto Blue Jays win last night? . . . Or how am I doing in the hockey pool?
Occasionally, the competitive juices would boil if I was vying for a coveted job and, hey, who likes to come out on the short end in an argument?!
But catching up with my friend, Theresa, and her, daughter, Marcie, recently gave me a whole new perspective on winning and losing.
Not since I experienced the birth of my son and death of my father, both in 1989, have I faced such a pronounced rollercoaster of emotions when hearing those two words together.
Theirs is story of a mother and daughter basking in the glow of a renewed life together thanks to Marcie overcoming drug abuse – a five-year addiction to crack cocaine.
Marcie’s definition of winning includes her ability to hold a job now. Being reunited with her two children, now 20 and 12, is another win. Probably the most important victory is the respect she’s earned from her children.
“They know they just have to call me and I will be there.”
For her to regain that connection, Marcie had to be completely open about the ordeal she’d put herself and her family through.
“I also know the tell-tale signs of drug abuse now and have that awareness. I feel more responsibility and more pressure. It is me that stops me from going back,” she says.
For her to achieve these wins, Marcie had to lose her home, place her sons in her mother’s care, and give up much more.
“You lose yourself and your goals,” she says of her addiction. “You lose track of what’s important, your values, your self esteem, and then you hit rock bottom.”
It becomes a vicious circle. The crack makes things feel better, but only for so long. Then reality sinks in. Marcie is fortunate she didn’t spiral into further despair or sink deeper into the world of drug abuse.
“When you start hating the way you feel and the way your life is going, turning to drugs is a way to cope because when you are high, you don’t feel,” Marcie explains.
“When you are living a life of chaos, your focus is on getting and using drugs. You are always on the go, people are always around you partying, and people want to be your friends without judgement. The excitement was the feeling of being important and on top of the game. People needing drugs will make you feel like you are important and they respect you when, in fact, all they want is your drugs.
“The winning side of this is that once you are in rehabilitation, you can learn to deal with your feelings of despair and learn how to cope with the guilt of choosing drugs over your children. You then become able to focus on what is important like family, and getting healthy, both mentally and physically.”
Marcie knew it was time to check into detoxification when she was sitting in a camper, with nowhere to go. It was 11 p.m. on her 34th birthday.
“I had nowhere to celebrate my birthday. I gave myself a present. I knew if I made a bad decision at that point, I would go even lower. If I stopped, I would be able to get help. I called my mom and said, ‘Please come and get me. What have I become?’”
Theresa recalls that moment, too. Was it real this time? Would she ever have her daughter back?
For four long years her grandmother, her mother and father, her sister and her children were forced by this awful drug to live in fear of never having Marcie back.
“She called to say she was done and could no longer face the horrible life she had now and wanted me to pick her up and take her to detox,” recalls Theresa.
The anger welled up in her because she’d heard Marcie’s promises to reform before, only to be disappointed.
“She never followed through and I was getting tired of the let down every time. This time, though, there was something in her voice that was different, and because I love my daughter with all my heart, I went to pick her up.”
Theresa had a lump in her throat when she met Marcie. She couldn’t believe what she saw.
“I found this skinny, dirty, hollow-faced stranger standing under a streetlight,” Theresa recalls. “She was the most pitiful thing I have ever seen. I drove her to detox, walked her into the first set of sliding doors where she met with someone from AADAC.
“I wished her a happy birthday, told her I loved her no matter she has done, kissed her on the cheek and walked away.”
But she didn’t get far.
“I sat in my car in that parking lot for two hours, sobbing and praying that this nightmare would finally be over.”
Marcie would be in detoxification for five days in Grande Prairie. She then went to rehabilitation for three months in Edmonton where she spent a year getting counselling. She also became a member of Narcotics Anonymous.
Although she was no stranger to alcohol and had smoked pot, Marcie didn’t begin using crack until her 30th birthday, at the invitation of her then boyfriend and that started her downward spiral.
