Everything Happens For A Reason?
May 13, 2013 § 4 Comments
Scanning my timeline on Twitter, recently, I saw my friend Stephanie in Vancouver had made a rather profound statement related to things happening in her life.
I remarked that her description of what had occurred shows that everything happens for a reason. More on Stephanie below.
Even this blog results from me meeting Wendy four years ago this month at a Website Strategy Conference in Calgary. We kept in contact and began discussing how to create an inspirational/motivational book and, voila, The Muse and Views.
It all started with a question about Twitter!
Often in the moment, especially if we’re in strife, we search for reasons of why life is unfolding as it is.
Sometimes it’s immediately obvious. On other occasions, it takes a while. Sometimes we may never know the reason. It may not be a good reason.
My career is a continuum of successive opportunities from weekly reporter to my current position as Manager of Marketing and Communications with the City of Grande Prairie.
It was a chance thing I even learned about this position being available back in the fall of 2006. I did occasionally check out the Daily Herald-Tribune online from Sault Ste. Marie to check back on the community I’d lived in for 3.5 years back in the 1980s.
But I was meant to have a second stint in Grande Prairie.
During one of my interviews for the position, I was asked why I would want to return to Alberta. I responded, “You can take the boy out of the west, but you can’t take the west out of the boy.”
Now I wasn’t yearning to return to my western roots. In fact, big changes weren’t on my radar at all. I had just been in a school board communications job full time 1.5 years, a position I had always imagined myself in.
However, I am always ready for change and opportunities. I know now that I was meant to grow in my management capabilities on a bigger stage.
Later this year, it will be 30 years since I met my wife-to-be by interviewing her for a newspaper feature. Clearly my going through the Town Directory in St. Paul and deciding to do a feature on the daycare administrator was designed to connect me to Joyce.
The statement about everything happening for a reason resonated with Stephanie: “Maybe that is why that person I was good friends with 10 years ago has all of a sudden entered my life again,” she says.
Stephanie has reflected on her own circumstances and relationships and has found herself making sense of things by putting them in perspective.
“I’m making the best of each and every day because we aren’t in godly positions to control what comes next. Letting go is the key to happiness.”
Stephanie remarked that we don’t have all the answers, especially when it comes to relationships.
That is true. There is the saying that people come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime and once you figure out which it is you will know what to do.
Another friend, Mandy, who lives in Quebec, found that an unsuccessful marriage has actually paved the way for the person she realizes she was meant to be.
“I wouldn’t have had the kind of work opportunities I have now. I likely would not have done much out in the community such as volunteering and serving on committees.”
Mandy recalls an incident in her childhood that has her convinced there is reason behind actions.
When she was five, her family was travelling through New York State. After hitting an icy patch, their van slid off the road and toppled over. The portion of the roof over which her infant brother had been located in his car seat was severely dented in. Luckily, her mother had removed the child to nurse him and he emerged unscathed.
All of these circumstances, either personally or stories of others make sense to me. Where I struggle with this concept of things happening for a reason, is when I cannot fathom why something has happened when everything seems so right.
A friend recently lost a child at birth. There was no sign the baby was not healthy, the umbilical cord simply strangled the baby.
I always ask myself why things like this happen to people who so richly deserve to have more children when there are so many kids born into families of abuse, poverty or to teenaged parents who can sometimes seem to get pregnant through a snow suit.
Where is the justice? My friend was so looking forward to this second child. She and her husband deserve to have as many children as they want.
Will we get the answers later on? Could the baby have had some undetected serious disease? Will it make this couple focus more on their one child? Will it make them appreciate what they have to a greater degree?
And then there were the recent bombings at the Boston Marathon. What is the reason for two brothers to carry out such heinous acts?
Their actions apparently are not linked to any higher level world issues. We do know that the spirits of Boston residents were galvanized during this ordeal. There was tragedy but also heroes. Lives were forever changed.
I attended a riveting keynote address by Amanda Lindhout, a former Canadian journalist, while at an International Association for Public Participation conference earlier this month. She told her story of being kidnapped in Somalia, tortured and released 15 months later.
Her message is one of forgiveness and she plans to find ways of improving conditions in that country.
In the bigger scheme of things, why did Amanda have to endure all of that to want to make a difference in the world?
It’s good if we can find relationships between events to make life make more sense, but we can be left scratching our heads until we have no hair if we get too wrapped up in wondering reasons behind things.