“It was fun. It was exciting, but when the money was gone, I was left with an addiction. That is what I remember and I think of how far I’ve come.”
She thinks back to how things fell apart. She had a house and a car and would be the safe place for her friends to do drugs.
“Every penny went to keeping up the drug habit. Then the car broke down and I was out of a house,” she says.
“I spent every pay cheque and child tax cheque, borrowed money from family, friends, and acquaintances. I’d estimate that I spent $1,000 a month minimum . There were the parties that went on for days and everyone would bring drugs and do them until they were gone.”
Marcie has seen herself at her worst and knows there is a long way to go on her journey, but there are also more wins on the way. She has had some setbacks, but has learned to deal with them without going back to crack. It’s been two years without it.
“It’s not a nightmare now. Everything I have been through has made me a better person. I feel better now than before I started on drugs. I have a wonderful career now. I have a great relationship with my children, my sister and the rest of my family.”
Theresa is overjoyed to be on the good side of the winning-losing equation now. There were times she was ready to give up on her daughter. But she never did. Theresa always found strength in remembering Marcie before her addiction.
“She was my first born and the apple of my eye, and as she got older – my best friend. She grew up to be a person of integrity, honesty, and had a heart of gold. She was always helping out friends, even when she had little money for herself or her children,” says Theresa.
“I often remarked that her kindness was being abused by some of her friends and her reply was, ‘if they need it more than I do, I will help wherever I can.’”
Theresa says with that big heart, Marcie would get into relationships with men who seemed to always need something.
“She would always say, ‘I can change them. I will help them to become better people.’ The unfortunate part was she couldn’t and ended up hurt and in financial trouble. After three bad relationships and the loss of her home, she became upset with the way her life was going and, I think now, she gave up. Marcie said once that she was a failure as a wife and a failure as a mother.”
Theresa realizes now that she, like many parents of drug abusers, was in denial.
“I didn’t realize at the time how bad off she was,” Theresa says.
However, Theresa was faced with that reality when she had to pick up her two grandsons from school in January 2004 and then didn’t hear from her daughter for almost five months.
“My life changed dramatically as I then had to become legal guardian to both children,” she says.
“I was angry, scared, mad, confused, hurt and every emotion imaginable. This is something that a mother should never have to go through – not knowing if your child is hurt, scared, cold, hungry or has a warm place to sleep or, if someone has hurt her, or even worse yet killed her.
“I worried about the lifestyle she was in – the dark side of life – and I couldn’t even find her to bring her home.”
Added to this, Theresa had plenty of advice telling her to let go.
“I had many friends who said that “tough love” was the way to go but until you have to go through something like this, you will never know how hard that is,” she says.
Theresa did have to take some action for Marcie’s own good and the safety of the family.
“I eventually had to do and say things to her when she did get in contact with us. I had to cut off all access to money; I had to tell my own flesh and blood that she was no longer welcome to come home to have Christmas dinner with her family because of drugs.”
Buying Marcie gifts became pointless because Theresa knew they would just be sold for drug money.
“My daughter went from a beautiful, healthy, loving human being to a thin, dirty shell of a person with no goals, no hope and no laughter in her heart. Crack turned her into someone else. There were times that I almost wished she was dead so that at least I knew she was finally safe and out of pain.”
Theresa smiles when she thinks of her daughter now and is thankful she never, deep down ever threw in the towel on Marcie.
“I am very proud of my daughter as she has worked her way back to not only being the way she was, but I believe even a better person than before because of what she had to go through to get here,” Theresa says.
“I never, never, ever gave up on my daughter and truly believe that all addictions are a disease and the only way back from the bowels of hell called addiction is to have someone on the other side – waiting and supporting them in any way they can.”
Marcie agrees. “I wouldn’t have been able to do it without my mom. Some people have nowhere to go after they get out of rehab. I was lucky she would take me back. I wasn’t a perfect person, but she hadn’t grown to hate me.”
Marcie, now 37, was also motivated by the opportunity to have her family reunited after being separated for the better part of four years.
“I wanted to get myself back, but I wanted to get us back as a family.”
Her big dream is to once again own a home.
“I want a place for my grandbabies to visit.”
Winning and losing really is more important than last night’s sports scores. A whole lot more.
The Freedom in Letting Go
January 3, 2010 § 7 Comments
I used to think it was about letting go. That when people left us, we had to let them go. They were gone. They were lost. Maybe they died, maybe they simply fell out of our lives. My biggest challenge used to be letting go.
Before I moved to Calgary and after my brother died, I lived in his condo for a year. I was holding on. I was holding on so tightly. Had it not been for my mother’s somewhat more than gentle push to get out of Millet, I would’ve stayed. I would’ve held on. Because I thought that if I held on tightly enough, it would mean that I wouldn’t ever forget him. It would mean that I’d never actually have to lose him. And then maybe I wouldn’t have to miss him as much.
A voice inside my head kept telling me that I had to let go. I had to move on with my life. In fact that’s what we tend to hear from others trying to offer support, trying to breath some life back into us. And maybe it is about letting go, at least to an extent. I couldn’t hold onto what life was. It couldn’t be the same, no matter how tightly I grasped at what I could. When I left Millet, I hadn’t let go yet. My parents and I kept his condo for a good six months, I went back almost every weekend and hung on.
I can’t pinpoint the exact time I began to let go, but I do remember the first time I was able to look at his picture and feel him smiling at me and be able to smile back, not from a place of sorrow, but from a place of happy memory. I felt like he was telling me that I was okay. I was through the woods. I was headed uphill back to what life used to be like.
Today, I picked up his pocket watch. It stopped ticking a long time ago, and I’ve never bothered to replace the battery. As I thumbed the texture on the casing, examined the still hands, I realized something. It is not the ticking of the hands that made the pocket watch a pocket watch. I’ve carried it with me on occasion even without the ticking hands. And just as the pocket watch remains what it is, so to does Wayne. My brother is still my brother. And I can bring him with me whenever I need to. It’s not about holding on anymore. I had to learn to let him go to get to the place that I found he is still here, though he may not tick, he can still exist as whatever I need him to be.
The last week of 2009…
December 28, 2009 § 8 Comments
It’s the last week of 2009. This Christmas has been rare in that I haven’t gotten caught up in all of the hubbub. My stress levels have been at an all time low. I’ve enjoyed every moment, every person, and every morsel of food more than I ever have. And now, with the year on its final legs, I think I’m going to take this week to relive and relish the highlights of 2009, and decide how I will set the stage for 2010.
One way people attempt to start out a new year is with resolutions. And while the intentions behind resolutions are usually good, so many people have set themselves up for failure. The reasons for not following through on a resolution depend on person to person. For me, I think it’s been because there’s always that expectation that you try hard to follow through, but nobody ever actually makes them, so if you give up on your resolutions after a month or two… well, heck, at least you tried, right? This year, I want my resolutions to stick. And so they won’t be resolutions. Because taking one day out of the year to look at what you want and setting a goal isn’t enough. It takes changing our day to day to really make change in our lives.
I’ve been coming across the quote from Ghandi a lot lately “Be the change that you want to see in the world.” That has been my focus for 2009, and will continue to be my focus in 2010. Finding alignment in my own life and in what I want to see in the world. Being the change.
During the last couple of months, David and I have been talking about a New Year’s feature to do. We’ve gone to our networks for some feedback, and thought through a couple of iterations of what this might look like. We will be kicking off the New year with a bit of an experiment. Over the course of the first 10 weeks in 2010, we’ll be posting 10 Things to Inspire and Motivate in 2010.
All the best for a motivational and inspirational New Year.
The first step to wealth is health
December 21, 2009 § 15 Comments
“The first step to wealth is health.”