Often, we are looking for good reasons for events when there are more complex issues at stake.
The best we can do is be adaptable to situations and be ready for what life throws at us. Whatever that is may not make sense at the time, but chances are, it will in time.
It’s also a reminder to take charge of as much as we can in our lives.
The late Peter Drucker, a renowned management consultant, educator and author Peter once said, “The best way to predict the future is to create it.”
The Mentor in Me
April 12, 2013 § 1 Comment
“A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you, than you see in yourself, and helps bring it out of you.” ~ Bob Proctor, Author, Speaker and Success Coach
It recently occurred that the first two letters in the word mentor are ME. I was musing on that after a colleague told me she sees me as a mentor and thanked me or my support.
When Angie Saltman, who operates Saltmedia, a web development company in Grande Prairie, mentioned this, I hadn’t realized I’d had an impact through our discussions about business.
But that’s the way it is with mentoring. You can be teaching without necessarily realizing it. It was particularly noteworthy because Angie is someone out in the community as there was no thought of providing anything more than casual advice.
“When we first met, I was taken with how confident you are and I realized I needed to work on that part of me,” Angie told me. Saltmedia has been in operation for three years. “I appreciated how you’ve taken time to share your career and business experience.”
That’s why I love the Bob Procter quote. It’s truly a thrill to recognize someone will thrive at an undertaking even with limited experience and confidence, and then watching them flourish.
Now I’ve won awards for my work and led a fruitful career. I’ve supervised numerous people, including employees with my own communications business. I certainly know I’ve made a difference to several people’s futures if by no other measure than the number of references I’ve provided. I know, of course, it has gone way beyond that and for someone to outright tell me how I’ve helped them is touching.
Although I’m not about to slow down, this feedback has happened enough lately from younger co-workers and associates that I feel at the pinnacle of my career.
Having colleagues recognize my role in shaping their careers is acknowledgement that I’ve invested time and energy as they find their way in the world. I think of it as my own way of giving back to a life that’s been rewarding to me.
What I have learned and pass on to others becomes the foresight of those with less experience. The true joy comes when mentees challenge and question what I have said and offer their own ideas. Even more thrilling are the times when I know I am learning from my younger colleagues.
A mentorship doesn’t have to involve someone in the same community or even direct involvement in their day-today work. I met Mary Leong, a student at UBC, three years ago while she was working in Grande Prairie. She’d been assigned to visit me to at City Hall to discuss a partnership with the agency employing her during the summer.
We’ve kept in touch over the last couple of years and I always enjoy hearing Mary’s latest news. She’s one of those people who you know will go as far as their ambition takes them. I look forward to saying, “I knew Mary Leong when …”
She wanted to contribute to what I had to say on this topic since she felt I’d influenced her career direction.
“To me, David is a long-distance mentor who checks in every once in a while to deliver news and information on the new initiatives he’s working on, but also to provide encouragement and support in a sometimes very rocky field.”
She recalls travelling to Grande Prairie to pursue a career path which she soon realized was ill-suited to her personality and interests. At the same time, she was discovering an interest in new media and communications.
“Our initial conversation was brief, but the topic of communications in a changing media landscape was brought up. I was surprised when David followed up with information about how the city was using new media and technology to connect with its citizens, which I found fascinating. That, for me, was the turning point as I realized that someone was taking an interest in my career development and providing information that could support my journey.
“These discussions provided a holistic view of the day-to-day tasks in a communications job, and spurred me to seek out opportunities to grow in the field.”
Mary is completing her Political Science and Psychology degree at UBC, and will be working for a year before starting the Politics and Communication Master’s program at the London School of Economics in September 2014.
Her goal is to work in the field of media and communications for a non-profit she’s passionate about to help enact policy change.
Mary’s own passion is to be a mentor to young minority girls to ensure they have the tools to succeed at whatever they set out to do, whether as a CEO, a politician or an entrepreneur.
Knowing Mary, those young ladies will be fortunate to have that leadership.
I thought this quote would be a most appropriate way to end this post:
“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter. Going to bed knowing we have done something wonderful is what matters to me.” ~ Steve Jobs
Be Bold. Be Beautiful. Be Undeniably You.