That rhymes, I told my doctor as he was chiding me for letting a period of extreme stress get in the way of effectively managing my diabetes. He hadn’t considered that, he said, noting he is not a poet. It would to me as a writer.
“There will always be jobs,” the doctor continued. “But if you don’t take care of yourself, that won’t matter.”
For someone who several others readily call a mentor, the motivator had allowed himself to be distracted from Looking out for Number One. He who has pushed others to be positive has lost his own focus.
No excuses. I know better. If I am to remain competitive in the battle against the D word, then I have to do better. Every day. It has already taken its toll in varying ways.
I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes 10 years ago this fall. At first, my doctor felt I could address it with proper exercise and diet. After five years that didn’t work, primarily because I didn’t do the work, and I was prescribed two medications for that as well as pills for cholesterol and high blood pressure.
Diabetes can best be described as juggling four balls – there are four main contributing factors – heredity, stress, diet, and exercise. The first, I can do nothing about. My dad was “borderline” diabetic. When I told the diabetes nurse this, she laughed. “That is like being borderline pregnant. Either you are or you aren’t.”
Then there is stress. Mostly, I am able to use this in a positive sense, feeding my natural drive and energy but lately I have found myself distracted by it, letting things over which I have little or no control bother me.
Speaking of feeding … although I don’t eat horribly, my diet management is not great, mostly in terms of portions and timing. Before I learned I am diabetic, I didn’t eat breakfast so that was an improvement.
The exercise has improved lately, walking the dog almost every day for at least a half hour, often more.
The bottom line is, diabetes is a silent disease. It is not necessarily going to give you a daily reminder like a lump or chronic pain do. But holding it at bay does take daily attention.
So, while I am great at fostering motivation in others, I must accept the responsibility for managing my own stress, diet and exercise. It is MY blood that needs to be monitored and MY doctor appointments that must be kept.
Others can provide encouragement, but it is me who must take charge of my own health.
And, ironically, the best prescription to stress has been at the forefront all these years.
On the side of my mother-in-law’s fridge (for the record, the least reason for me to have stress and, no, my wife is not standing over me as I write) she has posted the Serenity Prayer … God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
My mother-in-law learned in her late 70s that she, too, has diabetes, and has done a much better job of monitoring the disease.
Why?
Perhaps, even though I know I have the disease and know the consequences, I’ve been just too busy worrying about other things.
The doctor was right.
The first step to wealth is health.
Channel Surfing
December 14, 2009 § 3 Comments
It’s another boring night with nothing on. You’re on your couch passively flipping through the channels, trying to find something that will spark your interest for at least a minute. But as you go, the more you surf, the less you find, and the less you pay attention. You get lulled into a sense that there’s never anything on. And so you continue to move through channels, now at lightning speed. Click. Click. Click. Wait, what’s that? Nope, I’ve seen that before. Click.
Sometimes you settle on something to watch for a few minutes before passively clicking through to the next channel, but every now and again you hit the right frequency with that click and come across a program that piques your interest. It’s not that you were looking for this specific program, in fact you probably didn’t really know what you were looking for. But here it is. Out all of the hundreds of channels at all of the different times of day you’ve been through, for once, here it is.
I’ve been thinking about my life in terms of frequency lately. What frequency am I on? Do I like what I’m seeing? If I don’t, I change the channel until I find something that resonates with me.
There’s a bit of singing advice I heard from Matt Good that fits well here too. In order to get the most out of your voice and to hit all of the high notes, he’s learnt to sing from a place where his voice resonates inside of his mind, not from his vocal chords. He said that’s why Thom Yorke from Radiohead is always moving his head around so much. He’s finding the spots in which his voice hits just the right frequency.
Imagine the practice it takes to find that. Imagine the kind of head space you’ve got to be in to make that work. For me, that’s not from a knowing space, that’s from a feeling space. That’s being aware of your own mind enough to hear when those notes hit the right spot. And that may take some searching and practicing to find. But once you do, it’s pure gold.
Think of this now in terms of finding yourself through life, finding a point where things can resonate for you. You’ll need to have your feelers on as well as your thinking cap for this one. Think about how off life can feel when you’re not tuned into the right frequency, but how easy it is to just pick up the remote and change the channel until you like what’s on. Once you’re there, you stay for awhile, if it’s really good, you’ll come back and watch it again. So try that with your life, the more you find what feels right, what strikes a chord in you somewhere, the more your going to want to come back to that. The more you come back to that, the more you’ll like what you see. And soon, you may just find yourself another step closer to living passionately.
Motivating takes more than me.
December 7, 2009 § 12 Comments
I had a Eureka moment the other day during a training session. Now the point of attending workshops and taking courses is to learn new skills be exposed to new ideas. In this case, however, one of my fundamental thoughts about being a supervisor was challenged.
It had always been my thinking that I can and have motivated people.
It turns out, I have only paved the way.
Kris Robins, one of the facilitators of the Essential Skills for Supervisors Program through Northern Lakes College, told our Staying Positive – Rewarding and Energizing Employees class last Thursday that, as supervisors, we can only create the environment where people will be motivated, we don’t motivate people ourselves.
I have to agree when it is put that way. You can’t wave your magic wand and, presto, your employees will be motivated.
I suppose that is much like the old adage that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.
On the other hand, Kris noted, we can de-motivate people with a single action or word.
The class was asked to cite examples of what motivates and de-motivates us.
Motivating situations include the opportunity to make a difference, having varied and challenging assignments, a sense of pride in the organization, decisive leadership, the opportunity to learn, and the ability to reach new levels of achievement.
De-motivators cited include negativity, no flexibility, minimal or no communication, lack of variety, poor direction, bureaucracy, and employees thinking in terms of their own department and not the good over the overall organization.
I believe the best employees are self-motivated and our job as managers and leaders is to fuel their fire, to nurture their growth and to give them opportunities to succeed to even greater heights than they can on their own. Essentially, we need to take steps to eliminate items on the second list from our workplaces.
Enabling employee motivation to flourish must be an ongoing effort, not something we contemplate once a month or a few times a year.
Author and motivational speaker Zig Ziglar summed this up well.
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.”
It was also interesting to note that many of the points cited on the de-motivator list are also factors in employee burnout.
I have been blessed with many good employees over the years, including when I operated my communications company full-time.
It is a thrill to work with people who are highly motivated. It is much like a sense of lighting a torch and then when your own torch flickers, having the employee regenerate your fire.
Working with motivated people is motivating to me!
It has always been my approach that I work with people, they don’t work FOR me. I contend that if people feel like they are stakeholders in the company, they will want the business or the organization to succeed just as much as you.
I am taking the Essential Skills Program to gain a certificate through Northern Lakes College.
There are nine components to the program, including:
Leadership – Giving Employees What They Need to Succeed
Effective Supervision – Directing, Coaching & Facilitating Employees
Communication – Getting the Message Across
Working Together – Building Effective Relationships in Your Workplace
Performance Management – Optimizing Results
Intervention – Managing Employees with Personal Problems
Resolving Conflict – Reaching Agreement at Work
Managing Time – Scheduling People, Paper & Priorities
Leadership – Giving Employees What They Need to Succeed
I’m eager to complete the program in the next few months and continue on to the advanced level. It is great to see how people from other workplaces operate and the challenges that they face. The beauty of this program is that while the facilitators provide instruction, you learn as much from others in the class.
When it comes to energizing my staff, it’s important for me to continue acquiring tools that ensure I’m providing the best environment possible – today and every day.
Part of that is providing those in my charge opportunities to thrive through their own growth opportunities.
That’s a given. I am a firm believer that when you quit learning, you quit living.
davidolinger
Wendy Peters & David Olinger
Wendy Peters
The Muse and Views 