February 18, 2013 § 3 Comments
It’s been some weeks since I started the Year of the External Me. Focusing on myself like that, on the things I want to achieve, the people I want in my life, it’s intimidating how quickly everything begins falling into place. Before any of it did, however, there was one key factor I was missing.
English: Charles the Bold (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Last month was community manager appreciation day. It’s a day I love because, well, I’m a community manager! I was pondering community building and what it really boils down to. Building community is creating something that people want to be a part of. I brought that down a level further to my own life. How can I create a life full of genuine connection with people I love? By creating a life and a space that they want to be a part of. In that, it’s something I’ve got to love so deeply and so strongly that I never want to leave it and that I can’t help but want to bring more people into.
Though I’ve enjoyed many parts of my life to date, I wasn’t in that space at the beginning of the year. I had some work to do learning to love everything about who I am now and where I’m at. Meaning participating fully in the friendships and relationships (both personal and professional) that I’m engaged in and to just, excuse the language, but stop giving a shit what any of them think. Instead, I began operating from a space where my approval is the only one that matters. It’s powerful stuff!
Note: It doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped caring about the wants and needs of others, just that I put mine first. If I can meet theirs after that? Cool! But never to my detriment.
Almost as soon as I started focusing on internal rather than external approval, the domino effect began. The first result? I relaxed. Like, really relaxed. I remember a time last year where I’d wake up in the morning and my jaw would be clenched. Now, I still get tense, but I use that as a signal from my body that there’s something that requires my immediate attention. As soon as it’s taken care of, we’re on our merry way. Other noticeable changes? I sleep solidly. The time I never felt I had to spend with friends and family is suddenly there. The help I was looking for before is showing up. And I’m experiencing a shift in my relationships. The ones that don’t serve me are either falling by the wayside or evolving into something deeper and more supportive. I feel like I’ve become a part of something bigger than just myself. Like I’m contributing, but I’m not doing it alone.
And to think, it’s all because I’ve given myself permission to be bad at the things I’m bad at (like a perfect inbox. That’s just not in my cards) and to shine as brightly as I can shine where it’s easiest (writing and people!). So if you’re struggling or things in your life just aren’t falling into place like you keep wanting them to, I really have only one piece of advice for you:
Stop whatever it is you’re doing, whoever it is you’re trying to be. Instead, focus on who you actually are and accepting every single piece of you, whether you think it’s a flaw or a gift. Go for the glory, reach for the stars. Be bold. Be beautiful. Be undeniably you.
The Year Of The Internal Me
December 31, 2012 § 5 Comments
This year started out as… well, I can’t remember exactly what it started out as. It ended up being the year of the internal me. I worked long and I worked hard to uncover many of the beliefs that have been holding me back from being the person I so desperately wanted to be. The result? Self acceptance for everything I am, everything I want and permission to make it all come true.
The first of the indulgences I’ve allowed myself was getting my very first tattoo just last month in Saskatoon. I’ve been talking about it for the last four years. I quite literally wanted to put my heart on my sleeve. I had begun researching tattoo parlours in Calgary, but hadn’t gone so far as to visit them yet. I wanted the right person, the right opportunity. The “right” things in my life just seem to fall into place when it’s time (like how David and I met and began this blog). I had a feeling this tattoo would follow a similar path.
Photo credit: Reginald Tiangha
Back in September, my friend Dan got his first tattoo, his parrot Baub. I made a promise that I would follow through with mine before my 31st birthday, which is in March. Wouldn’t you know it, Dan and I planned a road trip to Saskatoon in November and he mentioned he was going to add some foliage to Baub while we were in town. His friend Baillie owns a long-standing tattoo shop called Eye Of The Needle.
“Do you think Baillie would have time to slip me in too?” I asked Dan.
A quick text message to Baillie confirmed that she thought she could do it.
I found an image of the anatomically correct heart that I wanted. The “real” shape of the heart reminds me to keep at least one foot planted in reality as I have a tendency to spend my time with my head in the clouds. We emailed it to Baillie and a couple of days later showed up for our tattoos. The heart took about an hour and a half to ink onto my upper arm. It didn’t hurt exactly, it felt more like many incessant and annoying mosquito bites. Every chance I got after that, I’d peer down at my arm. Yep, it was still there. It’s been over a month and it hasn’t washed off yet. I think this thing might be permanent.
I haven’t worn a long-sleeved shirt since the day my heart appeared on my arm. I didn’t want to cover it up. I’ve been doing that most of my life. Hiding my emotions. Pretending I don’t feel strongly about something when really I do… I feel strongly about a lot of things… but always trying to be the peace keeper. Trying not to rock the boat.
Now it’s out there. It’s out there for everyone to see. It’s my reminder to check in with myself regularly. To ask myself what my true feelings are about the situation I’m in, the decisions I’m making, the people I’m hanging around with. And it’s my opportunity to speak up for myself, to say what’s on my mind and to stand firmly in the person I am.
Now, with another New Year on my doorstep, I can proceed with creating even more of the life I want. Without a lot of the BS I used to tell myself along for the ride, it will likely come my way a whole lot faster.
May you also find the courage to be honest about what you want, where you want to go and the inner strength to make it your reality.
Happy New Year!
Resolving To Keep The Good Things In Mind
December 10, 2012 § 7 Comments
As 2012 draws to a close, many people will be thinking about their New Year’s resolutions.
I’ve already written that I avoid doing so. It’s more important for me to consider a given year in its totality rather than honing in on successes and failures.
Resolutions can have us concentrating on individual goals and milestones and if we don’t meet them, we tend to dwell on the negative. That is why I focus on striving to improve overall, personally and professionally.
To that end, I came across an idea that would help us look back on a year and celebrate the good things. It can take various forms but the version I saw was posted on Facebook by friend Jody Clark-Kettyle. You find a jar and each time a good thing happens, you insert a note recording it.
On Dec. 31, you open it up and reminisce about the awesome things that have happened over the past 12 months. I’ve also seen the idea referred to as a Blessings Jar. Blogmate Wendy has her own spin on it. She has a jar to insert notes to keep track of things she loves about herself when she’s feeling down.
We’ve all had setbacks in our lives in any given year. Some have been unsuccessful pledges to lose a certain amount of weight or stop smoking, exercise regularly or have better eating habits. People have lost jobs or precious people in their lives and these events can certainly place a cloud of gloom over you for months.
The jar suggestion made me wonder how full my jar would be from the past 12 months.
For example, I think back to April and attending the Elton John concert right here in Grande Prairie. The Rocket Man is one of my favourite performers ever. This joy would be added to by attending a John Fogerty gig in Dawson Creek in September. The latter ranks as one of my favourite shows ever – and I’ve been to my share of concerts.
In May, it was Anniversary Number 26. Although it was not the milestone of reaching the quarter century mark like last year, it did mean I’ve been married half my life. The better half!
In June, I attended a great Canadian Public Relations Society conference in Victoria where I connected with some great friends and colleagues and made some terrific new connections. This was followed by a fabulous holiday on Vancouver Island, a place Joyce and I love to explore. It was awesome catching up to family and friends.
In July, I had surgery on my right eye to address cataracts. This eliminated the need for glasses, except for reading. Shortly after, I bought my first “real” pair of sunglasses ever!
In August, my visit to the doctor revealed my best blood sugar results in some time. It’s three years since Doctor Muwonge chided me for less than stellar readings.
At that time he told me, “The first step to wealth is health.”
Also in that month, our son, Peter, returned to live with us while doing construction work for a few months. Although he has a busy social life, it’s a blessing to have him around for time we didn’t think we would have.
This was also the year I returned to volunteering in a big way, joining the boards of the Volunteer Services Bureau and the Council for Lifelong Learning.
On the professional side, we learned in late summer the City of Grande Prairie was the recipient of a Municipal Excellence award for its annual Municipal Government Day, an annual community barbeque and information fair that attracts about 4,000 people.
A significant career event occurred on Nov. 5 when we launched our Citizen Engagement Program, activateGP. This initiative has already had successes, including residents signing up to volunteer for City boards and committees right on the spot at the kickoff event.
These are the major occurrences I thought of off the top of my head. If I wracked my brain, there would be a lot more. I’d be able to include many everyday things that have made my day.
Friend Mindy Bush plans to implement the jar into her life in 2013.
“I think I would do the jar to remind myself of how I feel or view myself on a good day to build up confidence on days where it lacks,” she says.
Mindy is also considering separate jars for feelings and kindness she come across daily as mood boosters on bad days.
Grande Prairie resident Jennifer Upshall began using what she calls a Gratitude Jar two years ago. Here’s her take on it:
“It’s a large old mason jar with the glass lid and old silver ring from my Grandma, something and someone else I have gratitude for. The first thing that went into it was a thank-you card from a woman I’d helped. I know that maybe wasn’t the original intended purpose for it, but it feels good to be thanked for helping someone, and I liked seeing the little note in there. I think some days we all feel insignificant and it’s nice to be reminded that at least once we made even a small difference to someone!
“There aren’t as many sticky notes in there as I’d hoped there would be by now, but even the few that are, remind me that maybe things aren’t so bad. I start each note with ‘I have gratitude for…’ Most of the little sticky notes are about my kids making me laugh, or my husband doing something to help. Sometimes it’s about a hard life lesson. Regardless, when I see the jar with pretty bits of bright-coloured paper, I remember that even though I maybe don’t feel gratitude for something today, I did yesterday and probably will tomorrow.”
What great perspectives from these ladies! I look forward to keeping track of the great things that occur in 2013 and checking back with everyone to see how they fared, too.
Embracing Culture Enriches Community
December 4, 2012 § 2 Comments
I love my job with the City of Grande Prairie, but rarely touch on it here. That’s mainly because this blog is intended to develop content toward an inspirational/motivational book(s) and part of my work-life balance – exploring my creative side.
This time, I’ll make an exception.
Two amazing experiences this past week underline why I love promoting my community and working to make it a better place to live while on the job and as a volunteer.
First my colleague Chelsea Lewis, our Communications and Research Co-ordinator, and I met with the Grande Prairie Centre for Newcomers.
The agency wanted our input on how it can help immigrants get more involved in the community. What a joyful group to connect with – people whose native lands are as diverse as Lebanon, Bulgaria, Rwanda, Mexico, and our own homeland.
We’ve already been working with this organization as part of our Citizen Engagement Program, activateGP. Earlier this fall, we also had the delightful experience of speaking to an English-as-a-second-language combined class through the Council for Lifelong Learning where we encountered a veritable United Nations of students.
Our meeting last week with the Centre for Newcomers was truly inspiring. While we were there to help them assist their clients, a lot of the richness of the discussion was really around how connecting with the traditions from other countries will add a special flavour to our community.
This will be mutually beneficial in a city represented by at least 100 cultures.
We heard about how having celebrations involving music, food and dancing would resonate with people from other parts of the globe.
My favourite part was when the Centre’s employee from Lebanon spoke up and said, “In my homeland, you don’t need music to get us dancing, you just have to start clapping.”
The next day, it was off to the Grande Prairie Aboriginal Circle of Services. We were using this organization as a focus group as part of our research for the Citizen Engagement Program.
Although I have lived near First Nations reserves almost my entire adult life and have worked with various Aboriginal leaders, I’d never participated in a smudging ceremony. It was a first for Chelsea, too.
Smudging is the use of smoke to cleanse the mind and create a positive, peaceful mindset. Various herbs can be used. In this case, it was sage. I chose to accept the smoke so that I could truly share in the learning and reflection of the moment.
I was honoured to connect with members of the Aboriginal community in this manner. How could you not feel at home when you exchange hugs as part of the welcoming ceremonies.
I had the privilege of sitting next to Darlene Cardinal, who led the group in prayer. I learned there is even a right way to hold hands with the people next to you during this ritual.
It was also interesting participating in some of the other Aboriginal traditions during the session. One notable aspect was how a feather was passed around and held by each speaker in the circle.
This demonstrates respect for the person talking at the time.
During the meeting, we had a lot of great dialogue on how the municipality can benefit with a stronger partnership with the Aboriginal community.
Reflecting on the outcome of both sessions left me with an incredible feeling of excitement.
On one hand, I saw how Grande Prairie has much to gain by embracing the traditions of other countries. On the other, we have much to learn from the descendents of peoples who have occupied this land for thousands of years.
I’m thrilled to have the opportunity to embrace the cultural fabric of the city as part of promoting citizen engagement. Knowing what makes its people tick will help me do a better job of connecting to all people.
Maybe I’ll be an improved dancer to the music of another nation. On second thought, I’m better off sampling different cuisines!
Taking Up the Torch
November 26, 2012 § 5 Comments
“I am obliged to contribute if I care enough.” – Trenton Perrott, 1957-2012, in an excerpt from his personal journal, September-October.
How often have you attended an event and felt inspired by a speaker only to do nothing as a result?
So often we feel momentarily engaged and then return to our routine, not motivated to make a change. The words above are ones I won’t ever forget. They will assuredly make a difference for me and others.
Sadly, I could not receive the message directly from the author.
On Saturday, they were delivered by Trenton’s brother, Dale, as Grande Prairie celebrated the life of a significant community builder, particularly in the arts and culture and business sectors.
Dale went on to say that Trenton, who lost his two-year battle with cancer earlier this month, had it backwards – that he did care a lot about many things – his community, country and family topped the list.
Trenton touched people in many different ways. As a fellow manager in my service area at the City of Grande Prairie, we had regular interaction, particularly since he oversaw the website as well as advocacy initiatives and I’m Manager of Marketing and Communications.
I always appreciated Trenton’s thirst for strategic planning, his passion for history and politics, and his vision for creating change. He was a mentor to colleagues at all levels and got the most out of those around him with his quiet leadership.
Why will the words from Trenton’s journal make a difference to me? He walked the talk. Trenton was a model of courage and class as he dealt with his disease. He lived his final months with a level of dignity I’ve never witnessed.
Even in his waning time with us, Trenton continued to do as much work as he could. He encouraged me and others to do more in the workplace and within the community.
In August, he invited me to attend a Rotary meeting with him. Not just any Rotary meeting. A long-time Rotarian, Trenton was one of the initiators of the new After Five club in Grande Prairie. He was even willing to pay my membership.
We had a good, long chat before the meeting. I always cherished my discussions with Trenton. As I learned on Saturday, I would not be alone in often finding myself in long, drawn-out but rewarding talks with Trenton.
Unfortunately, all my dialogue with Trenton was contained to the workplace so I didn’t get a chance to share any of the wine and scotch for which he is renowned for enjoying.
It would be the last time we spoke at any length. I could tell there wasn’t much time left for Trenton, but that didn’t stop him from sharing even more ideas and demonstrating how much he cared about his workplace and colleagues.
Of course, he didn’t stop there. Trenton arranged for me to speak to the Rotary group in October about the City’s Citizen Engagement Program, activateGP, just a few weeks before the initiative launched on Nov. 5.
I wish he could’ve been there to hear me speak in more than spirit and attend the kick-off event, too.
But he knew how important this initiative is to me as the project leader and the municipality. It ties in with so much he believed in – community involvement, partnerships, connecting people, and making the place you live a better place to be.
And new features on the new website Trenton so much wanted to see introduced last February contribute to involving residents. I’m thrilled he and his team saw that project through to fruition.
I don’t know that I will follow through and join Rotary at this time with two other significant volunteer positions already on my plate. I do know that I will be even more driven to make a difference in the community.
And I think that is all Trenton really expected of me – that I would realize I had more within me.
I was honoured to be asked to assist in the production of the video for Saturday’s tribute. In the process, I had the opportunity to speak for a few minutes with Joanne, Trenton’s wife, another example of class and strength.
She shared with me that Trenton had spoken of how he had unfinished work to do.
I assured her that others would pick up the torch.
I will be one of them. Rest in peace, Trenton. Your legacy will live on.
Still Searching For Home
November 19, 2012 § 1 Comment
Earlier this year, I entered the 2012 Clem and Muriel Collins Writing Contest through the Grande Prairie Public Library. As we used to say in my days working with the Ontario Lottery Corporation, I was a non-winner.
As competitive as I am, I actually don’t think of the outcomes – yet to place in three tries – as winning and losing. It really is more about how the theme resonates with me.
Firstly, although I’ve been a writer for 30 years, it’s only been the last few years where I have really explored my creative, non-journalistic, corporate side. Second, as with my story on Jasper, my dog, these entries can later be converted into a larger project – I continue to tinker with a book manuscript. Third, because I have this blog, I can always feature my work here, as I have with a couple of earlier submissions.
Lastly, I can take the topic in a different direction which is what I’m doing with this post.
The theme for this year’s competition was Home. Instead of pursuing some initial, more emotional thoughts about that word means to me, I tried my first-ever piece of fiction and wrote a baseball-related piece. I want to go back now and share what Home means to me.
When I first heard the theme, I began thinking of the quotable quotes that use Home, like: “Home is where the heart is” or “Keep the home fires burning” or “There is no place like Home”. It turns out that when I actually read the brochure as I started to compose my entry, all these quotes and others were used as examples of what Home might mean.
While those phrases do have some connection, especially for someone who’s been happily married for 26 years, I struggled to put any strong feeling around them. I was challenged to explain what was really on my mind. It was then my wife suggested I attempt writing something totally fictitious.
Now that I’ve given it some deeper thought, Home is a place of the mind – somewhere I continue to seek. I think this relates to an earlier blog where I wrote that I always think there is something more – new things to learn and higher levels of achievement, professionally and personally.
Who knows whether I’ll ever really reach home from that standpoint? It’s the journey that matters.
As I get more life experience and work toward more of that elusive balance people yearn to achieve, perhaps I’m getting closer to my definition of home. Heck, it was just three years ago that this blog was born and I can truly say there have been many more personal and professional achievements since then.
On the professional side, one of my proudest moments occurred earlier this month with the launch of the City of Grande Prairie’s Citizen Engagement Program, activateGP.
Interestingly, at the kick-off the meaning of Home arose. Some participants think of amenities or particular qualities of a community, like friendliness, that make a place feel like home.
Since Grande Prairie has doubled in size since 1991, many residents are from somewhere else. For quite a number, it is that former country or other part of Canada that is Home. Some are unsure yet whether their current location is home.
To me, home in that sense is where you are situated. I’ve found comfort in the places I’ve lived across the country and re-invested through volunteer activities in every community. I have always said, “Home is where you hang your hat.”
I was talking to my friend Nikki Thompson, the marketing co-ordinator for nine10 Incorporated in Grande Prairie, the other day. Her thoughts tie nicely into this piece.
Here is what she had to say: “In 2009, I was in college and I had the feeling I was constantly missing out on what the world has to offer. I thought, ‘What the heck does Grande Prairie have? Nothing, that’s what!’ I felt unsettled. However, I was heading to New York City with our marketing class at the start of the New Year. NYC would surely have what I was looking for as it’s the hub for everything new and exciting. I’d never miss out on anything. I got there and it was incredible but nothing worth leaving Grande Prairie for. It is hard to explain but my world becoming smaller had cured my need to experience everything first.”
“Home is where you feel settled mentally, where comfort and remaining opportunistic meet to keep one engaged in where they are – a sense of belonging with purpose.”
Where is home to you? Is it a specific place? Are you there?
Once Upon A Time…
November 12, 2012 § 2 Comments
Flickr credit: Pascal
Have you ever listened to the stories you’re telling yourself? Sure you have. They replay in our minds all the time. Stories about the kind of people we are, what our lives are like, where we’ve been and who we are striving to become. We tell ourselves stories about the world around us, what our friends, teammates, coworkers and others are like, or what parts of the world are going through. It’s how we gain perspective, how we make sense of things and how we build a foundation to move forward with.
Stories are such an incredible part of how we build meaning and connection in our lives. And yet, when these stories run unchecked, when we don’t say them out loud and share them with someone, they have the potential to become dangerous truths we embed in our hearts.
Two weeks ago, I wrote a blog post about a skewed story I made up about myself and where I’ve come from in the last decade. I’m thankful for the support network I’ve built and the skills I’ve been honing to unravel limiting beliefs. They’ve helped me identify the story and come full circle.
After I settled back into the picture of coming from a family that wanted me, I began recalling so many good memories. I remembered when my mom spent hours sewing and making my princess costume just right for Halloween when I was a young girl. I remembered tagging along with my dad and hanging out on a red stool at the Skylark Café in Millet. I was pretty little, but it was one of my favourite things to do with him. And then there were all of the trips my grandparents would make to come out and visit us. I was always tickled pink when they made it down for one of my skating recitals. My parents drove my brother and I to and from our various activities… plenty of hockey games and tournaments for him. Dance lessons, skating competitions and tests, rugby games and piano lessons for me. The hours they invested in nurturing our talents and doing their best to provide as much as they could for us… when did I let myself forget about all of that?
If I had known then what I know now, I would’ve spent a whole lot more time talking about the feelings and thoughts happening beneath my surface. I would’ve installed a few checks and balances to guide me in the right direction and tell me when I’d fallen well of course. The good news is, I’ve got those checks and balances now. A carefully curated group of individuals I can bounce my story off of and see if it rings true from their perspectives. It’s like using my own sonar to create my images, sending out pulses and seeing what bounces back. Often, it’s a much different picture than the one I painted for myself.
Whatever story it is you’re telling yourself, I encourage you to run it by a few people before deciding it’s something you’re going to stick with. Whether it’s in evaluating a situation you think will help you, something that builds you up, or attempting to assess the challenges standing in your path, often an outside perspective can help identify the holes in what you’re weaving. It may take a bit of time to go through the prep, but ultimately, you’ll be able to move forward better equipped to navigate successfully to your next destination.
A Picture’s Worth 871 Words
October 28, 2012 § 3 Comments
My mom is magic. Really, she is. I haven’t given her nearly enough credit for the woman she is and the influence she’s had in creating the wonderful person I’ve become.
She’s recently taught me yet another valuable lesson, though I think I’ve expanded on it a bit further than she intended me to. (Such are the joys of an active thinker, trust that I will take any concept you give me and stretch it far and wide!)
The lesson she intended to instill in me is that I am wanted and loved.
I’ve been doing an incredible amount of work on relationships lately, with a much stronger focus since the spring. It’s one of the areas of my life I’ve seemed to struggle with the most and so I’ve been delving deep behind the scenes to see what can be done about strengthening the foundations I’ve built.
Last week, I called my mother in a moment of impatience and frustration. “I’ve been putting myself out there, meditating, making my lists, making space in my life both in my schedule and in my house… hell, I’ve even cleared out a drawer. Come on! What else is it I need to do???”
A little voice in the back of my mom’s mind told her that there’s something she’s been needing to tell me, something critical that would help me over this last part, but she didn’t know what that message was. Coincidentally, she’s been on a similar purge, preparing herself to let go of many of the items she hasn’t been ready to release for one reason or another. A couple of weeks back she got to her old photo slides. She tossed many of them without even opening the box to find out what was inside, but there was one in particular that she couldn’t bring herself to throw out. As she pulled out a sleeve of slides, one of them caught her eye. “I need to get a print of that photo made,” she thought. “No, I need to get two prints made.” One was for me.
She knew what the message was.
Just after I finished my little temper tantrum, mom told me about the photograph. It was a photo of her and my dad – before they had Wayne and I – and it was a picture of them just being really happy together. Her insight? Somewhere along the line, I became jaded about the relationship my parents had. The photo is a reminder for me that they started out in a happy place… that I came from a happy place. They wanted children together, they very much wanted my brother and I, we were a happy family for quite some time. But between what I viewed as them bailing on the relationship (I was 19 when they split up), and my brother leaving this planet for whatever is beyond a few years later, the family I was born into collapsed around me and I felt like the only one left standing, the only one who still wanted to be there.
As my mother told me more, like how my father was there in the room to hold me when I was first born and how he used to ride around Millet with Wayne in the truck beside him, tears were streaming down my face. My mom saw what I was in the middle of, but what I couldn’t see. My assumption had become that nobody wanted me or what I had to offer. And yet, as she painted the picture of the happy family I had actually come from, there was the belief, plain as day, staring me in face. It’s influenced everything I’ve done and every acquaintance, friendship and relationship I’ve had. I’ve entered each believing I wasn’t wanted in the first place.
After percolating on this point for a few days and deciding it was safe to send this belief out with the rest of the trash I’ve been getting rid of, I put on my new lenses and really took a look at each of the relationships I’ve had in the last few years. I had always believed the ending of each was a reinforcement that the entire relationship wasn’t right and a part of me thought it shouldn’t have happened at all. But my new lenses were showing me my next lesson.
The meaning and beauty I’ve attached to a particular person or moment needed be tarnished by subsequent actions or results. It can shine on with the same significance it previously held.
I find myself now enjoying this new space. It’s one where I can appreciate a moment independently of what is happening around it. Regardless of the final outcome of any given situation, I’m no longer allowing myself to diminish my significance or that of another in my life for the sake of defending an old belief that doesn’t serve to lift anyone one up anyway. Instead, I’m now surrounding myself with these happy memories. They are the soft cloak of love and support with which I move forward. They are my reminder, regardless of what’s happening, that a life full of joy and happiness is a choice I can make today and everyday.
Note: The photo’s still printing. I’ll share it soon!
davidolinger
Wendy Peters & David Olinger
Wendy Peters
The Muse and Views 